Hey! It’s been a long time since I’ve came online to write in my blog… cos of the bills… stupid bills… the phone line came up to $160/- … do u believe it? It actually costs so much for some dumb Internet bills! Then again, it’s not very easy to do without the Internet esp. in the present society.

I’ve found out tt my blog’s addie has been leaked out… wonderful… now more ppl know… and the worst thing is… I’m not the one who gave it to the person… tt person gain access to my blog through someone… I know who tt dumb ass is… k… I know tt it’s a crude word but I don’t care! Privacy ppl!!! Tt idiot… sigh…

I’ve juz taken my A maths paper 1 mock today… guess what? I don’t think u’ll need to… it’s SO hard!!! A deduction of 39 marks already… y? Cos I didn’t do the qns… tt’s y… it’s a confirm fail… Though I studied hard into the night… I think the studying had a part to play in my results… @ least I know how to do a couple of qns.

We were given a topic to talk on for CME today. My group chose the topic ‘Stress’. An extremely adequate topic for life in XMS. Stress… Kiasuism… teachers are ‘competing’ against each other to see who can load us with the most amt of work; students are studying like mad idiots… I know tt the word is redundant but it does serve to enforce the fact tt it’s pressurising! Stress… I mean it’s like I’m studying a total of 8 subj. One’s a combined, the rest are seemingly ‘pure’ subj. I study things like differentiation, integration, sets, indices, surds and logarithm… relative velocity… I don’t see any practical usage for them… then y bother study?!? But… tt’s Spore’s education system… very pragmatic… having the paper qualifications means tt u’re one head above the others… Ur future would be paved out… sux… true… but we’re all living in this kinda stressful, realistic, competitive environment… tt’s y we’ve need for an Institute of Mental Health. Sooner or later, we’ll need 2… it’s juz a matter of time…

Smtg’s wrong with me… smtg’s VERY wrong… I dunno… I’m feeling very confused… Diana said tt I ‘ding xin’ not enough… basically means tt I’m not determined enough… I know tt it’s my problem but I don’t think tt it’s a fault on my part… if only I hadn’t been hurt so badly before… if only… had it not been for tt time, I wouldn’t be this way now… I won’t be in a dilemma… I’ve premonitions tt smtg’s gonna happen soon… n it might be sooner than I had expected… I won’t say what it is… cos I don’t wanna cause unnecessary worries or problems to arise…

I… sigh… I don’t wanna hurt ppl… I don’t wanna say tt someone’s being an obstruction or someone else is a bother or a nuisance… don’t worry… tt’s not how I feel… @ least not yet… I’ll update u when I’m starting to feel this way… come to think of it… how many ppl have access to my blog? Dear, Nat, Kiat, Hawa, Marcus, Diana, um… Kareen n the one who found out… tt’s 8 ppl… k… I think I’ll tryta keep it low… not very gd to let many know abt my stuff… esp. the deepest stuff… I’m feeling pain… numb… I think I’m losing feeling… I can’t even be sure of my own feelings now… I keep thinking a lot nowadays… Random thots… many things juz flash through my mind… either one event @ a time, or numerous… I can be eating halfway, having lessons and even in the midst of my paper! Can’t seem to be able to control my trail of thots… I found out tt I’ve been thinking VERY fast in recent days… I was doing the topic today and my thots juz flowed on… if I didn’t pen my thots down, they’ll soon be lost… I dunno if tt’s considered gd or bad… guess it has its pros and cons…

I guess I’ll stop here… b4 my thots flow on… cya again soon…