Nikki made this for Faiz..



We'll miss you Faiz..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Baby and I went out for dinner..
Had dessert at Toa Payoh Entertainment Centre..
This....
Snow Ice thingy..
Quite cool..

Although it's a little on the expensive side..
It's worth trying..
Tastes quite ok..
and it's interesting.. :)

Just came back from NPDS outing..

Met the bunch (Nikki, Tas, Faiz, Cheryl Chong, Kai, Cheryl Ong, Alicia, Pin, Yvonne, Greg, Darren, Michelle, Desmond, Brian, Clar, Valence and Geno) at Marina Square.. They were playing pool and arcade games..
Clar and Brian went back to S&G.. Michelle, Desmond, Darren and Yvonne went for the NDP rehearsal..
Then we adjourned to Marina Bay for steamboat..
Adeline, Brian (Nikki's siblings), Ryan and Shawn came to join us..

We managed to catch the fireworks near where we were eating at..
(We were actually watching it in the middle of the road.. No kidding..)
They were gorgeous.. :)

Baby and I got our first chance at Para-Para..
Actually..
It wasn't all that bad.. :p

To Faiz..
All the best..
We'll miss you..

Baby..
Thank you for today..
and for saying that you love me and meant it..

I love you too..

~A bunch of friends + $10 + Para-Para Machine = FUN!!! -quote from Brian (Nikki's brother)~

"Come As You Are"

Shelter my feelings, stand by my side
You need no alibi
Show your emotions, give me a sign
Let me know that you're mine

Be my lover, be my best friend
Oh baby, save me when I fade
And I will always love you
I promise I'll be true to you
If you...
Come as you are
Don't change a thing
Here is my heart
Just walk right in

Come as you are
Don't tell me lies
And I'll be yours
'Till do us part

There is a heaven
It's in your eyes
Where I have no disguise

Please don't mislead me
Rescue my pride
Show me you're really mine

I want you for me, no questions asked
Don't need to know 'bout your past
'Cause I will always love you
I promise I'll be true, to you
If you...
Come as you are
Don't change a thing
Here is my heart
Just walk right in

Come as you are
Don't tell me lies
And I'll be yours
'Till do us part

Totally love rumba songs..
Love dance..
Love you baby..

*I need a dance partner..*

I'm happy.. :)

Today, I got to hear you say that you love me..
Yes..
You said it to me..
Straight to my face..

I'm a happy girl..

~You don't need to do much.. Even the simplest things you say can make my day..~

Went to Suki Sakura for dinner with baby..
The food there wasn't all that fantastic..
But we were quite full though..

I've received a call from Cheryl (PwC)..
Going for a meeting (interview) on mon..
I do hope I'll get the job...

Dar..
Don't be so upset..
Things will get better..

I'll start work soon (hopefully)..
Then you won't be the only one working..
and we can lunch together..
(That is if I'm working in PwC..)

Opps...

Sorry for not posting for a while..

Most important event that happened the past week was dar's birthday..

Dar!!!
You're 21!!! :P

I love you..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Baby's been real sweet..
Accompanying me although he's feeling tired and all..
Thank you so much baby.. *muacks*

I wish that I could hold your hands..
Put my arms around you..
When we're out..
Hear you say the words that matter from the heart..
and to hear you say that I'm your girl..

Guess I can't wish for too much..
Got to take things a step at a time..

For now..
I'm really thankful that I got to hear (see) you say "sure" when I asked if you wanted me to go down..
That really meant a lot to me..
Thank you..

Baby..

I'm sorry for portraying you as immature..
Yes..
Words do hold weight..
The way I phrase or put it to people will direct and affect their thinking..
Sorry..

I'll work at the issues..

Thank you for today..

I love you..

Went for the job interview..

In the past, when I had an interview,
Baby would give me his well wishes..
Today..
Lack of his well wishes,
I was feeling uneasy..
Think I kind of screwed the interview..

I was reading thru the past smses that he sent..
Suddenly felt upset..
It's been a long while since I've seen him sms like that..

When I went for my interview at PwC for attachment,
he smsed "Interview in Abt 40 mins ^^ best of luck k missing you..."

Thinking about it made me quite emotional..
Had to try to hold back my emotions that were threatening to overflow..

Today...
He still didn't reply my smses,
but at least he picked up my call..
We managed to talk for 1 minute..
For that,
I'm glad..

Thank You, God!

Baby...

In my eye there lies no vision but the sight of your dear face,
In my heart there is no feeling but the warmth of your embrace.
In my mind there are no thoughts but thoughts of you, baby,
In my soul, no other longing but just to have you near.
All my dreams are built around you, and I've come to know it's true -
In my life, there is no living that is not a part of you.

School has reopened today..

His lecture starts at 10..

He probably skipped it..

and will go for the afternoon lessons instead..

After that would be "dinner" then dance..

I'll be going for a job interview at Carlton hotel..

Been offered a position as HR Assistant..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope and pray that we will be able to return to before..

but it's not up to me to choose..

~I still have faith and believe that you're the one.. the one that I need, the one that I'll keep for all time..~

Good morning..

I'm still not asleep yet..
Can't seem to sleep..

My stomach's empty..
But I'm still not hungry..

Keep thinking..

Sigh....

I now understand how you felt in the first few months..
I seemed to have gotten the whole thing plus installments back in the last coming to 2 weeks..

Yet, I don't feel any less towards you..
Instead, I feel more for you and I want to try harder..
Want to make myself better..

I hope for another chance..
Hope that you won't be angry with me..

Boy I'm in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

[Bridge]

I know I misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 2]

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
We head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way

[Bridge]

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel just like walking away
But as our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 3]

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe you'll never find
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
You never know baby you and I

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
'Til the end of time, forever
You're the only love I'll need
In my life, you're all that matters
In my eyes, the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day
I'd be afraid without you there to see me through

~Baby.. It's impossible.. I can't imagine me without you..~

It feels totally different now..

I still love you..
I still feel the same for you..
If not more..

I know you're hurt..
Because of what I've done..
Because of what I've said..

I'm not doing any better..
I hurt because you're ignoring me..
I hurt because of the words you said..

Seems like I'm entering the depression stage..
I hope you'll be with me and walk with me through this..

I hope that at the end of it we'll emerge stronger than before..
Not giving up on the love we have..

Yes..
No relationship is easy..
There's bound to be friction between people..
We're all different..
But I really hope that we'll be able to work out our differences and still be together at the end..

~I now know trying hard isn't enough.. I've got to change..~

Nothing seems to be going right..

Daddy says he's sick and tired of talking to me..
He said that I will help others out but not help him..
That I didn't look for a job..

Baby is apparently still angry with me..
If I didn't call him..
I don't think he'll message me either..

In the past..
When daddy's upset with me..
or when I'm upset due to whatever reasons,
I can always turn to baby..
Now baby's angry with me..
Daddy's angry with me..
The whole world seems to be angry at me..

I don't know what to do..

~Maybe I should just leave this world alone..~
~I miss who you were..~

You're probably still asleep..
I'm already home..

Today's sermon is about Forgiveness..

Yeah..
We cant do it on our own..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Been thinking a lot lately..
Was wondering what had happened to us..

Hoping that somehow or rather..
We'd be able to return to before..
To the way things were at the beginning..

If I could..
I would erase the things which I've done that you didn't like..
That phone call on the way home that made you not want to send me back anymore..
That call at vivocity that made you feel unimportant..
Telling you about her whenever she's at my place that made you feel as though I was comparing her with you..
Walking off..
Being selfish..
Wanting to spend time with you when you're not free..

You said that I am a disappointment to you..
I'm sorry..
I've never wanted to be a disappointment..
I had hoped that you'll be proud having me as a girlfriend..
The way you're my pride and joy....

~I'm sitting here trying to convince myself that you're not the one for me.. but the more I think, the less I believe it and the more I want you here with me..~

Dance competition at NTU today..

Went quite well, with Ngee Ann snatching up quite a couple of medals.. :p

I'm very tired though..
and we had problems yet again..

Is it really my fault?
Is it only my fault?

I'm sorry..

~Can't afford to lose you..~

Would You Be There

If I were blue, would you be there for
me,
And whisper in my ears that's okay,
Would you stand by me, let me hold you
tight,
And say you love me one more time.

If I feel good, would you slow dance
with me,
And touch my lips with tender love and
care
Would you die for me, would you run
with me,
And never look back..

Would you be there to love, to be with
me?
Would you swear that your love is
always true?
Would you say that you'll always be
the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to love, to be with
me?
Would you swear that your love is
always true?
Would you say that you'll always be
the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there


If I'm away, would you still think of
me,
And wished that you would hold me
now,
Would you die for me, would you run
with me,
all the way

Would you be there to love, to be with
me?
Would you swear that your love is
always true?
Would you say that you'll always be
the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to save my soul
tonight?
Would you swear that your love is
always true?
Would you say that you'll always be
there,
to kiss my pain away.

Would you be there to love, to be with
me?
Would you swear that your love is
always true?
Would you say that you'll always be
the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to save my soul
tonight?
Would you swear that your love is
always true?
Would you say that you'll always be
there,
to kiss my pain away.

Would you be there,
for me.

It's been hard..
We've been thru many ups and downs..

Quarrels..
Sad moments..
Happy memories..

Baby..
I'm glad that we're able to walk thru it all..
I hope that I'll still be able to hold your hand at the end of the road..

Thank you for tolerating me..
for correcting my mistakes..
for staying by me all this while..

I love you..

~Happy 10th month~

Baby...

Thank you..

Thanks for packing dinner..
and for coming over to my place to accompany me yesterday cause I was home alone..

Thanks for staying on although you said you had to go back..

Thanks for everything baby..

Just came back from dance camp..
The camp was a success..

That's all I can say..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

19th June 2007

Worst day of my life.

Don't ask..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Baby..

This is for you..

In a perfect world,
we would never need to apologise.
We would never speak a thoughtless word..
Or let each other down or break each other's heart.
Love would conquer all,
and happy endings would be a dime a dozen.
But this isn't a perfect world,
and sometimes people learn things the hard way.
We do things we can't take back,
no matter how hard we try.

I'm sorry for causing you so much pain,
for giving you a reason to doubt how much I care.
I'm sorry with my whole heart,
'Cause I Really DO Care.

~I still love you..~



~I probably need you more than you need me..~

I don't know what to say..

I hope that you would put in a little effort..

If my calling you in the morning irritates you so much..
Try to wake up before I call you..
Or wake up when I call you..

If you're interested in me..
and truly love me..
You would love that which I love as well..

I'm trying to love all that you love..
Your games..
Your comics..
Have your passion for dance..

I only hope that you can do that as well..

~It suddenly feels like you don't have any interest in me anymore.. the things I do can piss you off easily and make you not want to see me at all..~

I hope I'm not being over-sensitive..

You're tired..
You should rest..

~That's all.. There's nothing wrong with being tired.. ~

I never liked to compare..
but I guess everyone does comparisons in one way or another..

I can still remember the things you've did..
Coming down to fetch me from work..
The roses for first month..
The gown for Christmas..
The dinner and sunflowers for Valentine's..

Everyone is different..
Hence people will have different ways of dealing with various incidents..

I won't comment on the way you deal with things..
You've always said that people choose the way they react ..
I don't know why you chose to do many of the things you did..
But I supposed you should have your reasons for doing so..

The mistakes that I've done..
The way I've treated you in the first few months..
You seem to have taken it deep..
So deep that no matter what I do..
It doesn't seem to be able make things better..
You can't forget..

You have no idea how much you mean to me..
No matter what other people say,
I still hold on to what I believe..
That you are the best..
That you're still you..
That you still care..
That you still are concerned about me..
That you still love me..

I don't care how people look at me..
but I care about how and what you think of me..

I might be fussy..
Might complain a lot..
I'm sorry..

I'll try harder..
I do hope that you will understand me..
I hope you'll still care..
I do hope that you'll still love me..

Somehow..
I hope that we'd be happier..
that we'd be like before..
that you won't walk off..
that you won't leave me alone..
that I won't do it either..
and IF either of us do it..
that the other one will follow after that one..
and that the one in front will wait for the other..

~I hope that you'll be my last..~

I'm an official graduate of Ngee Ann Polytechnic..

Looking back..

There's much to reminisce..

It seemed like just yesterday that I was a freshman..
BAoc..
Walking down the road to block 72..
The leaky walkways when it rained..
The long walk up the "hill" for lectures at LT45..
The way we'd skip lectures..
The Japanese food at canteen 4..
The never-ending projects..
The presentations..
The stress of tests and exams..
The fun we had in class..
and after class..
The trips to Mambo for pool..
Camps..
Chalets..

The renovations done in school..
The splitting of classes..
The different specialisations..

IBSM..
The fun we had in the Pearl Delta Region..
The stress and sleepless nights because we had to rush our journals out..

Graduation..
The robe..
Walking up on stage to receive the roll..
The photographs taken..
Those faces ever so familiar..
Of friends,
lecturers,
advisors..

Words of encouragement..
of congrats..
Questioning to find out how we've been doing..
Warm hugs..
Gifts..

At the end of 3 years in polytechnic..
I've learnt a lot..
Made many friends..

All...
Will remain in my heart..
and in my memories..

~Parting is always bittersweet.. I'll miss you all..~
~Baby.. Thank you for coming.. it really meant a lot to me..~

I've got the best boyfriend any girl can have..

Thank you baby..

I love you..

I just found out from Christine that there's a second stanza to the song..

He can grant a wish or make a dream come true,
He can paint the clouds and turn the gray to blue;
He alone knows where to find the rainbow's end,
He alone can see, what lies beyond the bend.
He can touch a tree and turn the leaves to gold,
He knows every lie that you and I have told;
Though it makes him sad to see the way we live,
He'll always say "I forgive"

Totally nice song.. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know I shouldn't feel this way..
But I'm quite "happy"..
I'm not exactly happy but just ?relieved? that he got his deserts..

~What goes around comes around.. you asked for it..~

Took this quiz from Janani's blog..

Intelligence Intelligence is most important in a boyfriend/girlfriend. You like to be able to talk about everything that is on your mind, and if your partner can't keep up, well, you know. You are very attracted to someone who can challenge you, and make you see things in a whole new way. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Went for Janani's concert - A Night with Schumann yesterday
Their voices..
Really very nice..
Have never attended a concert like this before..
It's a real eye-opener..

Jay's singing..
Really very good..
Don't think I'll ever be able to sing like that..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm afraid..

She said that we look like how him and her were before they broke up..
But I trust you..
I don't think you'll be like him..
I trust that you'll not walk out the way he did on her..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christine sent me an sms yesterday..

He can turn the tides and calm the angry sea,
He alone decides who writes a symphony;
He lights every star that makes our darkness bright,
He keeps watch all through each long and lonely night.
He still finds the time to hear a child's first prayer,
Saint or sinner call and always find Him there;
Though it makes Him sad to see the way we live,
He'll always say "I forgive".

This is lyrics from a song that she learnt in primary school..
I think it's real meaningful..

I've finally passed my advanced theory!

I'm not proud that I took several attempts to pass..
But I'm really glad I finally did.. :)

Saw Fiona Xie at the test center taking the test in the same room as well..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Graduation is coming soon....
Wonder how that'll go..

Please....

No one can be compared with another..
Nor the things you've done..

No matter how many times I've said so..
No matter how many times I've told you..
Somehow..
It doesn't seem to be enough..

I've never compared you with anyone else..
If I were to..
You'd be the best..

Don't put yourself down..
You're really good..

Please..
You told me before that you don't care how the rest view you..
Why does it matter so much now?

My view of you is obvious..
My feelings for you are too..
Can't you see?
Can't you feel?

I really don't know what else to tell you..

~I don't want to lose you.. ~

I've been having random thoughts of the daily events in my life recently..

Like when baby and I run into issues..
or when my dad and mum nags at me..
or when my siblings seem to pull the house down..

I might be having mood swings..
I don't really know what's going wrong with me..
or what's going on with me..

I'm just weird nowadays......

Decisions..

I know..
it's hard..
but sometimes..
I really hope that you'll have a decision..
have a stand..
and not let me make all the choices..

I know..
in letting me make the choice,
it'll save you a lot of trouble..
because in that way,
you need not worry that I won't like it..

At times,
I hope that you'd tell me what you want..
and not keep me guessing..

It'd be nice if sometimes,
things are already planned out..
At other times,
it'd be great to be spontaneous..

I guess we just have to find the balance...

~Don't push me away.. please..~

Yesterday...

My family had steamboat yesterday..
Almost the whole paternal side came over..

I went to the supermarket to buy food with my dad..
Came home..
And became the maid..
Wash and cut all the ingredients..
After dinner,
I had to wash everything up too..

My family has sore eye germs spreading from one to another..
That's one reason why I had to do everything -
We're short of eyes at home.. :P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In everything that you do,
You have to put effort in..

Not only in the things that you're interested in..
or the things that you've passion in..
but also in the things that you don't really like..

For example..
Waking up -
I know.. lazing and sleeping in really is a nice thing
Getting to school on time -
Poly life might be slack but still.....
Studying -
Common test are round the corner!

Be determined to do it..
Set your mind on it..
Pray..

You'll be able to do it..

Today hasn't been a good day..

Went to hand in my overdued timesheet..

Went down to school..
Tried to do my income and expenditure in union..
And the printer couldn't print..

The tuition agency I signed up with.....
They acutally offered me 2 assignments..
Another lady called and confirmed the details of the assignments with me..
Asked me about my commitment and all..
So I told her truthfully that I would look for a full-time job later..
In less than 5 minutes after this lady put down the phone,
The one that offered me the assignment called me and ranted at me..
Said that I shouldn't have told anyone that I was looking for a full-time job..
And asked if I could commit to the other one..

First of all..
She asked me to lie about my age.. (I was supposed to say that I'm 21 this year)

Then..
I was supposed to say that I'm a full-time tutor..

Now..
She scolded me and asked me not to go for that tuition assignment already..

Like...
What in the world?!?

She's taking 50% of my first month's pay..
Mind you...
It's 50%........

And IF I don't complete the first month..
I'll have to pay 50% of the pay for breaking the contract..

And I did call her on that day to explain why I cannot commit on the afternoon one..
She told me to work for 1 or 2 months, get the pay..
Then call her after that..
So that she can explain to the family and get another tutor for them..

After that..
Had dinner with baby..
And he got a tummy ache..

And because I didn't respond to him when he told me he had a tummy ache..
He's angry with me..

I'm sorry..
It's my fault..
I didn't respond to you..

There're times you don't respond to me too..
Guess it's ok..
You're busy..
You've got other poeple to care about..
Other things to do..

When we're at the studio..
It's not that I don't interact with people..
When I help them..
Talk to them and stuff..
People talk behind my back..
I know I'm not good enough..
Bad at basics,
techniques etc.
I'm trying..

It seems..
No matter how hard I try..
Or how much I do..
People will still not be happy..

Either you'll not be happy..
Or.........
Sigh...

~Would you die for me, would you run with me?
Would you go with me and never look back?
Would you be there to love, to be with me?~

~If there's true love, there'll be tolerance and forgiveness..~

I admire Clar and Brian's relationship..
They're so rooted..

Spiritually especially..
They pray for each other..
and they really believe in God..
that He'll do everything for their best.

I hope that baby and I can be like them too..
Although we've been together longer than they have..
I feel...
that we aren't as rooted spiritually..

I pray that we'll be able to walk towards that direction..

My new favourite song..

Baby..
This is for you..

CRY ON MY SHOULDER
(Deutsch. Sucht Den Super.)

If the hero never comes to you
If you need someone you're feeling blue
If you're away from love and you're alone
If you call your friends and nobody's home
You can run away but you can't hide
Through a storm and through a lonely night
Then I show you there's a destiny
The best things in life
They're free

Chorus:

But if you wanna cry
Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone who cares for you
If you're feeling sad your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do

If your sky is grey oh let me know
There's a place in heaven where we'll go
If heaven is a million years away
Oh just call me and I make your day
When the nights are getting cold and blue
When the days are getting hard for you
I will always stay here by your side
I promise you I'll never hide

Repeat chorus

What real love can do
What love can do
What real love can do
What love can do
What real love can do
What love can do

Baby..

I was munching on pineapple tarts (yeah.. I still haven't finished my chinese new year goodies yet..) and thought of you..
You might think it's weird but I'll let you in on why ok?

It seems that I've been giving you weird cravings..
Pineapple tarts..
Now durian..

Maybe it's my influence on you..

You say that I don't like the things you like..
but then again..
you don't like things I do too..
(with regards to food)

I suppose I cause you lots of worry..
Sorrow at times..
Things you don't like about me..
but I'm thankful for you..

Really am..

I might have said this many times..
but I really mean it..
I thank God for you in my life..

Saw lightning at my block with baby last week..

It really is very nice..

The wonders of God's creation..

I was watching some documentary on arts central just now..
It showed the plants growing..
Dying..

The beauty of it all..

Everything's so beautiful..

All things bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small
All things nice and wonderful
The Lord God made them all

Each little flower that opens
Each little bird that sings
God made their lovely colours
He made their tiny wings

Today..
Baby brought me to a place that we've not been to before..
We went to Crystal Jade for dinner..
The food's great..
Thank you baby.. :)

Today's 9 months from the first day that we started..

I'm glad that we've managed to carry on till today..

Baby..
Although I haven't been perfect..
Although I have been giving you problems..
Been letting you feel insecure..
I'm happy that you've been standing by me all this while..

I'm glad that you've not let go of me all this while..

Thank you..

I love you..

My lap top is up and running again!!! (Finally!)

The various events that have happened..

I was rejected by NTU..
So I've got to look for a job soon..
like REAL SOON..
Gotta pay loans and all..

My student stopped tuition already..

So.......

Sigh...

Dear all...

Please bear with me..

My lap top's been down.. (still is.. am currently on my brother's lap top..)

I've wanted to blog about many things..
Wanted to change some stuff in my template..

Wait a while yeah?

I know I haven't been blogging..
Sorry!

Went out with baby today...
He bought me a mouse!

My mouse was spoilt and I was trying to improvise by using the touchpad..
and he bought me a nice mouse!
It's expensive.. but nice..

I'll take good care of my mouse..

Thank you baby..
:)

Baby..

I'm sorry..

I really do love you..
and I do not want this love to be a burden to you..

I'm leaving your side..

Till you decide that I'm not a burden..
Till you feel that I'm not pressurizing you..

I'm sorry..

This would probably hurt me more than it hurts you..

But it's for your happiness..

I'm willing to do it..

I'm sorry........

Please take care of yourself..
Especially when I'm not around..
Drink more water..
Keep yourself warm..

-Day 1 of disappearance...
No more blogging..

~Baby.. I hope that you'll be happy.. I love you still.. ~

Am I asking for too much?
Am I pressing?
Overbearing?

Am I too much to handle?
Possessive?

If that's your wish..
I'll disappear..

~I'm a genie in a bottle, baby....~

I'm afraid of what I'd hear from you when you cool down..

Yet,
I do want to hear from you...

~This hurts more than you know..~

If You're Not the One - Daniel Bedingfield

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can't you see that I love you?

Sorry for not being the perfect one you want..
I'm trying my best....

~Is the love I gave in the past gonna be enough to last.... If tomorrow never comes.....~

I don't know what's wrong..

You seem to be angry with me..

Agitated by the things I did..

Pent-up anger?
Frustration?

You don't seem to care..

I'm sorry....

~I'm useless.. it's my fault..~

Oh..

Anyway..

Baby's back..
:)

I got him a wallet for his welcome back and 8th month present..

He bought me a decoration..

1 bottle..
half-filled with love grass seeds..
with a smaller bottle inside..
containing a slip of paper that says "Qing Ding Jin Sheng"..

So sweet..

Thank you baby..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Went to catch Spiderman 3 yesterday..

Nothing much to comment except that you should really watch it..

It's GOOD... :)

I'm bored.......

Tired..

Lazy..

Don't feel like working......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was arrogant, acting like the dictator of your life. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

True true!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You Are a White Rose

You represent youthfulness and purity. Your vibe: Sweet and heavenly Falling in love with you: is like falling in love for the first time

What Color Rose Are You?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He is a Man

You have yourself a perfect gentleman and a total keeper Your guy almost always acts appropriately He's probably even very upstanding when you're not around There's no boy left in your boyfriend - he's all man!

Is He A Boy or a Man?

Whatever it is..

He's mine!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your Inner Color is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart. You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

What's" Your Inner Color?

Cool career paths..

I might just consider...... :P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Never Date a Libra

Indecisive, flirtatious, and downright deceptive - your Libra will tell you what you want to hear.Problem is they'll be telling *everyone* what they want to hear. Instead try dating: Pisces, Taurus, Virgo, or Scorpio

What Sign Shouldn't You Date?

And I've dated a libra before.........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Told you I was bored..........

Baby's on the coach to KL now...

He'll be there for dance com and will only be back sun evening..

Already missing him..
Already feeling lonely..

Oh wells...
At least my sickness is getting a teeny bit better..

Blocked nose..
Difficulty breathing..
Possible allergy to the cough mixture given..
Coughing out chunks of phlegm some with blood..

I'm sick......
Baby's sick too..
Cause of me..

Sigh..
Hate this feeling of being so sick..
Think a fever might come soon....

God..
Help me get well soon..
And for baby to get well too..

Baby..

I thank you for not giving up on me..
For giving me another chance..

Thank You..

And thank you God..

~"Find a man who is perfect enough to understand why you're not."-Kathy Lette~
~Baby.. You're that man..~

You called me a disappointment and immature..

I didn't expect words like this to come out from your mouth..
I had hoped that you'd understand..
Guess not..

Of course I'd choose him over you..
He's my guy..
While you are only a friend..

This kind of reaction is uncalled for..
You've got your girl..
I've got my guy..

It never occurred to me that you'd insult me that way..
Guess I was wrong..

Hope you're happy with your girl..

Sometimes, words are inadequate to express how you feel...

Now's a time..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will never be able to put down in words how I feel towards you..
You're special..
A gift from God..

The things I've done to make you feel this way must have been intolerable to you..

Perhaps your heart has already died out trying..

No..
You never were a substitute for anyone..

I might not have treated you in a way that you hoped for me to..
But at the very least, I'm sure I didn't treat you badly..

No..
I don't want to give up..

You say that your love for me is dying by the day..
Am I not worth your love?

You say that you won't put in 100% in the relationship..
You think I don't put in more than that?

Maybe..
Just maybe..
You don't feel the pain..

But I do..

I know you hurt..
Probably in a different way than mine..

I'm not pushing you away..
I never did..
Maybe in the way I did things..
I showed to you a view that you weren't important to me..
But you really are..

No other words can express my sorrow..
My pain..
or my guilt..

I'm sorry for not being the girl you wished for..
I'm sorry for stressing you in anyway that I did..
Sorry for everything..

Hope I did give you happy memories..

And if this still means anything to you..

I still love you..

Watched 200 pound beauty yesterday at The Cathay with baby, my brother and his girlfriend..

The show's real nice..
A little humour..
A lot of reality..

Do watch it if you can..

I'm bored...

I've finished my pile of work (for the moment)..
and I'm sick..

Runny nose..
Sore throat..
Slight headache..

And I miss my medicine..

My hunk of a guy,
sweet and good-looking medicine..

Baby..
I need you to make me feel better..

Baby..

Today commemorates our 8th month anniversary..

Although it might not be a very long time,
it is by far my longest relationship and I wish to say that I really appreciate whatever you've done for me..

I might not have been very good, causing you to feel distressed, jealous and angry..

I'm sorry..

However, I would want to tell you this........

The Virginia Tech Massacre..

Funny how something happening so far away can actually trigger so much feelings..

All because one guy has pent-up anger,
was probably abused (physically, sexually, verbally) when he was younger
decided to purchase guns and gun down 32 students and teachers in Virginia Tech,
many people had to suffer pain and sorrow..

I was reading through the many articles on how that guy could actually have been prevented from committing this hedious crime of homicide,
of how the crime took placed,
of how friends and family of the victims feel about them
and have seen many pictures of how America and South Korea mourn for the lost of these people.

Out of the 32 people killed, many were bright students with promising futures..
each important to their friends and family in many ways..
all had their lives "cut short" just because of one mad schoolmate.

I got this quote from one of the victims' parents..
"Choose to focus on life and the love and the light that our children brought into the world and not on the darkness and the madness and the death."

Maybe we really should start thinking of what God has done for us.. and not only focus on all the disasters, calamities and killings that have been happening..

~When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another. - Helen Keller~

I'm easily affected by whatever people say..
That..
I have to admit..

But I don't see the need to be affected by you..
You're no longer a part of my life..
I don't even know if I'd consider you a friend because friends don't put each other down the way you do me..
Acquaintance.. maybe..

You think that you're so good..
Prove it..

Mistakes aren't made by one party only..
It takes two hands to clap..

If we weren't good together..
It's not only my fault..
You have fault too..

Hope you have progressed as much as you claimed you did..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have to thank Desmond, Janani and baby for this..
Without you all,
I'd probably not be able to do this..

Especially baby..
Thank you so much..

Love you..

Met Vivien on the bus today..

She's my primary 6, secondary 3 & 4 classmate..
She's currently in NUS, majoring in Mathematics..
As expected of her..
Her mathematics has always been good...

The bulk of guys' MSN nicks have changed to something that reflects their enlistment dates..
Haha..

Some people have already received their university notification letters..
I've not gotten mine yet..

Guess it's that time of the year again.........

~Waiting....~

I was bored..

So I did this..

And my results........

At this time you are feeling 'uptight' and you are urgently in need of rest and relaxation; but perhaps even more than that you need to overcome that feeling that you have been 'hard done by' and treated with a complete lack of consideration. Maybe you have, but whatever may have been the cause of your inherent anxiety, you regard the situation as intolerable. Your are, however, sufficiently competent to turn that situation around - you have overcome similar problems in the past, and really this one isn't too different.

You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

You have so many ideas that you would like to revitalise but you need to realise a stable and peaceful condition to do so. Once you can free yourself from all the aggravation and tension around you, you will make strides that may amaze you. You will not be prevented from achieving all the things you so desire.

Partially true.. Partially not..
Whatever...

Just finished lunch..

I had Yong Tao Fu..
and baby had the same too!
and we're like ends apart..
Me being in ubi (east) and him in school (west)

Talk about telepathy..... :P

Read in my online devotion about pornography..
(no.. I'm not watching it.. it was WRITTEN in my devotion..)
About resisting temptation..
About the holiness of sex that's supposed to be kept within marriage vows only..

The devotion talked about this hit "show", Girls Gone Wild..
a proud creation of Joseph Francis..

Went to the net and found out a little more about it..
(you can read if you want)
I'm amazed and disgusted at what people will do just for a hat or t-shirt!

Just because it's a "brand"..
girls are willing to bare all for those items..

The things people will do just to get something they want.......

~What is this world becoming...~

Sigh..

Baby lost his wallet..
Again..

This time on bus 156 that was heading in the direction of clementi..

His wallet apparently dropped out of his pocket..

Sigh..

Second wallet..

~Is it because of me? I wonder...~

Just reached home not so long ago..

Came home from Mediacorp taking 156..
It's the first time I took this kind of bus..
and I'm glad I got to take it with baby..

This 156 is super cool..
it's known as a nokia music mobile..

The concept of the pub mirrors that of a pub..
The seats are very comfortable (although the seating capacity is generally lesser)..
There's a "bar counter" with 2 seats..

I would have taken pictures if the lighting permits but it was too dark..
Sadly, I can't find any pictures on the web as well..

If you have a chance..
Go take the bus..

I guarantee that it'll be an interesting experience..

Daddy fetched me to work today..

Baby couldn't wake up for school because he's too tired..

Both dar and I didn't want to go to work..
but here we are..

Will be going for the dance floor later..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Office politics..
It's common in every office..

PwC probably is one of the best cultured working places..
without the back-stabbings that are usually present in other working places be it in offices or restaurants..

The current place I'm working in has common "aunties"..
those who gossip..
and complain about everything under the sun..

I do try as much as possible to avoid any association with their topics unless it has regards to me..

I really miss working in PwC..
Couldn't be happier there..

Baby came down to fetch me from work yesterday..
So happy.. :)

Then we had dinner before he sent me home..

Baby..
Ron..
I'm sorry..
Something was wrong with my handphone or the connection..
Because I really did sms you to tell you I'm home..
and ron..
I did reply..

The wonders of technology..
and the problems with not having them..
A simple "connection" problem (I think it is.. because I received some sms sent yesterday early this morning at about 7+)
might cause misunderstandings..

Whatever it is..
I'm really sorry..
If it happens again..
I'll complain to starhub..

It has never crossed your mind before that I'd feel lonely when you ignore me..
Because to you..
You think that I've got many people to talk to..

Well..
I don't..

I don't know nor do I care what your friends think of me..
but it matters to me what you think..

When you don't talk to me..
I've got no one to talk to..

I don't sms other people..
I don't call others..
because I don't want to rely on them..

I don't even tell dar..
because I know she's got her own set of problems..
her own worries..
and I don't want to add an extra to her list..

I don't know if you're getting tired of me..
Maybe you are..
Maybe you're tired of the relationship..
that's why it seems that you're blowing hot and cold..
I don't know..

I really don't..

~If your heart's not in it... will I know?~

I don't need a boyfriend who's got tons of money..
I don't need one who lives in a mansion..
Or who has a few containers of cars..
I don't need a boyfriend who can bring me around the world..
Or one who can splurge on my material needs..
Or can bring me to posh restaurants every other day..

Though it might be every girl's dream..
That I don't need..

All I need is you..

Your love,
care,
concern..
Is all I need..

~Sometimes I wonder if I'm trying too hard.... ~

Wow..

This is incredible..

I actually get appreciated for doing mundane and meaningless jobs like this..

Reason being..
I gave the correct spelling of all the liquors and wines..

Just because those doing sales have different variations of the stock..

Hah..

I'm bored........
I've already finished entering 501 entries..
Each entry has an average of 5 items..
and now i have to check them..

I'm glad I'm an encouragement to some and a listening ear to others..
I'm glad that people are able to converse with me and tell me their problems..

I hope that I'll continue to be able to provide sound advice..
or at least..
that I'll always be that listening ear..
and shoulder to cry on..

I might not be wonderful..
nor might I be fantastic in many ways..
I still thank God for the chance to help others..

Baby..
You've made a great difference in my life..
and I hope I made one in yours..
I pray that we'll carry on strong..

Dar..
You've been my best friend for so many years..
I pray that we'll carry on like this..

As for others..
I hope I was able to help you in one way or another..

~A scratch on the rock never fades.. and that's how friends are~

This post my friend,
Is written for you..

Thank you for your encouragement in your blog..
I'm glad that you treat me as a friend..

Thank you for your concern of my relationship with my guy..
Now it's my turn to express my concern for yours..

I would have to say that a relationship gives a lot..
There is, in no way possible that one party only takes..
while the other gives..
'cause at some point in time,
the one giving will get sick and tired of giving..

You have to speak to your partner about this..

Allowing her to go "flirt" around with other guys,
I would think,
is a form of you letting her know that she can socialise..

The feeling of not loving her anymore might be temporal..
Might be the occurrance of her treating you as though you're an irritant to her..
She probably might not have meant it that way..

If you want your relationship with her to last,
I suggest you do something about it..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girl..

Forget about him..
Don't think of who he's currently dating..
You already have a boyfriend..

Your current guy treats you better than how he treated you..
At the very least he cares and cherishes you..

Give him a chance..
Give yourself a chance..
Give your relationship a chance..

Let your ex go..

I know memories remain..
That is something no one can take away from you..
And that should be the only thing you should keep..

Don't harbour anymore thoughts of getting back together with him..

If you're meant to be together..
God will put you two back together in the end..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A relationship involves interdependency..
You need each other..
Not stealing each other's strength..
Neither is it about being independent..

You have to share your burdens with each other..
It is a joy to share each other's burdens..
because in that,
You'll grow stronger..
and your relationship will last..

Like as a Christian is tested by fire..
the more you go through as a couple..
the more you fight it out TOGETHER with your other half..
the stronger you'll become..

As for me..
I need him..
I really do..

I've never needed a guy so much before..
It kind of scares me..
But..
I hope and pray..
That we'll be able to walk down the road together..
That God will lead us through..

Love you baby..

It's real good to be able to hear your voice early in the morning..
Helps me not to feel so alone..

Dar's back to work today..
Hope she's feeling better..

As for me.....
I'm currently at entry number 372..

I won't be going for The Dance Floor tonight..
No one contacted me to ask if I wanted tickets..
And even if they did..
I most probably would not attend..
So I guess they're just trying to save the trouble..

Miss you..
The both of you..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My blog has always been a visual attraction to people..
For whatever reasons, I do not know..

Read if you want..
Comment if you need..
But if asked to shut up..
Do so too..

I miss you..
I miss you..
I miss you..

I really do..

Come back soon ok?

Yesterday wasn't a very good day..

Good in the sense that baby came down to fetch me..
I kind of mis-directed him..
causing him to get lost..
*I'm sorry*

He was angry at me for using my phone....

Almost broke up..

Hurts real bad..

And in the course of it all..
I indirectly caused dar to faint..

I'm so sorry....

I really ain't that good after all...

I don't know what you're thinking of..
You can't even tell me what you what..
How you feel..

You can't be sure whether your feelings for me have faded..
or if I am important..
You can't even tell me if you love me or not..

You said you don't mind being single again..
You said you liked the feeling of being able to care for no one else but yourself..
I think that's being selfish..

You said that you liked the feeling of being attached..
I would think it's because you get to be loved by someone..
but if you don't want to give..
then what's the relationship for?

You don't want to hug me..
or even hold my hand..
Reason being..
You just don't want to..

You don't want to go to nice places with me..
for fear that it'll end up in a disaster..

You said that at times you feel like I need you..
at others..
You don't feel it..

I'm not about to ask if it's being fair to me..

I don't complain about being with you..
but if it's so hard to be with me..
If you don't even know whether it's what you want..
Whether it's important to you..
Whether you still have feelings for me..
I suggest you take time to think about it..

If you feel that I'm too possessive..
or that I'm not possessive at all..
Tell me..

And..
it's not that I don't feel jealous at all..
I do at times..
Just that either you don't notice..
or you don't think I was jealous..

It's not that I don't feel hurt..
I do..
If it isn't obvious..
It's just because I don't show..

You do not just shoot your mouth off at the other person and expect that person not to feel anything..
Anyone that has feelings will feel hurt..
I'm human too..

Think about it...
I don't know what else to say..
Just go think about it..

I hope that after thinking..
You'd be able to give me a definite answer instead of
Don't knows' and maybes'..

And..
I still love you..

~Sometimes a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do..~

Reactions to various people differ..
I can do it for you doesn't mean that you can do it for me..

Expectations of people vary as well..

I don't expect anything of you..

I do have hopes..
I hope that one day we'd be able to...
And till then..
I'll not give up hope..

I am able to give up all for you..
to do anything I can for you..
but I don't expect you to do what I'm willing to do for you..
because after all..
We're different..

Yet in our differences..
We find a common goal..

Our love for each other..
and hopefully..
our love for God..

In this world we'll strive..
We'll press on..
and I'll try to understand you better..

Like this phrase..

Took it from Amy's blog..
Really v nice..

'Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.'

Day 2 at work..

I got here on time..
Daddy fetched me to work..
and the office is empty except me..
and the one who helped me to open the office..

Well done..

Somebody help me...

So depressed..

I don't remember myself being so depressed..
except for relationships..

Can't understand why I'm feeling depressed either..

God..
Help me..
I can't carry on like this...

Today's my first day of work...

I'm feeling so depressed........

Got lost on the way here.. Don't ask me why.. I walked round the WHOLE area just to find the office..

I'm not having lunch either.. No mood to eat.. No appetite either.. Only bought a banana and a slice of dragon fruit to eat..

I'm doing data entry.. Super boring..

I'm really alone..
Can't talk to anyone while working..
No music whatsoever..
Even have to have lunch alone..
Strange environment..

Super upsetting..

Sat in the toilet and cried for a while..

Guess I'll really lose a lot of weight like that..

~I miss you a lot.. I don't want to be here..~

I'll be starting work tomorrow..

Somehow..
I don't feel like working..

I miss you..

I know I must work..
For you..
For me..

Baby..
Don't give up..
You told me not to give up..
You can't give up too..

You still have me..
I'm still here..
I'm always available for you..

I've been asking God if I should give up..
I asked Him to give me grace to hold on..

Now it seems that I have a choice..
A chance given to me..

Should I grab it?
Or should I not?

Is it even my choice to begin with?

~Trust and obey.. for there's no other way.. to be happy in Jesus.. but to trust and obey..~

I don't know why you don't want to go back..
I don't know why you seem to be avoiding me..

You don't seem to want to reply me..
You only reply with one-word replies..

It's worrying me..

~Can you sense what I'm feeling?~

Sometimes I really don't understand...

It might be my fault for not paying attention to you because I was on the phone..
but it would be nice if you would wait instead of just walking off and see if I'll follow..

What if I got lost?
What if I didn't follow you?
What if I couldn't follow you fast enough?

I don't know if you'd care if I didn't follow..
You put down every call that I made..

I know you still care for me..
I know that you're concerned..

Please don't simply ask me to find someone else..
Please do not just walk away..
Please..

Stay by me..
Now and always..

~I need you by me.. your love, care and concern.. the way you encourage me.. I need you..~

People change..

I can't believe you..
You lifted me up..
Threw me down..
and now you're literally trampling on me..

Do not think that the reason I'm not in the studio is not because I'm jealous..
or that I was feeling embarrassed..

It was because I was feeling upset..

My back has been hurting real bad..
I can't even do basics..

When I was sitting there and am unable to dance..
it's upsetting..
It's also upsetting that I'd probably be neglected because everyone is dancing..

So I decided to take a breather outside..

It hasn't been a good day for me..
I won't bother to elaborate what happened..

~Think before you speak.. You'll never know the consequences.. ~

I've not idea what guys nowadays are thinking..

Today..
On the way back from Douby Ghaut..
Baby and I took the same train as this guy..

I won't say that he's a metrosexual..
He looks more than that..
He looks every bit like a guy..
Only thing is that he puts on lip gloss..
Shaped his eye brows..
Did french nails..
and is carrying a LV sling bag..

He looks more girly than an average girl..
I won't be surprised if he had foundation on..

I'm not sure if that means that we as girls aren't dolling up enough..
or that being natural is good..

I'll believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder..

Love you baby..

Went to see the doctor today..
Took an X-ray..

Having some problem with my back..
Some spine joint wearing off thing..

Was given muscle relaxant and oil for massage..

While waiting to collect the medicine..
Baby and I saw this WOman..

He apparently was a cross-dresser..
Has long hair..
Thick spectacles lens that make his eyes seem big..
Was wearing a yellow coloured dress..
Stockings..
and 2 1/2 inch heels..
Sounds and looks every bit like a man..
Can't help but laugh..

Went to rest..
Then went to SnG to sit..
Then came home..
That's about all I did today..

My back is hurting very badly..
It has been like this for the past 3 days and it's still hurting..

I don't know what's wrong but it is really very painful..

It's been 7 months since we've been together..
I'm very glad and happy that we've got this chance to be together..

Baby..
I thank God for putting you in my life..
and I hope I've made an impact in yours..

Love you..

This song.. is very nice..

It's taken from the movie, Music and Lyrics..



Way Back Into Love

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking from someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And I you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Baby..
Thank you..

Love you..

I can't keep myself down..
I'm feeling super restless..

I don't know if it's because you're not here..
or if it's because of the things I've told you..

I don't know if it's right or wrong..

I'm glad I let it out..
but I know the consequences aren't going to be good too..

I don't expect everything to be bright and sunny..
I did prepare myself for the worst..

I'm trying not to worry..
trying to take things easy..

I'm not going for dance because you're not there..
and I don't want to go there to see them dance..
Maybe I'm selfish..
I don't know..

I know you're hurting..
I'm sorry..
I can't pretend that I'm not hurting along with you..
because I am..

I can't stop reprimanding myself..
Can't stop thinking..

Feeling giddy..
The room seems to be spinning..
Not tired..
Don't feel like sleeping..

~Tell me it's going to be ok.. don't leave me this way..~

Today's "celebration" wasn't very fantastic..

For one..
I'm quite sick of the way responsibility is pushed from one to another..

Secondly..
I don't seem to be able to fit in..
Either because I keep myself out..
or..
because of some other reason that I don't know of..

Whatever it is..
I don't really want to know..

Read this poem of sorts..
Want to post it here..
Because it tells of how I feel..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Could I have This Dance

I'll always remember the song they were playing
The first time I danced and I knew,
As we swayed to the music and held to each other,
I fell in love with you.

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?
Would you be my partner every night?
When we're together, it feels so right.
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

I'll always remember that magic moment,
When I held you close to me.
'Cause we moved together, I knew forever,
You're all I'd ever need.

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?
Would you be my partner every night?
When we're together, it feels so right.
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

I really do love dancing with you..
Hope that one day..
I'd be able to dance with you..
For life..
Love you baby..

Dance competition is finally over..

I guess I should have expected the results..
What I least expected..
was what he told me..
The feeling of being held up and then sent crashing down isn't the first for me..
And I guess it won't be the last as well..

Whatever it is..
it is already final..
He's decided to go his way and leave me with mine..

I suppose Clar would understand best how I feel..
but I probably got the greater extent of hopes crushed..

Though it's like this..
I have to thank baby for standing by me..
for being there when I need you to be..

I know it's not going to be easy..
I might stop dancing because of this..
but I know..
that everything is in God's hands..

I've also gotten my results..
I didn't get the results I hoped I'd get..
but at least it isn't all that bad..

I've gotten a B+ for my industrial attachment programme..
and a graduating GPA of 3.0683..
which I know..
isn't very fantastic..

Still..
I did what I could..

For you..
I hope you'll do as what you hope for in doing this..
I don't blame you for doing this to me..
Guess I'm dispensible in your sight..
Hope that you'll be able to find joy in dancing with her..

For you..
Girl.. I know you didn't do anything wrong..
I can't blame you either..
He's already hinted something in the beginning..
but you were attached then..
Hope you'll do well with him..

~Dancing is not all about results.. it's about individual growth, dignity, strength, passion and bonding as a partnership.. ~

I don't know how to handle it..
I don't know what to do..

I can't choose..
I don't want to either..

Why do you have to make things so hard for me?!?

You said that I can do it only IF I concentrate..
You ask me to stop whatever else (relationships etc.) so that I can concentrate..
Why can't I have both?

First..
you said that if I can't get into a university..
it'd be my fault for not being hardworking enough to get good results to get in..

Then..
you said that if I were to carry on with my relationship, I'd be unable to graduate from uni (if I even get in in the first place)

Why does things have to go the way you want it to?
Why do you have to dictate my life?
Do I even have a say?

NO..
and why not?!?
All because "it's written in the Bible to 'Honour your father and your mother'."

So can I honour..
yet do what I want?

Can't I go to uni..
have my relationship..
carry on with dance..
and still graduate?

Why force me to make choices that I can't?!?

Why are you dictating my life?!?

You wanted me to take the business studies option in poly..
I've done that..
I'm already graduating..

Now you want me to forgo uni to work..
and you CLAIMED that after working for 3 years in the industry..
I can complete my uni degree in a year..

No..
I don't want to be disobedient,,

Yes..
I know that I'm rebellious..
I know I want things my way..
but why force me?

Dar said she'll support me..
She asked me to go for it..
to not let you dictate my life..
Because it's my life..

If I do that..
is it considered as being rebellious?

I don't want to choose..
It's tearing me apart..

Baby..
will you wait for me?
will you not give up?

~Who can see the pain I'm going through.. who can understand the hurt I'm feeling.. None but You, Lord.. (but why do You seem so far away.. cause I'm doing wrong?)~

Things have came to a point when it's no longer you and me..
It somehow isn't us..
It isn't you nor me..

Quarrels arises..
Disagreements..
Hurt..
Pain..

You're no longer expecting anything..
You're tired..
You feel like a substitute..
You feel like I'm not giving you the attention you hope to get..

I..
on the other hand..
no longer have any idea of what to do with you..
I cannot understand you..
I do not want to be screaming at you..

You say you're tired of trying..
That you do not want to be bothered with me anymore..

I do not want to give up..
but maybe I'm just trying too hard..

Is it all that difficult?

Two people in love........
Does things really have to end this way?

~I don't know what you want anymore..~

Problems seem to be never ending..

The one thing that I've heard that is dear to my heart..
was something you said yesterday..

I might not be good at giving equal attention to the both of you at the same time..
but I do give you the attention..
Probably it's not enough..
I'm sorry..

~Without you.. I'm incomplete.. it's only with you that I'm complete and whole..~

I'm tired..
I'm stressed..
I'm worn out..
I don't know how much more I can take..

I've in some way seem to have outlasted what I could..
I used to be able to take everything in my stride..
Used to be able to do anything and everything..

Guess I've backslided..
No..
I definitely have..

Couldn't handle what I used to be able to..

No..
I won't admit it's a result of age..
I've seen and know people who can do more than me despite their age..

Sigh..

I don't know what to do..
I keep making you angry..
I keep complaining..

But do you see my pain?
Do you see my stress?
You see me everyday..
But do you understand me?
Do you know what I'm going through?

I might not be in your shoes..
But I try to understand..
You don't tell me anything..
But I try to guess..

Communication..
Understanding..
That's important..
Hope you'll understand..

I've had a wonderful Valentine's Day..

This would be the first time I'm spending Valentine's Day attached.. Although Valentine's day is over-commercialised, I would have to say that I really enjoyed myself..

I spent more than half the day at home..

After his final paper, he came to fetch me..
and he gave me..
a bouquet of sunflowers..
6 stalks..

It's the first time I'm ever receiving sunflowers.. because all along, I've only received roses..

Dinner was at toa payoh's kfc..
Haha..
Rather..
It's the same building as toa payoh's kfc..
We had Sizzler..

After that, we went down to clar's place and stayed there till early morning..

I would like to thank all who have made this possible..
Dar.. thanks for collecting the flowers (that's what you claimed you only did.. I'm sure you had some part in the planning..)
Baby.. thanks for making the day special..

The both of you..
you two really are special..
You light up my day..

Thank you..
Love you two..

It's really been ages since I last blogged..

I've ended my attachment a week ago..
and I can say that I really do miss my colleagues..

I've been to school and back the past week..
have had lots of things to settle..

Many things have happened..

Suddenly it seems as though you've changed..
The way you react..
Maybe you were feeling upset..
Maybe you are feeling lonely..

I apologise for being useless..
I'm sorry for not being able to help..

Maybe I'm thinking too much..
Or maybe it's my fault..

Sorry...