I'm in the office (duh~)..
ok..
I'm nt thinking straight..
let's try this again..

Yest was.....
quite emotional for me..

I would say tt I'm impressed by baby's maturity..
He could tell me things like..
we always make mistakes..
n we can make the simplest mistakes over n over again..
bt God will forgive us if we go to Him and ask Him for forgiveness..

Impressive huh..

I'm intoxicated by him..
totally attracted to the charm he possesses.. (although he doesn't see what kinda charm he has)
His perseverance..
His strength..
His passion..

I wanna remain enveloped in his love..
guided by his words..
tt come from God's guidance..

Yet..
time and again..
I'm thrown back once more into the pits from whence I came..

The feeling's so familiar..
the memories so vivid..
everything juz feels so real..

Words replay like a broken recorder..
Scenes run as if I'm watching a movie..

No..
somethings..
u juz cant forget..

Things taken out..
Marks remain..

Wounds heal..
Scars remain..

Other things tt will maintain..
Memories..
Feelings..
Pain..
Regret..

I'm no saint..
I've made tons of mistakes..
many of which I can't make up for..
causing the one I loved to hate me..

Maybe it's true..
the deeper the love..
the stronger the hate..

Bt then..
I cant hate him..
nor bring myself to..
It's juz nt me..

I'm moving on..
slowly..
a step at a time..
I can't deny tt I still think of him now and then..
I know the pain tt I'm putting baby through..
and I really dun wanna put him through tt..

The way he hugs me to try to take away the pain..
the way he attempts..
the things he do..
the words he say..
All v commendable..

The way he'd look into my eyes and somehow tell tt I'm thinking of smtg..
or tt smtg's wrong..

I know u wanna take the pain away..
share my sorrows..

It's nt ez taking up this role baby..
Sorry for making it so hard for u..

Although u'll nv get to read this..
I'm still going to write..
I still rmb whatever u've did..
whatever we've been thru..
the 5 seals..
n it hurts so bad to know tt we've once been so loving..
bt we're now at enmity at each other cos of my stupidity..
n ur character..
I'm real sorry for what I did..
really am..
bt u wun believe me..
u wun care..
n u wun know..

~ At the end of it all.. it's the feelings tt still remain.. it's pain tt lets u know u're still alive.. ~