I FINALLY gt my lap top back.. sorry for nt blogging guys..

Things have been on the rocks for the both of us recently.. he keeps saying tt I dun have time for him.. tt I dun care.. dun bother..

Maybe it really is me.. my fault for nt having time for him.. bt still he shouldn't have said somethings he said..

We quarrelled on the hp 2 early mornings before.. it lasted for 2 over hrs.. n ended with me saying tt I wanted to go to slp.. bt the truth is far frm tt.. I couldn't slp till 6+, 7..

I was supposed to go out with Xian Xiang yest.. in the end.. I went to catch a movie with him instead.. nt tt I mind.. bt I had to let Xian Xiang find his own entertainment.. So sorry.. I was juz trying to do smtg to hopefully salvage the situation..
He's sick.. wanted to find med to bring for him.. bt couldn't find it.. so didn't go down.. Besides.. I was sick.. n I took med 1 hr before I decided to go to slp.. n he msged me to say tt I didn't care..

In all this.. I was at fault.. for nt respecting him.. for nt caring enough.. for being too bz n caught up with my stuff..
He said I've changed.. I wasn't like this b4.. I showed him due respect n all b4 this.. maybe I did.. maybe all tt's happened is a sign..

It's no longer a choice.. It's a final decision.. whether to stick thru it.. or to choose the easier.. yet harder choice.. I dun wanna think of tt as a choice..

Nth.. is fair.. U might be selfish n want what u hope to have bt nth is as simple as it seems.. U all might tell me nt to think so much.. bt prob it's juz me.. the same as him.. he totally LOVES to be pessimistic over EVERYTHING n even when I tell him otherwise.. He'll still think in tt way.. n am I to take the blame for everything? It's nt fair when ALL the blame is pushed to me in a quarrel although I know tt I do have my misgivings.. n it isn't fair tt we're quarrelling!

I guess tt there are alternatives to learning what u muz learn n to do what u muz.. n nt juz what u feel like doing.. tt's the difference between who u are.. n who u think u are..

Now.. I dunno what I want.. I dunno what is happening.. y it is.. bt I guess.. in time.. I will..

It all takes time...

Watched Chronicles of Narnia yest.. it's VERY nice..

There's a meaning behind it..

There's a part where Aslan was killed.. the meaning behind it is v significant.. it's like telling us of Jesus' death.. when He died although He was innocent.. and was resurrected.. He chose to die for us although we've sinned.. and He did it willingly..

Winter's gone.. Spring's here.. Winter means the cold hearts.. and Spring means the melting of the hearts.. shows tt with faith, the sunlight of the the heart.. it'll melt all hearts.. and can only be done by faith.. God..

U all should watch the show.. really good..

Christmas.. what's the true meaning of it?

It's nt the receiving of presents.. neither is it the giving of it.. the true meaning of it is that God gave His only Son to come and save His ppl.. it's Jesus' birth.. and the meaning behind it..
Christmas.. is nt "juz another holiday".. it's a day worth of celebrating.. nt cos it's a holiday.. bt cos of God's gift to us.. which is the best gift of all..

Dear.. hope tt u'll understand it in time..

The past wk was one hectic week.. VERY bz.. sigh..

Challengers camp was ok.. quite fun.. bt I was stuck in the Welfare room for the whole 3 days.. :(

Tai tai came.. wah.. she made the camp turn out to be quite.. hmmm.. I dunno..

She's the best.. she went flirting with guys.. (she's a les mind u..) n she actually sat on his lap.. ARGH!!!

She could order Mac in for breakfast.. and scolded the telephone operator in the course of doing it..

Ok.. I shall nt talk so much abt her..

Chalet was fun! Didn't do much bt spent some meaningful time with the bunch of them.. Dar, ak, greg, lloyd, shishi n KY.. went arcade.. bowling.. haha..
Saw Qing Nan n Kelvin there..

Today.. dear was angry with me..
Then we quarrelled in public for the 1st time.. like EVERYONE was staring.. cos he was so loud.. n although I didn't raise my voice.. ppl could see tt I was agitated..

I finally gt the internet up.. AT LAST!!! aft such a LONG time...

Wanna slp alr.. nitez!

Love u dear.. love u dar..

One of the MANY things guys shouldn't do... is to ask a gal to be ur gf.. then tell her a few days later tt the reason for u asking.. is cos u wanted ur bro to get u smtg frm overseas n he asked u to find urself a gf first..

Pls..

Tt'll hurt..
She knows tt u're nt serious abt it.. so things wasnt tt bad..
Bt imagine..
What IF...
She didn't know..
n she really liked u..

Even for this case..
she was still upset..
What did u treat her as?
How can she nt be angry?

U're one fortunate guy..
Nv in ur life have u courted a gal..
yet u've gt gfs b4..

Maybe tt's y u dunno how to treat gals..
cos u nv tried doing ANYTHING b4..
Maybe tt's y they say u're a bad bf..

Maybe..

I wun know...

Gd news n bad news.. which 1st..

Ok.. I shall start with the bad..

Whatever I'm going through.. is repeating again.. n I thot I could get rid of it once n for all..

Gd news..

I'm chosen for IBSM.. together with Greg n Diana.. :)
Bt then again.. I've gt no $$.. sigh.. can start borrowing alr..

Read "The Daily Bread" today.. title is "But God..." I found it v gd..
Sometimes.. God has alr given us the ans..
Do we...
Follow what He says in obedience?
or..
Come up with some flimsy, silly excuses to disobey Him?

I admit.. I've been doing the 2nd one..

Everytime I'm faced with TT particular decision.. I'll say.. God.. I know I should obey U.. I think U're saying this.. BUT........

God.. I'm sorry.. Pls forgive me of my constant mistake.. maybe it's cos of tt tt's y everything's repeating itself OVER n OVER again..
Help me.. teach me..
Help me trust in U.. help me to take away the big BUT frm my dictionary.. and be obedient to all U've planned.. cos U alone knows what's gd n what's nt.. what's the best for us all..

"I dun understand how U can constantly forgive me.. even when it seems I dun change...."

I'm sorry...

All For Love - Hillsong

Verse 1:
All for love a Father gave.. For only love could make a way... All for love the heavens cried.. For love was crucified.

Pre-chorus:
Oh, how many times have I broken your heart... But still you forgive if only I ask..And how many times have you heard me pray..Draw near to me..

Chorus:
Everything I need is You
My beginning and forever
Everything I need is You

Verse 2:
Let me sing all for love.. I will join the angel song. Ever Holy is the Lord, King of Glory, King of All.

Bridge:
All for love a Saviour prayer.. Abba Father have your way.. Though they know not what they do.. Let the cross draw man to you

Today's sermon was v gd.. it was "Discovering the Lord's Peace in the midst of trials"..

We'll face trials in 3 aspects.. the heart, glory and flesh.. the peace tt we look for is rooted in Christ only.. and we should live lives glorifying God..

Choir practice wasn't tt gd.. think tt they gotta have more control.. I was like a bit impatient.. God.. I'm sorry.. help me to be more patient..

Today.. almost quarrelled with dear again.. cos I was telling him abt my packed schedule during the hols.. then I asked him to go to church on Christmas n New Yr's eve.. then he gt upset.. cos he didn't wanna spend the only time he has with me at church..

Dear.. I know u wanna spend time with me.. bt I'm always bz..
U're tired of giving.. tired of trying.. tired of everything tt's happening..
N for me.. yet for me.. I'm bz.. I'm pressed for time n everything else..

If I had another chance.. I would start anew.. nt do the things tt we know is wrong.. maybe nt start so soon bt wait till we've known each other more b4 doing anything.. coming to God together to ask of His grace and will..

Maybe this is it..
Maybe we can start over..

Pray abt it...

Went out with dar today.. stayed most the time at douby ghaut..

Dar gave me a necklace! She spent a lot on it.. in return, I bought her clothes.. :)

I saw this v nice pendant at Taka jewellery.. gt 4.. wanted to get one for myself, one for diana n one for nat.. bt I gt no money.. my bank like left with $29 only.. :(

At PS, there was this grp tt was invited over frm the Philippines.. there's this gal.. who sang a solo.. I dunno the title of the song she sang. bt it's really nice.. and the lyrics are really v meaningful.. I dunno the exact lyrics.. bt she sang smtg like.. "I dunno how U keep forgiving me when I do things wrong when it seems I dun change.." and the last song they sang was So You Would Come..

The main purpose of Christmas.. it's nt only for giving.. It's nt abt Santa.. or receiving presents frm ppl.. It's abt Giving.. abt God giving His only Son for us.. although we're so sinful.. although we do things wrong.. God is so merciful to forgive us..

Had Pepper Lunch for dinner.. yah.. u all should try.. :)

Dar.. I've nt felt so peaceful for a long time.. prob it's bcos I've been going further away frm God.. the songs I've heard today totally calmed me..

So You Would Come - Hillsong United

Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come

Today I feel more at ease.. I'm still confused.. bt cos of the letter.. n the chpts of a book tt Junius passed to me..

The title of the book - I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris.. yeah.. it was once upon a time circulated among the teens in church.. I bought one for Michael for his bday abt.. 3 yrs back.. and now.. it's coming back again.. haha.. the wonders of it all.. God works things out.. everything..

In the past 2 mths especially, I've been thinking alot abt the present rlsp.. abt what's happening.. what's going wrong.. what's wrong.. what's right.. now.. I know..

Nth's right.. I've gotta find a rlsp tt's pleasing to God.. in His eyes.. there's this sub-chpt.. The Joy of Intimacy is the Reward of Commitment.. do u think u'll commit to any rlsp tt u're in now? Can u commit fully to it? Even the one tt u THINK will be ur other half might end up NT being ur future partner.. how will u feel then? Betrayed? Torn?
"You might say that intimacy between a man and a woman is the icing on the cake of a relationship headed toward marriage. And if we look at intimacy that way, then it becomes obvious that most of our dating relationships are all icing. They usually lack a purpose or a clear destination. In most cases, especially when we're younger, dating is short term, serving the needs of the moment. We date because we want to enjoy the emotional and physical benefits of intimacy without the responsibility of real commitment." (Joshua Harris. "The Little Relationship Principle" pg 29 in I Kissed Dating Goodbye)

A rlsp tt involves too much physical contact or even the "simple" thought of having sex is wrong.. cos the thoughts are nv simple.. "God wants us to pursue purity and blamelessness in our motives, our minds, and our emotions" (Joshua Harris. "So This Is Love" pg 22 in I Kissed Dating Goodbye)

Then there comes the qns.. what is the greatest need.. what is MY greatest need..

A rlsp tt leads me away frm God isn't right.. isn't beneficial for me.. neither is it for him..

"What is true joy? It's found in God's brand of love - love founded on faitfulness, love rooted in commitment.
The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment."

I shall leave u all with these words...

"True love isn't just expressed in passionately whispered words or an intimate kiss or an embrace; before two people are married, love is expressed in self-control, patience, even words left unsaid." (Joshua Harris. "So This Is Love" pg 20 in I Kissed Dating Goodbye)

Pray.. only then will we know what God has planned..

These few days are... I dunno..

Stressful? There seem to be many things piling.. and nth seems to get done.. I think it's the prob of having on-going projects.. and it's MANY projects..

Yest, I told Alvin smtg.. smtg tt I know I cant tell anyone in SU.. I might nt be running for SU nxt yr.. so I told him.. tt he can be the president.. and work with his own committee..
It's.. v bad.. cos.. if he becomes the president.. SU might be more recognised.. bt no one will come back to help..

What to do? I'm bz enough as it is..

Dar gt admitted into the hospital last nite.. I dunno what happened.. bt she's on the drip.. think she fainted again.. she's like getting weaker each day.. it doesn't help tt projects are so heavy and the stress is getting more and harder to take..

God.. is it cos I'm doing too many things? Or cos I dun look to U enough.. or don't I look to U at all..?
Is it cos of my past mistakes or cos I'm too bz presently..?

I really cannot carry on like tt.. I can feel life being sucked out of me..

Help me Father..

My family's back... apparently they've learnt a lot from their 3-day trip to Cameron Highlands... esp the sermon tt they've heard tt was preached by a young Bible student..

It's on Ezekial 8..

The contrast between the God of the Old Testament(OT) and the God of the New Testament(NT)... notice tt in the OT, God is always punishing the Israelites and yet in the NT, He's portrayed as the God of love.. and why is it so? The Israelites sinned against God.. so does it mean that the ppl in the NT did nt sin against God or tt God has given up on them? Neither.. God, in Jesus came to save His ppl.. in His mercy, He gave His Son to suffer for His ppl's sake.

My dad let me read Psalms 139: 1-12

Psa 139:1 O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me.
Psa 139:2 Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
Psa 139:3 Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
Psa 139:4 For there is not a wordin my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.
Psa 139:5 Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
Psa 139:6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
Psa 139:7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
Psa 139:8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
Psa 139:9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
Psa 139:10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
Psa 139:11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
Psa 139:12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

Daddy asked me to read this passage in relevance to myself.. like..

O LORD, thou hast searched me, Deborah, and known me.

What I can say is that... I've really drawn apart from Him.. The devotion of the day when I opened e-Sword was this..

Once More on Continuing in the Word of His Grace

I commend you to God and to the word of His grace, which is able . . . All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. (Act_20:32 and 2Ti_3:16-17)

God's word (which is "the word of His grace") is characterized by heavenly capability: "which is able . . . and is profitable for." By God's grace at work, the scriptures can bring us increasingly into the wholeness that is ours in Christ, as well as fully equip us for service unto Christ. All of the word of God's grace is divinely inspired. "All Scripture is given by inspiration of God." Although written through the instrumentality of men, its message is what God wanted to say. Therefore, the word is able to bring great spiritual profit into our lives: "and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness." God's word "is profitable for doctrine." This involves the teaching ministry of the word, revealing to us the path of godliness. "Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path" (Psa_119:105). Also, God's word "is profitable for . . . reproof." This involves the admonishing ministry of the word, telling us when we are drifting from God's path. "Now all these things happened to them as examples, and they were written for our admonition" (1Co_10:11). Further, God's word "is profitable for . . . correction." This involves the restoring ministry of the word, calling us back to the straight and narrow path of godliness. "Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon" (Isa_55:7). Finally, God's word "is profitable for . . . instruction in righteousness." This involves the transforming ministry of the word, moving us on down the path of Christlikeness. "But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror [the mirror of the word] the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory" (2Co_3:18).

As we allow God's word to carry on this profitable, four-fold process, His grace is bringing us into a greater experience of the wholeness that is available to us in Christ: " that the man of God may be complete." Additionally, this process is preparing us comprehensively to serve the Lord in any manner that He desires: "thoroughly equipped for every good work.

"Dear Lord, I need the word of Your grace at work in my life daily. Please impact my life by the supernatural ability of Your word. Teach me, reprove me, correct me, and instruct me in righteousness that I might walk in Your wholeness and serve for Your glory, Amen.

Hope u all will benefit frm this post.. esp dar n dear.. Love u..

Dar was over at my plc the last 2 days.. Dear came for dinner too..

The dinner for this 2 days was great.. really.. VERY nice.. :P

The 1st nite.. we had spaghetti.. sauce was done with tomatoes, minced chicken fried with garlic, button mushrooms and the bottle of sauce.. had pig's kidney n liver soup.. sparkling juice - red grape.. n I think tt's abt it..

Breakfast was.. corn flakes with milk n hot dogs!

Today's dinner was beef steak.. side dishes include broccoli, carrot, tomato, baked beans, mashed potato (with mushroom gravy), campbell's soup (cream of corn chicken mushroom).. sparkling juice - red grape/peach.. had hot dogs too..

Nice.. really nice.. it's been a long time since dar n I have cooked together.. n it's def the 1st time 3 of us are in the kitchen at the same time..

Starting to miss them.. maybe it's cos I'm all alone at home now..
Maybe it's cos of all the excitement then now quiet..
Maybe it's a gd time to think back on all tt's happened..
Reflect..
Think what went wrong where..
What I did wrong..
What we did wrong..
Nt so much on cooking.. bt on everything else..

Did express mani n pedi today.. it's nice..

Dar, Robin, Ben n dear is at my plc..

I'm trying hard.. I'm doing my best.. I cant slp.. I cant rest.. although I know tt I'm v tired.. I still cant slp.. I have to try harder.. I can't rely on med..

My body seems to be telling me tt I cant do this for much longer.. bt I'm trying to hang on..

God.. help me.. Give me the strength to go on..

I really love u.. dar.. remain happy..

I'm in sch now.. having FMGT tutorial.. dear's accompanying dar to sch.. she's slping on his shoulders.. so sweet..

Dun be mistaken now.. I'm nt jealous at all.. I'm glad.. At least they're on gd terms..

Back to tt prob..

Someone was viewed as an alien cos of the face, the hair and the eyes.. at least the person is more receptive..

My heart and stomach's been aching.. I think it's heart burn.. bt it really hurts like crazy..

God.. help me..

How can u claim to be a person's best fren if..
U dunno what ur fren likes?
U cant seem to be able to communicate well with ur fren?
U dunno what to do at all?
U dunno how to handle ur fren?

How can u claim tt u love someone when..
U dun seem to understand tt person?
U dun think in the same frequency as tt person.. or so it seems..
Ur thinking is more for urself than for the other person or the rlsp as a whole..
U dun put urself in tt person's shoes to feel how tt person feels..

If I sound judgmental..
If u think I'm wrong..
I'm irritating..
So be it..

I'm highly unstable..
Extremely emotional..
Very bz..
Potentially crazy..
Dangerously on the verge of breaking down..

All I ask for..
is ur prayers..
ALL of ur prayers..
tt God will grant me grace n strength to continue walking this road tt He has planned for me..
tt I'll know His purpose..
tt I'll be able to go thru all this.. and still trust tt it's for my gd..

My family's going to Cameron Highlands for hols today.. and I'm nt going with them.. they'll only be back on mon.. I'll miss them..

Dar.. I love u.. dun ever give up on urself.. cos I'm nt giving up on u..

Today's one of the worst days in my life.. bt when I put myself intott person's shoes, I think it's probably one of the scariest days in tt person's life..

If u woke up.. nt knowing anyone ard u.. and the ppl are juz talking to u.. how would u feel?
If no matter how hard u try.. u still cant rmb a thing..
If u hurt so much..
If u're sure tt u're going home (to glory)..
If the only ppl u rmb are ur family members..
the only things u rmb are the songs tt u've heard b4..
the ppl u once knew become strangers..

What if..
U're the one being forgotten..
U know it's nt the other party's fault..
bt u still hurt at it..
U try hard to help tt person..
bt the other party shuns u.. and it's nt tt person's fault..
U feel torn for words.. n dunno what to do..
bt u cant break down.. cos tt person needs u the most now..

God.. help us all.. help tt person.. help all of us..
Do what U see is right in Ur eyes..
Help the rest of us to know tt whatever U plan is for our good..
tt we'll be able to learn..
tt U'll guide us.. and lead us..
Help us to continually praise n glorify Ur name..
Forgive us our sins..
In Jesus' name..
Amen.

Dar.. I love u.. Diana Quah.. I really do..

I nv knew of ur temper till I gt with u.. u used to be someone with patience, who cared.. maybe it's cos of me.. cos I didn't put in effort.. or so.. u say..

I don't expect much.. I dun expect u to pay for every meal.. I dun expect u to go out with me everyday.. or every other day.. I dun really expect anything.. maybe it's cos I dun expect.. tt's y u think I dun care..

I had a last min mtg with John.. u called.. twice.. I didn't pick up.. then diana called me.. asked me to meet her in can 1.. then u called.. and asked me qns like y didn't I pick up.. what I was doing.. n didn't I know how to call back.. I know u're worried.. bt u didn't have to shout at me..

I know.. I told u tt I could acc u juz now.. bt I had to rush my presentation.. so u ended up going home instead.. I'm sorry for tt.. I really dun spend a lot of time with u.. tt's totally my fault..

I dunno if I should say this..

If u think tt I dun love u.. I've gt nth else tt I can say..
If u think tt I'm bullying u.. toying with u.. or anything of tt sort.. I can't do anything else..
If u think tt I throw tantrums unnecessarily.. or tt I'm overly unreasonable.. tell me..
Then again.. u 're sick n tired of telling me alr.. cos to u.. I dun listen..

It's nt ez to be in a rlsp.. I've learnt..
U can give.. n give.. n somehow.. it seems tt the other party doesn't seem to care..

To u.. our prob is me..

Pull the plug on it n there wun be any prob left..

Maybe I came too early.. maybe I came too late..

U said tt me wanting to solve the probs came too late.. u said tt it came when u're alr sick n tired of telling me.. when u're alr beat at trying to solve the prob..
Perhaps u tried too hard.. or nt hard enough..

I'm oso tired.. bt cos it's for US.. tt's y I'm still trying..

Many times I ask myself y am I trying so hard.. y is this so tough.. y am I struggling like this.. sometimes I think I found the ans.. bt maybe it's nt what I want to hear.. or know.. tt's y I keep trying..

I used to say tt I can do it.. Yes.. I still believe tt I can do everything thru Christ who strengthens me.. bt really.. aft sloughing so hard since sec sch till now.. I really cannot take it anymore.. I dun even know how else could I have survived the rest if nt for God..

U always tell me nt to pull God into our probs.. bt maybe tt's the BIGGEST prob.. God's nt the center of our rlsp.. He's nt a common goal.. tt's y the longer we are together.. the more friction we face.. the more struggles n probs we have.. the more tired we get..

Dear.. u always complain tt I dun tell u things.. I dun.. cos telling it straight in a person's face will hurt more than writing it out.. I'm nt gd with words.. cos I can't sugar-coat them.. They'll juz come out blunt.. n it'll cut..

Dear.. I pray tt one day.. u'll find God.. tt hopefully.. one day.. u'll believe..

I read dar's blog.. Dar.. I'm thankful to God tt He's brought u back to Him thru ak.. I know tt u've been thru a lot.. n the way ppl treat u.. including me.. isn't all tt gd.. I thank God for bringing u into my life..

I wanna let u know how impt u are to me..

U.. are my sister.. my best fren.. my encourager, comforter.. u've always been there for me when the rest only know how to comment and grieve me..
U're the most impt person to me.. I dunno how to pull thru whatever I did if it wasn't for ur constant encouragement..
U taught me things tt many couldn't.. helped me thru situations when others didn't care.. was by my side without grudges..
U've a strong heart n character.. u could see the gd in others when the rest can only see the bad..

U told me tt God nv puts an impt person into ur life then take him/her away like tt.. Maybe He juz wants us to learn..

I know tt ur body is getting weaker by the day.. and I pray tt He'll sustain u.. and keep u..
bt IF..
IF one day soon He were to take u away..

I'll still smile n say..
Thank you God for u..

Dar.. I love u..
Although I may nt show..
Although I might trouble u A LOT..

I really do..
Love u..

Today's sermon was gd.. text was taken frnm 1 Sam 15:22,23.. basically speaks of obedience to God is more impt than sacrifice.. a call to obedience.. no matter how hard should be followed..

In application to my life..
God.. in His ans to prayers.. might give a yes, no or wait.. and even if the ans is no.. He expects u to obey.. even if it's going to be hard..

Dar said.. as we grow n mature, we stop running away frm our probs and face them..

When I look at things frm my pt of view.. I wonder if all along I've been running away.. or facing it.. cos when I think back.. I see tt maybe.. God has alr given me my ans.. bt I juz didn't wanna accept it.. I'd think tt IF I try harder.. tt IF I pray more.. the ans will be different..

What should I do.. be obedient..? Sacrifice? Face it? Or continue running frm the solution?

Guess in the end.. Only I can make the decision..

~When all the cards are laid on the table.. it's only up to me to choose to accept or decline.. ~

Junius told me a story which I find true..

Once, there was a flood in the suburb region.. a christian man was stuck on top of a roof.. he prayed to God, "Oh God, pls rescue me and bring me to safety.."
God sent a boat to rescue him bt the man refused the help.. so the boat went off.
The man prayed again and asked God for the same thing.. another boat came to rescue.. he refused it again.
The man prayed the third time and asked God for the same thing.. a 3rd boat came to rescue.. and he refused it..
Aft tt, the man prayed to God again and again.. bt God didn't send help anymore..

What I deduced frm it?

Sometimes.. the answers are staring u in the face.. bt juz cos it isn't what we expect it to be.. we refuse to accept it..

Life's full of decisions.. the wrong step may land u in a dangerous situation.. things may nt have to be this way.. if only...

God.. help me see.. help me know.. help me follow.. pls..

Anyway.. went to polyclinic to see alr.. the doc said tt it's ok.. bt still referred me.. juz in case.. bt.. I really think I'm fine.. :)

I'm sick.. like really.. I'm having flu.. n I dunno if it's cos I havent been slping or cos of the weather..

Thurs.. Dear n I had "cold war".. I dunno what happened bt hurting words were hurled at me.. maybe I did smtg.. bt whatever I did.. I dunno what it was tt affected him..
Dar n I went to Marina to eat.. then we went back..

Yest.. went to help Brenda for her prom aft sch.. then went to J8 to eat.. bought a new pair of shoes.. had dessert.. came back..

Later.. going to see doc.. mtg dar n nat at amk mrt station at 8.. then meet dear to go for band concert at VCH.. yah..

Oh.. Lloyd said tt I was b****ing ard.. tt's y dear is like tt.. in layman terms.. it's like if I give him a hug, he'll want a kiss.. if I give him a kiss, he'll want whatever..
Basically, a conclusion is drawn tt if I give so much.. n suddenly dun give tt much.. he'll start complaining..

Maybe tt's what's happening..

God.. help me know how much to give.. help me balance my time.. help me spend more time with U..

My dad came back at 12+ this morning.. He opened a bottle of champagne of 20 yrs old.. cos it was leaking.. then he opened another bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, 1997, Chile.. Nice wine.. the champagne was a bit salty though..

Y the mood for celebration? Cos it's my parents' 20th wedding anniversary.. Whatever my dad said was.. touching.. def emotional.. and makes me feel totally bad..

He said tt we're pious.. filial.. faithful to God..

I feel tt I wasn't totally the "fit" in those descriptions.. I'm nt faithful to God.. I break commandments.. I regret bt dun totally repent.. I say I'll do it bt I always end up nt doing it.. I dunno.. I should do smtg abt it.. I will.. I have to..

I'm actually sitting in the atrium now.. with ppl sitting beside me.. staring at what I'm typing.. Ben was abt to comment smtg.. Haha..

The outcome yest wasn't all tt gd.. some of the "seniors" were complaining tt they have to pay.. tt they're being "down-graded" to freshies again.. blah blah blah.. I feel like telling them.. WHATEVER.. u dun wanna come is UR prob.. $12 isn't a lot for a camp.. esp when it's a 3 days 3 nites camp..

I'm tired.. Dear n I have agreed nt to meet each other for a wk beginning tmr.. limit smses.. dun talk unnecessarily.. yup.. personal reasons.. no probs between us..

I know.. it's been yet a long while since I've blogged..

Ok.. I have to update u all abt my health condition..

I didn't attend sch for 3 days last wk.. Wed - Fri.. reason being I was allergic to antibiotic.. yah.. yet another antibiotic allergy.. For those of u who do nt alr know.. I'm allergic to Penicillin.. Now.. I'm oso allergic to Erythroncin.. mmm.. tt's yet another branch of antibiotic tt I cannot take.. ok.. juz cos of the allergy, I had an outbreak of rashes.. bt no worries.. I'm getting better alr..

On fri, I went back to sch to stay over.. Kat n Bell came over to SU to stay too.. all of us were involved in painting the Challengers recruitment banner.. Dear n I ate med.. so we kinda slept thru the nite.. waking up at 4+ to paint.. had breakfast at KAP.. oh my gdness.. speaking of KAP.. I really haven't been there for a LONG time.. everything's changed.. it has been renovated.. it's SOOO NICE!!! ok.. aft breakfast.. we went back to painting.. aft painting then went to rest again..

Aft leaving sch, I went to a clinic.. Dear wanted me to have a check on my heart.. so I did.. had an ECG taken n some abnormabilities were found.. nth all tt great.. juz tt some part of my V1 n V2 graphs tt's supposed the be inverted are inversed.. tt's all.. The doc referred me to TTSH cardiologist dept.. the appt is set on 4/1/06, 2.50pm.. under some Dr Yong Kwek Wei, Clinic 2B..

I'm intending on going to polyclinic later today to get a referral to the doc.. cos it'll def be cheaper.. and.. it's like getting a 2nd opinion.. so.. it'll prob be better.. mmm..

Dear n I have been on rather gd terms the last wk.. :) At least we weren't quarrelling.. or in disagreement..

Harry Potter & the Globet of Fire is a nice show.. yup.. I really dun mind watching it again.. although U've alr watched it twice.. :P
n ohhh.. I wanna watch Chronicles of Narnia.. Chicken Little.. X-men 3.. So many! Sigh..

Dear asked me.. what to me is love..

Take a look at my running javascript at the bottom.. there's a list of what's love.. n what's nt..

At the side.. there's sm stuff abt love..

In my blog.. there's other things abt love..

Bt.. as he says.. there's nth abt my view of love..

I feel inadequate to talk abt it.. cos I'm nt mature enough to talk abt it..

I know what the Bible says abt love..

1Co 13:4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
1Co 13:5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
1Co 13:6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
1Co 13:7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Bt what do I say?

Love isn't what u feel it is.. If u feel it strongly.. a rush or surge.. it's nt love.. it's emotions..
Love is.. totally different.. it's smtg tt wun die.. it's smtg tt keeps ppl going on.. like God's love.. it's immeasurable.. it cant be compared..
Whatever "love" we have or so claims tt we have.. isn't at all as it seems..
Love isn't the need to be with the person.. it isn't the physical contact.. it isn't the sweet nths tt u whisper to each other..
Love cant be measured by percentage.. cos if it can.. it isn't love..
When u miss someone tt it feels tt it tears u apart.. it isn't love..
When u sacrifice some things.. or everything for tt person.. it isn't love..
Love isn't when u feel hurt losing tt person..

Love is when God puts the both of u together.. to hold n to cherish each other for the rest of ur lives till death do u part..

Yes.. I know it sounds like the love vow.. bt isnt it true?
All our so called "definitions" of love may sound profound, sugar coated, flowery, exotic.. WHATEVER..
Bt which of these is the actual meaning of love?
It isn't juz to see the other party being happy.. it isn't plain sacrificing.. it isn't the time u spend together or how much u see each other..

It's abt how u spend the rest of ur life making the person happy..
It's abt how God will bless the both of u..
It's abt tt pure rlsp tt will be shared btwn the both of u n God..

Tt..
to me..
is LOVE..

Yest's our 6th mth together.. it's supposed to be a happy event.. well.. it was..

Until now..

Now.. we're on the phone.. the word "quarrelling" comes to mind.. bt it can v well be seen as "arguing" or "discussing"..

This time.. it's cos I was on the phone.. asking abt tutorial matters.. with him on the other line.. then he put down the phone..
I called him back.. asked him loads of qns.. which I did nt hear any ans to.. so I put down the phone.. He called back.. n asked me y I put down the phone on him.. cos he ansed me.. I really didn't hear..

In the past mth.. we've been quarrelling.. N I know.. it's more than a mth..

Ok.. maybe it's my fault.. I dun have time for u.. I dun listen enough.. I'm childish.. I dunno how to handle my emotions.. I'm at fault..

No.. u're nt wrong in wanting more time.. when I dun give.. u're nt wrong in getting angry.. cos I juz seem to be too bz for everything else except u..
U're nt wrong when u throw ur temper at me when it seems to u tt I'm being a missy.. cos I threw my tantrum at u first..
When u feel tt I dun listen.. maybe I really dun.. n u get upset abt it.. no.. u're nt in the wrong.. I am.. cos I dun listen..

I no longer know what I want.. I know tt u want me to listen.. maybe it's my fault all along.. it's all me..

The feelings u have for me still remain strong.. maybe it's me..

Things turn bad like this.. all cos I didn't make the effort to keep it going.. cos I'm childish, immature in this rlsp.. cos I dun understand u.. cos all I know is to say.. n nt act..

Maybe I only know the theory.. I cant do the practical..

Sometimes I feel as though I'm ruining ur life.. cos u seem tired.. upset when u're with me.. esp nowadays.. I'm sorry..

Saying sorry.. doesn't work..

I know.. unless I change.. nth will work..

Sorry..

If loving u makes things so hard.. I dunno y I do.. cos I dun wanna see u going thru this..
It's all cos of me..

Dun cry cos of me.. I'm nt gd.. I'm nt worth ur tears.. cos the one who does.. will nt make u cry..
n I..
have made u cry so many times..

It feels weird to suddenly stop contacting someone aft u've been talking to tt person for a while.. I dunno what's wrong bt.. Kenny's no longer contacting me..

I hafta stress on the fact tt there is NTH going on between the both of us.. we're only frenz.. prob we're gd frenz cos we understand each other therefore we have the same frequency when we talk..

Bt now.. it's the kinda feeling like I've suddenly lost a fren..

I dunno.. feel kinda sad..

Been talking to Zaed today.. haha.. he knocked his head into SU's glass door.. HAHA!! Funny!!

Dear.. there's nth to be jealous abt Kenny.. really.. he's understanding of me came frm the pt tt he's been thru what I'm going thru.. tt's y he knows.. u.. n I however.. are walking parallel to each other.. so if we wanna know.. we really have to observe n talk it out..

I'm sorry for nt having enough time for u.. I know.. I'm nt gd.. sigh.. I'll try to make time k..

Love u.. *muacks*

Sometimes.. u nv know how impt a person is to u.. till there comes a time when he/she leaves u.. or when u have to make a difficult decision tt involoves tt person..

To say to cherish.. is ezier than to do it.. It's ez to talk.. cos talk is free.. actions however are harder to do..

Would u accept the other party.. if he/she loves someone else..
Would u rather be with him/her juz for the chance of loving him/her..
Or want him/her to accept u too..

Roy told me.. tt to him.. love isnt a win or lose battle.. it's where all wages, all disputes are put aside to heal 2 persons hearts.. a place where they learn more about each other and themselves.. tt when u're with a person.. it's nt a gain.. n when tt person leaves.. it's nt a loss.. cos u dun own the person..

Chun Xiang asked me today what in my opinion is a gd bf.. I told him tt he would have to be someone who encourages me, supports and motivates me.. to be possessive in a way bt still give me my freedom.. to give more than what I'd expect..

I guess.. all these are juz expectations.. in the end.. whether the person u're with can live up to those expectations aren't all tt impt.. it's the love u have between each other tt keeps u 2 going..

I love u..

Corrinne May - If you didn't love me

If every drop of water disappeared from the land
And every drop of ocean suddenly turned to sand
That would all be nothing
Compared to what I'd feel
If you didn't love me

What if I woke up and couldn't hear a sound
And all that I could see was darkness all around
That would still be nothing
Compared to what I'd feel
If you didn't love me

If I could have the world and all that money could buy
And I could travel far beyond the moon and the sky
If they gave me golden wings, well I still couldn't fly
without you, nothing would matter

You and I walk beside each other day after day
But there's so much inside me, I never get to say
My life would be so emptywith nothing left to feel
If you didn't love me
If you didn't love me.

Haven't been blogging for a period of time..

2 days ago.. I was up late till 4+ in the morning.. to rush my report.. thankfully I managed to do it..

Had like so many black-outs yest.. nt the lights bt me.. it's like bad.. sigh.. I think it's cos I dun eat enough.. n didn't have enough rest.. so prob it's juz me..

Today's Events Mgt is ok.. had a 15 min break.. came back frm it n Greg told me tt he's ended class.. like.. WHAT?!?

I came into the office in hope to catch some rest.. in the end.. I'm still nt aslp yet n I've been doing a lot of stuff.. giving out stationary.. calling vendors for quotations on paper.. juz had lunch nt so long ago.. Shamm bought it for me frm SIM.. Chicken chop with cauliflower, mashed potato n cream of mushroom.. Yum! :)

I'm tired.. n I'm nt done with my cross stitches.. whatever! I've gt no time alr!!! :(

Today.. I had 3 lectures.. Human Resource Management (HRM), Business Law (BLAW) n Enterprise Creation & Development (ECD)..

I woke up late.. cos I didn't set my alarm.. haha.. woke up at 8.. lessons start at 9..

So I took 2 buses.. couldn't get a cab cos it's like raining n it's peak hrs.. bt it's a gd thing I didn't.. Cos the lecturer juz started nt long b4 I arrived.. n I was 1/2 hr late.. nice huh.. :P

I fell aslp during HRM lecture.. the lecturer was really boring.. Rosa Koh.. ewww..

BLAW was gd.. I think it wasn't tt bad.. I kinda like it..

ECD is nice.. Mr Leow.. N I won a tb.. haha.. cos I managed to guess who those few entreprenuers' were.. :)

Today.. dear n I were having some probs.. I met him aft lessons n acc him.. I guess.. it was me.. cos I didn't have time..

He told me tt he didn't really feel for me.. n I was abt to say tt I feel the same way.. bt.. well.. we are a little better now..

I did write a little smtg before ECD lecture.. bt I've decided nt to publish it.. cos.. it's nt v positive.. yup..

I hurt..
I cry..
Do u know?

U're hurt.. by me..
U cry.. cos of me..
I apologise..

It nv works..
It'd nv work out..
If we're going to carry on..
Like this..

Many things..
I dun say..

Maybe I expect too much..
Maybe I want too much..
Maybe I dun give enough..

It seems hard..
I hope we'll find something we agree on..

Tt one day..
We'll be happy..

Truely happy..

The conference was gd.. Pastor Kortering's sermons were v beneficial..

This yr's a 2-in-1 conference..

The 1st message is The Gospel, Salvation in Jesus Christ.. He talked abt Martin Luther.. abt how he struggled for his spiritual life cos he wasn't a Christian when he started out.. tt he seeked God's grace n mercy.. Luther managed to see tt the root problem is nt tt we do wrong occasionally bt tt our nature is such.. There r 5 solas.. Sola Scriptura (Scripture Only), Sola Christus (Christ Only), Sola Fidei (Faith Only), Sola Gratia (Grace Only) n Soli Deo Gloria (To God be the Glory Only).. tt the heart of the gospel is justification is by faith (Isa 64:6)..

In comparison, the modern gospel preaches modernism n liberalism which rejects God's sovereignty.. They preach the rationalism instead of scripture, tt Christ is bt a great man n nth more, tt we can earn salvation thru works instead of juz by faith, nt only of grace bt by science n logic, glory to man instead of only to God..

The 2nd message is The Gospel, God's Power to Save.. This time it's abt John Calvin.. We believe in divine predestination, tt a ppl is chosen & given to Christ.. atonement of Christ, tt Christ dies for a definite ppl n nt for all.. N the sovereignty of God's grace.. God works His sovereignty thru the will of man by grace.. tt everyone who is sentenced to hell in the end, chose to go there by rejecting the gospel n choosing sin.. The sovereign Grace as expressed in TULIP which is Total depravity, Unconditional predestination, Limited atonement, Irresistable grace n Perseverance of saints.. Pastor Kortering spoke abt the differenciation between Armenians' belief n ours in terms of TULIP.. n tt preaching is v impt.. n it's also of utmost importance tt the Christian listens to the preaching cos it's frm there tt u'll know..

2 major pts tt I picked up today..

Everything begins n ends with God..

&

Faith comes by hearing.. n hearing by the Word of God..

I'm sorry..

Today's my fault.. I shouldn't have done tt..

I know.. saying sorry doesnt work.. it doesn't work anymore..

Saying angry words.. doing things.. some cannot be taken back..

If it's so hard.. I dunno what to do to make it ezier..
I know.. I'm at fault too..

I.. I'd prob choose nt to blog anymore..

Today's the 1st day of sch.. 1st lecture of the sem.. Financial Management..

Cool tchr.. talks fast.. teach fast.. everything fast.. He's a nice guy though..

N I wonderfully helped Lloyd to choose him as his Events Management tutor..

I bought smtg tt I'm going to make for Wei Er n Joshua's wedding.. I'm quite confident I'll be able to finish it in time..

If u wanna love someone.. do it with ur heart..

I know it's hard.. bt unless u're committed to tt person.. I think tt u have no right to say tt u love the person..

I might have been confused the past few days.. bt now tt u've said it.. I think I know..

Dear.. it's nt ez for me.. it's nt ez for u either..

U say tt I haven't been spending a lot of time with u.. I'm sorry.. I should spend more time with u..

God may separate us if the rlsp isn't healthy.. if we dun follow His word.. if we're doing things wrongly..

Dear.. it may be hard.. bt if we dun do the wrong things... it should be ok..
Maybe God wants us to do something greater..
Something tt doesn't juz revolve ard us..

Bt till then.. I love u..

Back frm lunch.. today's lunch was great!

Had lunch(duck rice @ Philips St) with Stephanie n her ex-colleague Wendy.. her ex-colleague's son, Benson is yr 1 in NYP taking DMD..

Then.. dessert at The Arcade with Stephanie only.. Sesame paste n Barley with Gingko Nuts..

N now.. Ice cream bought by Annie..

I really AM going to be FAT!!!

There's this ladies party over at Coffee Club.. Kotex party.. their mkting strategy is attractive.. They gt gd-looking, well-built, macho hunks to hold Kotex umbrellas to shelter ladies to the party.. interesting huh.. we literally gt to feast our eyes out.. bt dun worry.. my eyeballs are still with me.. :P

Dear.. dun be jealous.. u can be as well-built if u train.. n eat.. provided u'll put on weight.. haha.. bt u're ok the way u r.. :)

*hugz*

Everyone faces problems.. the only difficulty is how u're going to face it.. whether u're going to run away frm it.. or accept it..

Accepting the fact takes immense courage.. acting on the matter takes boldness..

Running frm the problem is the easiest thing to do.. cos then.. u can choose nt to care.. nt to be bothered.. nt to bother..

Bt the matter is still there in the end..

Loving someone takes sacrifice.. takes time.. takes effort..
U may get hurt.. u may feel tt it's for nought.. u may get tired of the whole thing in the end..
Bt it's oso then tt u'll know whether what u've done is worth it all..

Dun wait or give up.. n regret..
If u know u'll regret.. act on it..
If u're sure u wun.. then leave it..

Today's quite a slack day.. cos I was able to slack for half the time.. :)

Had lunch with Joye n Annie at Warung by the bay.. the food there's nt bad.. saw YCF (Young Chee Foong), our Admin partner there with a client..
We walked ard aft lunch.. n came back late.. bt who cares? It's nt like everyday tt we come back late.. Haha..

I'm wearing v light colours today.. white top with salmon strips, light brown skirt..

Going for training later..

Feeling so tired now..

I'm left with max 1/2 hr..

Meeting Kenny to get somemore Vicks sweets..

Dear's coming to acc me to go to nyp later..

Nat's screaming in my ears now.. saying tt Kenny's so nice to me.. like.. he's always so nice.. n he's sick.. I'm sick.. n he has smtg which will prob make me better.. so he's giving them to me..

Can't wait to knock off..

I had Polar Puffs n Cakes' Chicken pie for lunch..

Drank 2 types of cooling tea so far..

Huey Ling gave me a plum..

Kenny passed me a few vicks sweets..

Justin was telling Kannan to invite me to some I dunno what.. cos Fri's my last day..

So cool! Haha.. I'm crazy..

Bt I'll def miss the ppl here.. ppl like..
Joye, Annie, Phyllis, Seng Syong, Chye Hoon, Huey Ling.. who work in the same room as me now..
Lily, Gillian, Lymond, Chee Kian, Jun Hong.. who were in the same plc where I worked tt time..
Stephanie.. n her cakes.. :P
Justin, Kannan.. n their jokes..
Shack.. n his concern.. n constant attempts to bring me to court.. (which I still have nt gone n will nt be able to cos the nxt hearing is on 4 Nov..)
The lunch outings with the gals..

Yup... I'll def miss all these...

This is smtg interesting tt I've found..

If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offsping, your friend, or your colleague. If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right -- for me.

To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.

Dear's going to take his basic theory.. N I haven't!!! :(

Juz received news frm Joye tt they cant have lunch with me today! :(

Sad... nvm.. then I can go look for Kenny.. n take a look at my shirts.. haha..

Can have lunch with them tmr.. then skip the baby lunch..

By the way.. baby lunch is nt lunch for babies.. it's their mthly celebration for lawyers n staff whose b'day falls in tt mth..

Hihi.. I'm back in the office..

Ok.. let me give u the details..

This morning I entered the office, I went to make my cooling tea.. then.. b4 I even had the time to drink, Jasmine came rushing in.. telling me tt we muz leave..

We went to Republic Plaza.. CPL building to be exact.. lvl 62.. Tower Club.. a plc where only members can enter.. apparently sm of our lawyers are members of tt club.. we had a seminar for the China delegates there.. The view frm tt height is magnificent.. commercial buildings on one side, the horizon.. the hdb buildings in the distant.. keppel harbour.. ships.. cargo.. crates..V nice.. too bad I couldn't bring my hp there.. else I would have taken sm pics..

The lunch (for them only..) is at Ba Xian restaurant which is at lvl 63.. it has a view overlooking the sea..

Then.. we came back.. reached at abt... 12.20pm.. My tea's COLD.. I looked at my hp.. n I found out tt I've gt 17 miss calls n 8 msges.. wow.. haha.. ppl muz really have missed me when I'm gone.. :P

Out of which, 1 call is frm nat.. n the other 16 frm Roy.. 1 msg frm marcus, 1 frm kenny, 3 frm roy, 3 frm Xian Xiang..
Roy was real worried.. cos I usually am in the office on msn with him during tt period of time.. n when I'm nt there.. n nt picking up my hp... well.. it kinda calls for worry..
I'm sorry.. should have msged u b4 hand.. bt didn't have the time.. n u weren't online yet.. so couldn't tell u..

Dear muz have been v tired.. he should have called me this morning.. bt I guess he juz overslept.. haha.. Piggie.. :P

I'll be going to Warung by the bay for lunch!!! :)
Tt's one reason y it's gd to have gd rlsps with ur HR officers.... haha..

It's raining cats n dogs here..

Went out for lunch with Annie.. we walked the covered passage way so we weren't affected by the rain..

Lunch was ok.. :)

I found out who called me.. bt nvm.. I dun blame tt person.. Tt person was so afraid tt I'd be angry for waking me up.. so tt person kept quiet n didn't dare speak.. haha..

It's only 2.44pm n yet it looks like 7pm.. waiting for the time I'm released.. oh.. bt I've gotta stay back a little to help them do stuff... hmmm..

Dear brought porridge down for me yest.. nice porridge.. :)
We went to catch a movie aft dinner.. Flightplan.. quite cool.. the twist was quite gd..

Many things I dunno how to put.. other things I would rather nt say..

Dear.. yest was a gd day for the both of us.. at least we didn't quarrel.. at least we were happier yest..
The past wk was quite hectic n upsetting for the both of us...
Yest.. we calmed down more..

Bt it doesn't mean tt the differences are over.. we still have many differences.. I dunno if we should solve it.. or leave it.. cos it's def nt smtg tt can be done overnite..

Roy.. I know tt u read.. I would really like to thank u for all tt u've done.. n/or intend to do.. u've really been great.. encouraging me.. helping me in ways tt u nv thot u did..
I know what u want.. what u need.. what u hope for.. bt tt.. I cannot give.. what I can offer.. is what u alr see..
U're a capable guy.. President of the ambassadors, involved in more CCAs than one n holding some position.. Alumni of ur sec sch.. Student Officer-to-be.. all these u alr r.. n can be.. n more..
If only u can open up a little more.. I'm sure u can see more...

I'm sick.. n it feels horrible..

It's hard to concentrate when I'm sick..

Dear cooked porridge for me.. bt he didn't come down during lunch cos he was too tired..

Nat came down to acc me for a while..

Had porridge for lunch..

Went to G2000 to look at stuff n for Kenny.. Kenny's real nice.. His ex doesn't know how to appreciate him.. I hope his nxt gf would..

I might be getting a fever soon.. n I can't do anything to help it.. sigh..

Daddy went thru my hp again.. sigh..

Yest's sermon n lessons were quite gd..

I'm down with flu n sore throat.. if I dun take better care.. I'd prob have fever as well.. n yes..
I'm in the office..

Well.. it's nt tt I'm all tt hardworking.. bt cos I've gt no leave left to take.. besides.. IF I take the leave.. I've gotta see a doc for MC.. so might as well come to work..

I dun wanna fail my ITP cos of some sickness..
Tt's nt worth it..
At all.....

I feel like telling Marcus to let go.. I see no pt in him hanging on like tt.. bt then again.. I know how hard it is to like someone.. n esp aft he's put in SOOO much effort.. bt she doesn't give a hoot abt it! She's going out with other guys ALONE.. she's nt admiting tt she's with him.. n worst still.. she doesn't even admit tt she's attached.. when asked.. she said tt she's sure of her decision to be with him.. n tt her stand is firm..

She doesn't want me to know abt it cos it apparently involves other ppl.. bt I'm going to keep hush hush abt it.. so u wun see much updates abt this.. only general ones if need be..

I'm like SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired..
I feel like slping...
I'm dozing alr......
Zzzz...

Went for training aft a LONG time.. Marcus is going for NS tmr! N he's gt long hair.. n it looks as though he'll cry when he leaves..

Met Marcus, Roy n their fren Kenny for dinner.. we went to Sgoon Central to eat.. it's NICE! The food I mean.. :)

Kenny's quite a nice guy.. gentlemanly.. offered n took food for nat.. cool!

Saw Jonathan (mushroom pot) in the bus.. then Sahfari at the bus stop.. we STARED at each other.. wasn't quite sure it was true then he called my name.. haha.. funny.. :P

Ok.. tired alr.. nitez!

Today's COOL!!!

Tan Tien Siang.. my LO came down to look for me.. Joye was so shocked tt he didn't ask to talk to her! Haha!!! U all should have seen her rxn..

For the whole day I've been looking for stuff.. filing.. photocopying.. searching for mp3 players..

Gt into a little argument with dear over it.. sigh.. I dun understand y we're quarrelling so much nowadays..

Gt a lot to eat.. cup cakes.. ba kua..

N I'm going for training later.. haha..

Is tt supposed to work....?

I had breakfast! BK breakfast takeaway.. then BK lunch.. haha..

Had lunch with dear.. then he made honey drink for me.. :)

I'm slacking now.. asking for quotations AGAIN.. tt's like SOOOO usual.. haha..

WOAH!!!

SP's results are released alr.. Eugene Ong has 3As, 1B+, 1B, 1C... Edmond has 2As,1B+,1B, 1C+ with a GPA of 3.4 and they're still complaining.. like what in the world.. mine dropped frm 3.2 to 2.9!!!

Nvm.. I juz hafta buck up.. I've gotta set my priorities right.. more focus on studies.. in sch.. on my spiritual growth..

Suddenly I'm nt sure where the rlsp is going.. we seem to be trying too hard.. and are still moving in different directions.. if it's a test.. I can say tt we're both tired of trying.. if it's a hint.. I dunno if I'm reading it correctly..

Dear.. I'm sorry.. bt it seems like we're both childish in this rlsp.. will it matter to u tt I become what I am..? Or was.. or what I muz to cope with whatever I hafta cope with.. can u grow up too? I dun see the pt in quarreling over minor issues.. I dun understand y u've gotta be so paranoid.. I know.. past experiences affect perception..

I dun want our rlsp to degrade to the extent tt the reason left with being with u is cos of responsibility.. I hope tt in time.. u'll come to believe in what I believe in..

Roy n Marcus came down frm sch to join me for lunch.. I was actually contemplating on slping thru lunch break.. bt since they came down.. we went to eat..

Aft lunch.. when we were abt to head back.. it started pouring.. so here I am.. wet.. nt to the extent of dripping wet bt I did get caught in the rain.. a little..

I know.. I cant fall sick.. I promised to tc of myself.. dun worry.. I'm strong enough.. a little rain wun affect me.. :)

I've gotta go back to work..

I bought deloba.. :P
My favourite!

Did typing today.. as in literally TYPE on a typewriter.. I've nt touched a typewriter for a LONG time.. this is a digitalized one.. quite cool.. :P

Being overseas is gd.. in a way.. cos u can get away frm all the hustle n bustle of stressful Singapore.. to take some time off.. sit back.. relax.. rejuvenate urself.. and it muz be coupled with lotsa fun n loads of laughter..
Then there muz be some special person/ppl there tt makes everything joyful.. tt make u learn smtg abt urself tt u otherwise would nt have found out..
U make a great bunch of frenz who hang out.. stick together.. although u've only knew each other for such a short period of time..
The ppl create an impact in ur life..
An impact tt will stay..
For life..

I miss u guys.. although we're frm different polys.. we clicked well.. we talked.. helped each other with our probs.. tried giving each other advice.. stuck together.. bonded excellently..

I'll cherish the times we had.. the crazy things we did.. the lame jokes we shared..

My newly made buddies.. Ashton, Edmond, Joan, Jonathan, Kat, Marcus, Nicole, Roy, Stanley, Wen Ling, Zen..
My flea mkt team.. Tabby, Gaurov, Sis, Alex, Mya, XB, Annur..
Kendrick..
Vishal, Sahfari, Isabelle, Hui Wen..
Thanks ppl.. u all have made a great impact in my life.. thank u all for it.. :)

Dear.. they are really v nice ppl.. they kept encouraging me when we had probs.. telling me nt to give up.. reminding me tt u're a rare catch..

Dar.. ur rlsp with ak may nt always be sunny skies.. bt hang on.. pray abt it.. dun give up so easily.. n u all will be able to see the rainbow at the end..

Thank God for all of u.. Love u ppl..

Someone's going to sue daddy for bankcrupcy.. n he's putting the stress on me..

What's so hard to understand? I'm NT a person who prints money.. I've nv been.. y keep stressing me?!?

Dear's so paranoid over everything.. a simple qns can stir up his negative thots..

Dear.. pls.. dun be so paranoid.. cos u'll freak out.. n in turn freak me out..
I'm nt going anywhere.. pls.. dun make me..

I know tt we're struggling to keep the rlsp going.. cos there're many obstacles.. it's nt ez.. no body said it was ez.. bt no one said it'd be so hard..

Dear.. pray abt it.. trust in God..

IF anything were to happen to this rlsp.. it's all in God's hands.. maybe it's juz nt the right time.. or maybe u've yet to find the right one..

I dun wanna carry on this rlsp built on emotions n feelings.. tt's y I need to assess our rlsp.. I need to know tt thru these past mths I haven't been juz relying on feelings.. bt when I look at it.. it seems to me tt I really have been juz feeling.. cos the love of God is nt with us..

I know it's hard to get u to go to church.. I cannot force u to.. although I hope u'll go with me.. bt it's easier said than done..

Dear Father..
Lead us.. guide us.. help us along the way.. help us to see which road U've planned.. and if the road turns out tt we're going to move in different directions.. pls help us to accept it with humbleness of heart.. and to implore Ur grace.. help us to trust U.. to see tt everything will work out for gd to them who love U..
Keep us from evil..
Forgive our sins..
In Jesus' Name.
Amen.

I've shifted back to the admin office cos there's a new attachee coming in..

I'm tired.. quite.. talked to dear on the phone till 2++ yest b4 I could slp.. at least we aren't quarreling alr..

Today's the 5th mth.. It seems so long.. bt yet so short.. I hear other telling me abt their rlsps n how it lasts bt when I look at mine.. somehow it seems like we're short of topics.. and it's worrying cos it seems like our rlsp is only made up of tt few words..

We've gotta work at it..

Dear Father Lord.. thank you for the times tt U've given us.. help us to cherish each other.. Father help us to be able to prioritise.. to know what comes first.. lead us away from temptations and deliver us frm evil.. Forgive us our many sins.. In Jesus' name. Amen

I.. am pissed..

Dar's in the hospital.. cos her wound opened up and she fainted.. prob is tt I dunno where's she..

Dar.. I'm sorry.. I dunno lotsa stuff abt what has happened.. I haven't been paying attention.. I'm so sorry..

Bt tt doesn't mean tt I dun care abt u anymore.. I still do.. I still love u..

What if.. u're alr in a rlsp.. and u like another guy.. n tt person reciprocate the feelings.. what would u do..

I dunno.. I nv thot it was possible..

Bt when I really think of it.. it might be possible..

If there's a crack in ur present rlsp.. if u've purely been running on feeling.. many other reasons..

If I'm involved in it.. I'll let the guy go.. cos I've gotta be responsible for dear.. he's my bf aft all.. if I really like the other guy.. I'd let him go knowing tt he has to although he doesn't want to..

Dar.. dun worry.. I'll always be here for u.. really.. dun give up.. I love u..
Dear.. even if anything were to happen.. or go wrong.. I'll still be here... really.. I always will be.. *hugz*

We quarrelled again yest..

He almost wanted to kill himself.. He started smoking AGAIN.. He smoked like 5 to 6 sticks.. held a pen knife in his hand.. msged scary msges like.. Darkness is engulfing.. dun let the darkness take over u.. Shine for me.. asked me for my account no..

Death.. doesn't solve anything.. and what would I do it he really died?

His parents would hate me.. I would hate myself.. n him.. and is tt the kind of ending tt we would have wanted?

Today's sermon was on "The pilgrim's confidence of unseparable love".. Ptr Kortering preached on this.. said tt we usually base on our feelings and emotions.. n nt true love.. tt nth is true love except it be with God's love..

Then I bring it down to a micro level.. and put it into mine.. then I wonder.. if we've been running on juz feeling.. cos it'll explain y when the feeling dwindles.. then the rlsp seems as though it's collapsing..

Dear.. I really hope u'll come to church.. then u can share the same faith.. n we wun have this prob....

If love is the ocean.. and u're afraid of the water.. would u stand by the side and wait for the water to ripple over.. or would u run to the water n dive right in?

I chose the 1st choice.. what abt u?

I'm back!!! Haha..

Poly forum has been FUN! Met lotsa ppl.. did lotsa stuff.. there was a discussion tt caused 2 sides of the grp to quarrel.. it's like we almost fought.. cos ppl were too head strong..

I can't rmb what else is there to write.. juz tt it really was an eventful time..

I ended up quarreling with him cos I reached home late.. nvm... quarrels juz seem so common nowadays..

Yest I went down to find him aft work.. met up with nat.. had dinner over at the restaurant..

We were both dead beat.. I actually took a cab back frm amk cos I didn't wanna wait..

Am in the office now.. still tired.. my eyes are actually still closing.. How to keep myself awake?!?

Sweets aren't working.. I've gotta go out to get lunch for lily later.. when I dun feel like eating cos I wanna slp... I'm SOOOO tired!

Okok.. relax.. RELAX.. today's FRI! Bt tmr gotta get up early in the morning to meet my grp ppl.. then sell stuff.. then go out.. then it's sunday alr..

Sun morning church.. aftnn work.. nite home..

Monday sch.. meet him.. HIS day..

Tue to Thurs.. in Msia.. dun miss me too much k? :P I'll be back on Thurs nite..

Fri.. sch..

Sat training.. Sun church.. FREE!!!!

Mon.. back to work.. wk 5 of attachment.. 17/10... OUR day..

I've gt so much to do.. so little time..

Dear Father,

Pls help me..
Grant me strength to go thru the day..
Keep me from temptations and the evils of this world..
Cleanse my thoughts..
Keep me pure..
Help me nt to be rebellious..
Help me to rely on U n U only..
Father.. help me to trust in U..
to put myself, dear n our rlsp in Ur hands..
Help us nt to be too stubborn to block out what U're trying to tell us..
Help us listen to u..
To pray fervently..
To control ourselves..
To help each other..

Father..
forgive us of all our sins,
for we do us
N I ask n pray all these
in Jesus name.

AMEN.

Results are out alr.. This morning when I was on the bus on the way to the mrt station, I received the msg.. I did ok I guess.. it was bad as expected bt better than what I thot I'd get..


ACCOUNTING APPLICATIONS & ANALYSIS B
BUSINESS ETIQUETTE & IMAGE AD
ELECTRONIC COMMERCE C+
INTERNATIONAL ECONOMICS & FINANCE C+
INTRODUCTION TO SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY B+
OPERATIONS MANAGEMENT B
PRINCIPLES OF MARKETING B

My GPA dropped tremendously.. I've gotta buck up nxt sem.. else... sigh.. u all should know..

Dear didn't do as well as he hoped he'd do.. so he was quite upset..

He's gt 2B+, 4Bs, 2C+..

Dar didn't do tt bad too.. she oso passed all her modules..

Thank God for giving us these results.. it might nt be up to our expectations bt at least we passed.. Thank U!!! :)

Had lunch with Shack n his new secretary.. Shack gave us a treat at Sarracino, an italian restaurant over at Ocean Towers.. had seafood spaghetti, beef lasagne, mushroom pizza, sausage, potato.. it was VERY nice.. v filling.. v ex too.. pasta cost up to $9.50 per plate.. so.. yah.. this meal would prob have caused abt $30.. or more..

Aft lunch, I helped Lily wrap the present tt she wanted to give Sylvia.. Sylvia's a lawyer.. new mother of 3.. YES! Triplets!!!! Wow.. I've nt know anyone with triplets.. now I know! Haha.. cool..

Gotta go back to work.. see when I'm free... :P

Dear.. dun be too upset over ur PPV.. it's ok.. really.. we'll study harder nxt sem.. n pray tt God will help us understand what we're studying ok?

Love u..

Woohoo!!! I've gt a lunch appt tmr!

Ok.. now I know y I had to help Shack.. cos he didn't have a secretary.. his is coming in tmr.. n he invited me for lunch with them.. cool! In this way.. I can save up on lunch money.. muahahaha.. :P

I'm slacking now.. finally.. aft a whole day's work.. I can relax.. a little.. *phew*

This morning did binding for Emma cos Zila took 1/2 day leave.. cos of tt I couldn't go to court.. bt.. my dressing wasn't appropriate anyway.. muz be white n black.. with coat..

Pearl helped me do up the reimbursement form.. actually.. sm ppl here are v nice.. like.. Lily.. Lymond.. Chee Kian.. Gillian.. Pearl.. Agnes.. Masayu.. Zila.. Emma.. Joye.. Annie.. Jun Hong.. Yao Fu.. the accts gals.. n so many more..

BT..

In this realistic world.. many ppl do nt wanna be so nice.. cos they might be taken advantage of.. n tt's what everybody's afraid of.. or trying to avoid..

It's VERY hard to work with lawyers cos of their stringent wants.. the way they want things done THEIR WAY only.. so.. it really needs A LOT of skill to handle HR.. the rate ppl are coming in n going out kinda shows tt welfare isn't really taken care of...

Maybe I can post suggestions...
Juz maybe...

Hey! I juz came back frm my "excursion" to ACRA..

Went there to look at microfilms which are actually like negative films.. juz tt they have abt 70 pieces of doc on a single film.. n I had to go thru 4 to look for info.. it's so giddy to look at it.. cos it's negative.. I'm having a terrible headache now.. VERY pain.. my head feels as though it's going to split apart..

In another few min.. I'll be free! Then I can go out! With DEAR!!! Provided I dun hafta attend tt mtg.. sigh..

Whatever it is.. I'm counting the mins tt I can see u again..

Oh.. mushroom pot staff having a buffet dinner at I dunno where.. bt I wanna acc dear.. if I acc him.. then I cannot go find them.. if I go with them.. then dear will feel left out.. HOW?!?

Who's going? Dar, Long Quan, Wendy, Dennis, Avan n Chua..

I've been bz the WHOLE morning.. frm the time I stepped into the office till now.. I didn't even have the time to "login"..

I'm getting a little tired n restless now.. I've gotta go down to the Accounting & Corporate Regulatory Authority (ACRA) to look at microfilm.. I've no idea what is microfilm.. nt v sure what I've gotta look for.. and where's the plc? International Plaza.. which is at Anson Rd.. which is at Tanjong Pagar.. which is.. one mrt station towards Boon Lay frm here..

Dear's off at 7pm today.. maybe we can go catch a movie.. IF I am off by then.. yes.. LOGICALLY.. I'm supposed to be off at 6pm.. bt.. I can only reach ACRA by 15.24 cos they have this "rule" tt ppl can only go retrieve the stuff 24 hrs aft application.. so I can only reach there by 3.30.. n I've gotta search thru files n all.. I hope I can finish within 2 hrs.. cos I still hafta print.. n bring back.. hope I'll be earlier than dear.. dun want him to wait for me.. he worked the whole day.. then still hafta wait for me..

Shack invited me to go for hearing!!! SO COOL!!! Apparently all attachees who are taking the Law dip in TP HAS to attend at least a hearing.. ok.. so I really gotta buy white top.. n now I've gotta find a black jacket.. hmmm.. dunno if I have one.. think it might be somewhere.. somewhere.. I dunno where..

Dear.. if I decide to do anything.. pls dun be overly upset or whatever..

I'm nt giving up on u.. or us.. I really do love u..

Bt at times like this.. we should really concentrate on our studies.. I know tt I should check up on myself as well.. my religion.. my closeness with God..

At times I juz feel so helpless.. cos everything seems to be crashing down on me.. I'm nt who I was or who I used to be anymore..

I'm nt going to force u to choose over religion or me.. cos tt's unfair to u.. juz like it is for me.. so IF I have to make a choice.. I wun know what to do..

I wun give u up.. this isn't a test of our love for each other.. it's an exam.. if we pass.. we'll pass..

I know what daddy wanted to ask u.. he will ask u questions in biblical context.. tt's y he said tt u wun be able to ans..

I dun want u to feel stressed cos of our rlsp.. cos if it's stressful.. and straining.. I would rather nt go thru it.. no pt going thru a strenuous rlsp..

Sm ppl say tt I look stressed cos of this.. I beg to differ.. I'm nt stressed cos of US.. bt cos of my parents.. with u.. I dun feel stressed.. I feel relaxed.. really.. and I know u feel tt way too..

I'll hope for the day tt I can hold ur hands and go to church together.. when my parents will accept u for who u r & nt who they want u to be.. tt one day I might be able to walk down the aisle with u..

My dad says we're nt ready.. my mum says tt if we're nt going to end up in marriage, better nt start.. God says "Be ye not unequally yoked.."

I say.. we're serious abt this.. God.. help us.. teach us where to go.. what to do.. whether or nt we'll work out.. help us accept..

Bt till whatever happens.. I'll be loving u.. Love me..

The whole day of looking for hotels.. calling.. talking..

I've found 10.. shortlisted 6..

Now gotta wait for some to send me the proposal.. then I can tabulate.. then it's done!

Today i did photocopying of BOOKS.. law books.. cases tt are found inside.. then Shack (lawyer) is intending on getting me to go down to ACRA to look for info.. cool.. bt those are secretarial jobs.. n I'm NT a secretary.. n I'm alr underpaid.. n overworked.. n sad to say.. there's nth I can do abt it..

Well.. nvm.. it's a learning opportunity anyway.. so it's cool.. :)
bt if I had to do the work.. when it's nt in my scope.. then it'll get quite bad..

No wonder ppl r leaving...

For the whole morning, I've been searching for hotels cos the company has decided to cancel the firm trip to Bali.. the budget they gave me is really LOW.. it's kinda hard to get a 5* hotel at tt kinda rate.. N IF I manage to get a gd one.. I wanna go.. *hint hint* haha.. crazy.. it's so nt for me.. cant imagine what it'll be.. me n a bunch of ppl.. sm are even twice my age! :P

Nat's gt a job! Congrats! The Cocoa Trees one.. she went for the interview today and she gt the job.. she has to go for training 1st.. n her pay's $5/hr.. I think they'll take CPF frm there.. unlike mine.. no CPF to take.. Haha..

Going for lunch soon..

Dear.. dun cry alr k? I know tt the feeling of missing someone really is hard to bear.. bt whatever it is.. wherever I am.. juz close ur eyes.. I'm there with u.. always..

Love u..

Found a few pics.. VERY nice.. I'll post it up..

Back frm lunch.. had it with nat n charles.. NICE! :)

Charles slimmed down A LOT.. sigh.. then he's going for sm minor surgery..

I'm so tired.. I know dear muz be tired too..

Nat's going to cut her hair now.. I juz helped her to pay her hp bills too.. so I'm VERY BROKE.. sigh.. anyone wanna contribute to me? Oh.. come to think of it.. she doesn't have enough to cut her hair too.. haha.. think our dear fren charles has to pay for her.. nt tt it really matters.. it's only $28.. to him tt is.. :P

Went to dear's work plc to eat yest.. brought nat to look for jobs oso..

The food is quite gd.. and we've gt special treatment cos he's staff.. haha.. :P

I gt to carry a baby.. as in another customer's child.. she's SOOOO CUTE! If I can.. I'll try to post the pic up.. tt'll be aft I get the cable.. and the software.. which is I dunno when..

I bought quite a few stuff yest.. I wun reveal a single thing until appropriate timing.. :P I'm alr thinking of what to do n how to do it..

Oh.. Wei Er's wedding is 7 Dec.. meaning.. whatever I wanna get for them muz be done soon..

Dear n I are so tired.. cos we slept at abt 1 plus.. yah.. n we have to work today.. like I literally had to DRAG myself out of bed to come to work cos I'm v tired.. sigh..

Dear God..
grant us grace n strength to go thru this day..
help us to trust in U only..
forgive us of our sins..
In Jesus' Name
Amen.

Ok... I know what my parents are driving at.. both of them are telling me tt dear's nt gd or smtg in tt line..

How much do they know? They dun know a single thing abt him except prob his name.. They'll nv see him the way I do.. they will nv get to know IF they dun give him a chance.. and they'll nv be able to see anything coming out of this rlsp if they dun give US a chance..

I've been bombarded A LOT esp in the past wk.. I'm getting so sick n tired of listening to this.. My dad can't juz go snooping thru my hp n blog.. it's juz so nt right..

I know this might be considered rebellious bt I'm nt going to give up..

Like what Dar n Sayang have been saying.. they've NV seen me so deeply in love b4.. and it's true..

Dear.. it's nt tt I dun trust u.. I know tt we've been thru lots during this past 4 over mths.. we've been thru things tt many couples do nt face in their lifetimes.. and young as we are, we've alr made this decision.. I know tt it gets tiring to keep encouranging a person.. bt keep on at it k?

Dar said tt God wun put someone so impt into ur life, make him mean so much.. and then take him away.. Only God knows.. We wun.. bt till whatever happens.. we'll hold on..

Oh.. n.. I wun force u to come to church with me.. cos there's no pt in forcing if u dun wanna come.. and the thing is.. ur parents dun allow.. and u're working.. so tt juz makes it harder.. bt u should know what I hope for..

I hope to see the 4 of us in church together.. Dear, dar, sayang n me.. and tt we'll continue tt way.. until maybe dar gets married to ak or sayang finds someone.. bt I hope tt it'll happen..

Love u.. all of u..

Back frm lunch.. spent a BOMB on.. ahem..

Had lunch at Golden shoe as usual.. met Ker Hsien.. ate duck rice..

Was so tempted to get a bowl of dessert.. bt thot twice cos I'm really putting on weight.. I'm like SOOOO heavy now.. and it's nt helping tt my tummy's getting bigger.. n my butt probably is too.. sigh.. the results of eating n sitting down.. sigh..

Have anyone of u thot... what would u do if u gt pregnant now.. or for guys.. if ur gf gt pregnant now..

I was reading an article yest sm guys leave the gals.. some stayed together.. some decided to abort.. others decided to raise the child themselves while some gave the child up for adoption..

Sm ppl do it cos of a moment's pleasure.. sm is out of curiousity.. whatever it is.. there was little or no precaution taken.. hence the prob..

If it were me.. I guess.. I wun want dear to take responsibility even if he wants to.. for the simple reason cos I dun wanna burden him for life.. I mean it's like a lifetime commitment.. we're all too young.. no one really knows how to handle this kinda prob.. tt's y we shouldn't do it in the 1st plc.. in this case.. we can prevent having this kinda prob and the risk of getting STDs..

In the office.. sitting beside Lily.. listening to her talk abt her daughter who's in the sch of commando.. so cool! She's doing air.. can do sky-diving.. pack parachutes.. dangerous.. like.. how many ppl's lives are in ur hands?!?

I've nt personally known any female commandos.. I guess she's the 1st.. although it's nt personal bt.. at least it's smtg.. :p

I'm tired.. dear's tired.. wonder how dar's doing..

Tmr's poly forum event starts at 8am.. like HOW IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO GET UP AND REACH THERE ON TIME?!?

Then... it ends at 4 and I've gotta rush down to ecp cos bbq starts at 5.. nvm.. I'll reach by 6.. *hopes*

I dun even know how to go to ecp frm sch.. sigh.. take the mrt to bedok.. then take bus.. or smtg like tt...

Back!

I went to take a stroll down to Warung Nasir.. it's nt tt bad a plc.. small.. bt ok.. and guess what the surprise was?

I know tt Kelvin.. Kelvin Chan.. ex-manager of Renn Thai.. we worked together b4.. tt time we didn't have dinner so we went upstairs to Breeks to eat.. he gave me a treat.. then we went drinking once with Agus.. yup..

He couldn't recognise me.. and I dun expect him to.. bt I rmb him.. :)

Another... 1 over hr & I'll be done for the day.. gotta rush down to nyp to help nat with her grading.. *hope she passes*

Dear's working.. Dar's at home.. I'm working.. or supposed to be rather..

They're selling Sara Lee's ice cream downstairs.. looks tempting bt I'm supposed to be on diet.. like real.. I juz dun wanna grow fat.. cos I alr am gaining weight..

Today's Min-Li's (lawyer) b'day.. she's alr gt 3 bouquets of flowers.. one came in a rectangular vase.. with pink "gel" as the bottom.. stones.. and pink roses stuck into it.. V nice.. the other 2 are BIG bouquets.. v sweet.. :)

Gd morning..

Today dear woke up grudgingly.. His mum went to the mkt to buy stuff and it's alr 9.05 so he was angry with her..

Dear.. dun be like tt k? I'm sure ur mum didn't mean for u to be late to sch last time and I'm sure she wun want u to be late for work too.. dun blame her k...?

Ever heard of the phrase "Look and how a man treats his mum and that's how he'll treat his wife"? If u haven't.. I'm telling u tt this phrase exists..

Take care kk?

Dar.. I know u're down with fever.. how's it been for u? Drink more water.. take gd care.. get well soon..

Nth to do.. AGAIN.. I've finished everything I could.. it's either I'm TT efficient.. or there really is nth left for me to do..

VERY GD.. now I can officially SLACK.. can nap! Haha.. maybe.. :P doze a little n try... heheh..

Too bad can't use the phone.. even if I could.. there aren't many ppl I can call.. n can't talk for a long time oso.. so... too bad..

Of all the times to get a headache.. I have it now.. VERY gd.. I oso dunno how.. no med..

Dear's bz today.. he had lots to do.. only had his break at ard 4.. my hp's flat.. so cannot use..

Talked to Kelvin, a manager from Warung Nasir Wurung by the bay quite a bit these 2 days.. had to settle food voucher stuff with him.. kinda felt like a telemarketer.. -_-"

Aft reading the newspapers.. I found out a lot..

The end of times is nearing.. there are alr wars n rumors of wars.. antichrist.. natural disasters.. epidemic.. perverse human race..

Wars n rumors of wars.. need I even say? The Iraq war stirred up lots of strive.. the Al Qaeda and other grps are terrorising the world.. bombing ppl and themselves along with them.. and they think it's holy to do so...

Antichrist.. if u do nt alr know.. someone claiming to be Jesus Christ is coming to Sg.. tt's a blasphemy of Jesus' name..

Natural disasters.. even if u do nt read the newspaper.. I'm sure u've heard smtg abt it.. Hurricane Katrina and Rita? Okok.. how abt smtg closer to us.. the Tsunami? There's also a typhoon - Typhoon Damrey tt hit Vietnam juz yest.. and does it even seem "coincidental" tt they're occurring close to each other?

Epidemic.. ok.. maybe u wun call this an epidemic.. bt the no of dengue cases are on the constant increase, despite measures being taken to prevent the mosquitoes from breeding.. the death toll and the no of ppl infected by the mosquitoes have increased drastically.. and it's still nt considered an epidemic?
What's more.. there's oso the avian virus.. a.k.a bird flu tt's only in the region.. the virus has mutated itself and can even infect dogs now..
Is THIS considered an epidemic now?

The perverse human race.. I cannot say anything more.. it's alr shown in the world.. Hurricane Katrina hit one city tt was due to host a big event.. a big HOMOSEXUAL event in which homosexuals can parade the streets naked and copulate in the open.. and the best thing? The officials aren't doing anything abt it.. cos it's a "tourist attraction" tt brings "life" to the dead city..
More and more teenagers are experimenting with drugs and sex..
Abortion rates are on the rise..
Nudity has become an art..
Abstinence isn't taught.. it's implied..
What's taught is.. "Practice safe sex"
Need I say more???

The world is coming to an end.. soon.. it can be more soon that u expect..

We should start preparing ourselves to welcome our Saviour's return..

I'm bored.. LITERALLY.. I've gt NTH to do.. both Annie n Joye are out.. n I've finished what they've gotten me to do.. so I've gt nth to do..

Pls make time pass faster.. I wanna go for lunch..

Yest I made dear angry with me.. I'm sorry.. I know tt I should have went home to rest.. I'm in the wrong..

Watched The Myth.. it's a nice show.. really.. the song is v nice too.. hope tt someone can help me find the song.. title's "EndlessLove" by Jackie Chan and I dunno who.. I want the chinese/korean version..

Went down to look for dear aft tt.. then he sent me home..

Reached home and gt a dressing down frm my dad.. sigh..

Cried quite a bit yest.. so my eyes are a little puffy n swollen today..

Will be going to pay a visit to Shi Shi later.. she's down with dengue and is recuperating at SGH.. A bunch of us will be going to visit her later.. We'll be mtg at 7, Outram MRT.. Doesn't really make a diff where we're mtg.. Cos Raffles is situated in the middle.. so it's v convenient.. it'll be more troublesome for Lloyd if he's going cos it's frm Tampines to Outram..

Kk.. gotta go back to work..

Juz came back frm queensway shopping centre.. bought tea egg n muah chee to eat.. mmm.. nice..

No.. I didn't go there for recreation bt to collect stuff..

Gotta go back to work..

In the office.. in the office.. haha..

Did A LOT of filing today.. going to do some more.. later going out to queenstown with joye.. yup..

Dear's 1st day at work! I've the kinda "mother-like" feeling when her kids go to sch for the 1st day.. whether he'll get bullied.. whether he'll get used to the job.. the food.. how's the ppl there.. how's the management..

I know.. he's no 7 year old kid.. he's alr 17 going on 18.. so I guess I shouldn't worry so much.. haha..

Sigh.. I'm going to change plc!

No more privacy.. No more a corner seat of my own.. I'll be in the Admin n Accts room.. tt cramp plc.. sigh.. nt tt I've gt any right to complain anyway..

Dear's gt a job!

I dunno whether to be happy.. or sad.. happy cos he'll at least have smtg to do and nt juz rot at home.. and he'll have some $$ at the end of it.. sad cos he's working in a restaurant.. so tt means lunch and dinner hrs.. which.. as usual.. is 11-3, 6-10.. So his only break is 3-6.. which is when I'm still working..

I'll get to see lesser of him.. I dunno when is his off day.. I dun want him to work on sundays.. bt if they need him to.. I dun think I can do anything abt it either..

I'll be able to talk to him lesser.. like he'll be tired aft work.. then the only possible time tt we can talk would probably be during his train ride.. which wun be a long time cos of the tunnels.. when he reach home he'll prob take a bath and head to bed..

Nvm.. what to do..

I'll still love him all the same..

Dear.. another song..

Love will find a way - Lion King 2 OST

In a perfect world
One we've never known
We will never need
To face the world alone

They can have the world
We'll create our own
I may not be brave or strong or smart
But somewhere in my secret heart

I know
Love will find a way
Anywhere I go
I'm home
If you are there beside me

Like dark
Turning into day
Somehow we'll come thru
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way

I was so afraid
Now I realise
Love is never wrong
And so it never dies

There's a perfect world
Shining in your eyes

And if only they could feel it too
The happiness I feel with you

They'll know
Love will find a way
Anywhere we go
We're home
If we are there together

Like dark
Turning into day
Somehow we'll come thru
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way

I know
Love will find a way