Hi! I've been banned fron using the internet for 1 mth... imagine! 1 whole mth! Why? Cos the bill chalked up to a large sum of money... $162 for internet bills... cool rite?

I'm starting to feel stressed... over many things... school,home, and yes, the rlsp... I'm frustrated... dunno why... I feel tt way... I just feel so strangled... everyone wants a part of my time... teachers, family... I'm already struggling... Later today's my Emaths's Paper 1... I'm not prepared enough... time... I've already limited time... I'd divided them nicely... Diana's, Nat's, family's, sch's, his... I can't do more! He asked me to spend more time with Diana... y? cos she's my dear? No... cos he doesn't want her 'eating' into his time... I dunno what's it supposed to mean... Is he too possessive? He told me tt he's not...

We seem to be silent... ppl call to talk... our 'conversation' is the breathing of the other... when asked what's he's thinking of, he would say, 'nothing' or 'I don't wanna say' or something of the like. I asked if he was feeling stressed... abt sch, hw and the rlsp... guess what he said? "I don't wanna ans this qns." What a nice reply... At tt pt we talked abt mtg this sat, he said tt he hoped I would be free cos I always have things cropping up at the last minute... tt he would be disappointed if I could not make it. I know I'm usually busy and tt it's difficult to fit into my schedule... I know tt he's trying very hard and I appreciate the effort... I really do... but... things juz happen! I can't do anything abt it can I?

I'm trying very hard not to feel this way... I feel like he's trying to possess me... let me be his and his only... I dunno what to do... if I conpel, I'll feel caged... if I don't, I'll feel bad... I really dunno what to do... I feel helpless... I feel tt I've lost my sense of direction... I don't wanna get hurt again... am I holding back? If so, from what? I'm not easy to comprehend eithere... even I dunno what I'm thinking of... I'm so tired... I really am... I dunno where to find strength to carry on... It's already 3.05am... I better stop writing...