Today I had my chinese test... guess what? I studied the wrong pages... die... all the words look french to me... can't do many things... I also got back my chinese test paper... 66.5... wow... tt's a drastic drop! I took tt test on the day when Diana went back... when I found out abt her condition... my friend asked me why am I so affected by her absence... how would I know?!? I'm either an IS or SI... those are character traits... a person with a strong S (like me) has a great fear... my greatest fear is a sense of insecurity... loneliness... I dunno what to do... I don't seem to be abt to do anything abt it... it's part of my character.

I wanna cry... but I can't... at least at the point I'm writing this I can't... y? Probably cos I'm in sch... in class... I can't and I won't show my weak side... but it's hurting a lot... I can't stop the pain... no painkillers can 'kill' this pain... nothing's gonna work... only her presence... his presence might curb the part on insecurity but I guess it's different altogether... they're both playing different parts in my life. They're both impt ppl but it's different... I'm not able to see him in sch everyday... not able to even see him... Diana on the other hand is in the same sch as I am... not being able to see her is upsetting... devasting... tt's why I keep going down to 4E5... I need to see her... to know tt she's there... to let her know tt I'm here... it's no prob for her to find me...but I can't find her else where but in sch.

I'll be meeting him later but by the time I type this and when u read this, it would have already been past... I dunno what I'll do... probably juz look for a place... sit down, hug him and cry my heart out... I need her... I need him... I need the both of them! Selfish... yes, I agree... but what can you do abt it? Diana's MY dear, he's MY stead... it's therefore logical tt I feel this way, tt I want and need them the way I do... I still wanna cry... I'm getting more fragile by the moment... and I really can't afford to be... I can't...

I've met him... and I certainly am glad tt I didn't cry... I mustn't be so fragile... nope... I can't afford to go back to the old person tt I am... I detest my former self... too weak... too helpless... I can't be like tt... I can't...