Hi! Yes I'm early.. dun start..

I was watching "Flame Of Recca" b4 this.. it's an anime..

N b4 tt, I was at the minimart with him.. heard sm stuff tt I didn't really wanna hear.. he said tt he was playing the field.. tt he would nt be serious n all those.. I know tt he's been hurt v badly.. I can see tt.. can feel the pain too.. bt when he said those words.. I didn't know who hurt more.. him, or me.. sigh.. guess I'm still weak.. v weak.. I told dar tt besides her.. he was the only one who could make me cry.. prob it's true.. I could feel tears glistening.. at least they managed to pass the eye..

Ooo.. Ken sent me hm.. on his bike.. COOL! :P I dunno how old he is.. 20+ I guess.. he's one of the fellow workers with him at the minimart.. He smokes A LOT! For gdness!!! I was there for abt.. 2 hrs.. he seemed to smoke a stick every 10 - 15 mins! When asked.. he said "I only smoke 2 pkts a day" Like.. it's alr a lot... his gf gt influenced by him to smoke as well.. sigh..

Even b4 tt, I was at orchard with AK, ZW n dar.. AK wanted to get a prezzie for his fren.. Ron Tan I think.. so we went frm Pacific plaza, to far east for dinner then gt the prezzie at paragon..

Ok.. nth much b4 tt.. juz the "wonderful" CIP test in which I guessed all the ans.. for gdness.. it was an essay paper.. nth much I could choose frm.. I think I'm going to fail.. :S

N the main topic of the day?!? The BREAKUP.. yes.. the breakup..

Nat called me.. she told me how she felt abt him.. n all.. asked me for advice.. n so they broke up.. rather.. she broke up with him..

He called me.. n asked me if I knew.. told me how he felt.. I could feel how he feels.. bt I still think he should be more.. in touch with other ppl's feelings..

Sayang.. dun jump into another rlsp again k.. it's v stressful for me.. if u're ready.. go into one.. n jump into one.. when the hole is SOOO obvious.. n SOOO big..

Yes yes.. I didn't blog yest.. n I shall nt bother to explain y I wasn't online as well..

Yest was quite a bad day.. 1st dar n I went to mac.. then we saw this bunch of ACS(B) guys who seemed as though they've nv seen gals their whole life.. cos they were taking out a camera phone n taking pics.. (-_-"
Then, we went to Mambo for pool.. when we were abt to leave.. a bunch of guys came in.. they were blocking the way.. so we juz stood there.. they did give way.. I was standing outside the toilet waiting for dar to come out.. then the guys kept commenting on I dunno what.. aft tt when they were supposed to choose a table.. they pointed str in the direction tt I was in.. when we left.. they were like.. "Bao bei.. qu na li?" (Where r u going)
Went to sch aft tt.. went to the library.. 5th floor.. when we walked ard, so many ppl were staring.. whatever.. then when we were leaving, there was this rm of guys who saw us then they were like, "Hey sexy.. walk in, walk in"

What in the world's wrong with the guys yest?!?

Aft tt was test.. MIEC.. it was ok.. considering the fact tt I went for Ms V's review lesson which had a test paper tt was SIMILAR to the one tt we took.. :D

Went to play pool once more aft tt..

I'm still at home.. I've nt finish studying my CIP (I'm gonna die).. my test is in.. 3 hrs time.. haha.. I've gtg..

Searching..
for smtg I've lost.

Longing..
for smtg I dunno of.

Hoping..
to find what I need.

Thinking..
of what I should..
n should nt.

Hurting..
myself..
n others as well.

What am I doing..?

ps. I'm sorry if I've hurt u in any way.. I'm so sorry.. (u should know who u are)

Back.. been back for a while now.. was listening to PM Lee's extremely long speech.. ok.. the extract of it.. the speech is.. long-winded.. bt.. funny.. :)

Had test today.. BSTATS test.. supposed to be an ez test.. 25 mcqs.. 1 hr.. bt I took an extremely LOONNNGGGG time to complete it.. I was only near the last 5 qns when I had only 5 mins left!!!

Aft tt, went hm.. took my stuff.. went to pass soup to kor.. oh yah.. passed the soup to dar aft the test.. anyway.. passed soup to kor.. then saw Wen Zhu when I was boarding the bus headed to HM.. so I msged nat to call me..

Apparently.. she had a fun-filled day.. he's seen Gu ma.. she's been to his plc.. they've.. I shall nt say.. they've been ice-skating.. Ok.. I know tt I've said this SO many times.. bt I really think they're moving V fast.. I know I'm in no rite to comment.. I know..

Aft tt, met dar at hans.. had dinner.. did a bit of studying.. the rain was pouring.. this gal came up to us to ask us for our nos.. ok.. there was a bunch of butches sitting outside mac.. then dar n I went in to mac to use the toilet.. one of them was in the toilet.. aft using the toilet.. we stepped outside n were discussing how to get to the interchange as dry as possible.. we were like standing in front of them.. I could hear them commenting.. bt I didn't bother.. so we crossed over to the coffee shop.. then one of the gal came over n asked for our nos.. man.. I'm starting to think if I look like a les to them..

Nat looks happy.. ok.. she sounds happy.. gd for u sayang.. gd..

Dar.. if.. as n when whatever u know happens.. I'll be here.. dun worry..

Do u know tt I really envy u.. u can give up on him n yet when u need help.. like to sponser sm drinks for sm proj of urs.. sm restaurant thingy.. n u look for him, he's so willing to use his dad's company to help u.. n u didn't know how to cherish him?!? What's the pt of saying tt u're sad? what's the use of saying tt u dun dare look at the sky cos it reminds u of him???

Y can't sm ppl cherish what they have? Y r sm ppl so selfish?? Y r those who can cherish the ppl who suffer the most???

Your soul is bound to the White Rose: The
Pure.
"I've been waiting in the dark for a long
time, shining my beacon of hope through the
shadow. If you see me, don't you hide your
eyes from me."
The White Rose is associated with purity, honor,
and chastity. It is governed by the goddess
Artemis and its sign is The Cross, or Agape.
As a White Rose, you are a person of your word.
You may have a strong moral code, but
regardless of your virtue, you always stay true
to yourself. To you, love is the most pure of
emotional forms and it's just a matter of
waiting for it to bless you. Some people may
say you are too idealistic, but it's only
because you don't want to mess things up.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

---------------------------------------------------


You have White Wings! Pure and innocent, your
kindness attracts other people toward you. You
can be shy and quite, but when others know you
better, they realize you are fun and bubbly.
You hate it when other around you are sad, and
always see the good in everyone and everything.
Chances are you either help in the shelter, or
are a tutor in school. You are very kind and
friendly, but also quite nave. Dont be fooled
by looks. Some things do go bump in the night.


What Color are your wings?(Mainly for Girls)Beautiful Pix!
brought to you by Quizilla

---------------------------------------------------

True???

I woke up quite late.. yah.. then I went down to Taka to look for Dar n andrew who juz finished their "Secret Window" nt so long b4 I arrived..

We went to Wisma cos Andrew wanted to check out sm stuff at Flash n Splash.. I saw Zhi Jian at the coffee club tt's in front of it.. he seemed quite surprised to see me there.. I was relatively shocked too.. haha.. bt a pleasant surprise n shock.. :)

Aft tt we went to meet Ms V.. did sm revision.. haha.. she said "the BK at Liat Towers".. do u know where it is? It's actually the BK tt's near BORDERS.. haha.. okok..

I'll be having BSTATS test later in the day.. n I still have 2-3 chapts tt I'm nt sure abt! Sigh.. God help me trust in U.. Help me to see tt whatever happens it for my benefit..

wow.. the last time I've touched the devotion bk was the 3rd July.. tt's.. more than a mth ago.. oh wait.. maybe I wasn't the one who moved the bookmark..

Has it been tt long?

I've really been out of touch with God..

Here I am
sitting..
staring aimlessly at the screen
eyes..
red, tired
mind..
exhausted
body..
worn out

God..
I know tt I shouldn't ask
where u r..
cos u've always been here..

I thought I could..
I failed..
horribly..
terribly..
incorrigibly..

Mind clouded..
Heart pain once again..
Y?

All cos...
I didn't trust..

I'm sorry..

I'm talking to NWK.. dunno.. he suddenly msged me.. said smtg abt him feeling lost.. wanting to get out of this dark abyss.. sounds so familiar... so so familiar...

I'll cover tt later..

Went to Bugis to meet Clement.. then waited for dar to come.. we went to return our uniform.. went PS to catch catwoman, which is a great show..

I burnt my hand today.. against the hot pan.. apple crumble pan at Swensens.. ouch.. think there might be a scar.. trademark of Swensens.. haha..

Went to the arcade aft tt.. then went back.. first stopped at Bishan.. wanted to walk-in to pastamania for an interview bt decided against it.. we'll see abt tt again..

Ok.. back to tt topic.. tt all so familiar topic..

I kinda wish tt I need nt hafta touch on the topic again..

This time.. I think I'm the.. no.. I'm sure I'm the one who caused it.. I'm so sorry.. I didn't mean it... I know how it feels.. n u juz dun wanna tell me.. I know tt u think tt even if u said it, it'll be of no use cos u alr know the ans.. my dear.. u juz hafta.. let go.. I'll always be here as a fren..

I watched Pretear (jap anime) b4 this.. I saw... Mawata.. I so feel like becoming like her.. tt's like an optimum state of being.. the closeness.. the feeling.. everything..

Suddenly I feel the way I was tt time.. 1 over yr ago.. yes.. I've stopped counting.. I dun bother to..

When I was coming back today.. I walked up the stairs.. suddenly felt v.. different.. almost lonely.. on the bus.. I suddenly wish there was someone with me.. I dunno.. prob the effects r taking toll..

Nat's attached.. u might think.. like tt's supposed to have any effect on me rite? WRONG.. he went down to fetch her today.. nice.. sweet.. they're advancing v fast.. I dunno if it's for the gd.. or nt.. juz hope she dun get hurt.. hope..

What in the world..

I shouldn't be losing my focus.. I should be focused on God.. n to fulfil my role as a student.. to study hard.. do well for Him..

I.. dunno what's happening!!!

I muz pray.. I muz.. oh God.. y didn't I trust U... :'(

I miss U.. I miss U in my life.. I miss the sense of security tt U gave me.. I wish I didn't go tt far.. I want U by my side again.. I want to return to U.. I want u in my life.. I.. I need U..

Ok... I've juz been thru Amy's webbie.. man.. she's CHIO! Sigh.. u should see.. there's this portfolio in which she's wearing this gorgeous looking wedding gown (if I'm nt wrong), n taking pics in different angles.. wow.. the wonders of pics, make-up n confidence.. tt's smtg I wun have.. or do for tt case..

Went out... watched a movie.. it's gd.. thrilling.. a little scary.. gd storyline.. great twist.. def value for money.. n now I sound like a movie critic.. or smone promoting a movie.. whatever.. u guys should catch the Secret Window..

Went to meet up with a fren..talked a little.. n tt's abt it..

Learnt abt Fighting the Good Fight of Faith in sunday lessons.. abt y the fight's gd.. how it's gd n all.. guess the main pt abt y I've been SOOOO stressed is cos I didn't trust.. I've been worrying too much.. taking things into my own hands.. which.. is nt gd.. tt.. I know..

God.. help me to trust.. help me to cast my wants n cares upon U.. help me to lean on Ur promises.. help me to walk abt U..

Yest I met up with everyone except Dennis.. ok.. so..

Met Lloyd @ Compass.. then nat came along.. aft a while Yi Zhao came n left for bball.. dar came..

Went down to AMK library to study aft tt.. at ard 6, we left..

All throughout the way.. the nat n lloyd were treating me like a cat.. I AM NT A CAT!!!

Met up with Wen Zhu.. brought Yi Zhao n Nat.. went to Coffee Bean.. had light stuff.. then nat n I had an apple strudle.. n tt's all..

Then the both of them had to go back.. so it's only Wen Zhu n me..

Went to the 2nd lvl of HP.. he seemed to have lotsa underlying meaning in the words he spoke to me.. like.. "Don't u think u should get a bf?", "Oh.. get one tt won't make u stressed.. one tt will make u happy..""My nxt gf will be smone frm XMS.. cos I seem to be hanging out alot with them recently..", "I like my gf to be smarter than me.. nt only academic..", "The prob with me is tt I didn't know how to cherish ppl.. now I know.."... n the list goes on... For me... I think tt he's trying to hint smtg to me.. juz tt I didn't give him the chance to ask..

The shock came to me this morning when I received nat's call.. she was like.. "Someone likes me.. it's smone frm our sch.. u know him.. I know him.. unexpected person.." n I guessed him.. BINGO! Then I was shocked.. she was like, "He spent a long time persuading me... yes, I like him... feelings can grow over time.." ok..

Sayang.. I'm telling u based on experience.. IF u're nt sure tt u really like him n can commit... PLS.. dun juz jump into it cos "I NEED smone there".. it doesn't work tt way.. I dun wan u to follow in my footsteps.. I dun want u to get hurt.. cos u oso hafta make sure tt he's committed to u.. n... well.. I've no rite to comment.. it's ur choice.. u're old enough to make ur own decisions.. juz dun get burnt k.. if u do.. come to me.. I'll help u.. promise.. shoulder's always here for u..

I've been home the whole day... yah.. v guai.. nv go out..

Later today, I'll be doing completing my BSTATS.. then I'll be going to study econs.. yes.. econs.. I've nt started on econs YET.. I've only finished 4 chpts of BSTATS in.. 3 days? Sigh...

Ok.. I'll be mtg Lloyd, nat, dar, Yi Zhao, maybe Dennis.. prob Wen Zhu.. yah.. wen zhu.. he dropped a msg into my frenster n asked me out for dinner later today.. I dunno.. maybe I wun be going.. he didn't even give me a time.. so.. how would I know rite?

Yes.. later.. the time now is 1:14am.. gd morning..

Ohaiyo gozaimasu!

My dad juz woke up nt so long ago n saw me sitting here.. n so I gt a scolding.. I dun get it.. he scolded me for lying to myself.. for caring too much for others.. for nt caring for myself.. n for nt having focus on my studies.. like I'm studying now.. n.. whatever.. I didn't ans him.. I know it's wrong in a way.. bt.. it's so early in the morning.. it'd be madness to quarrel with someone n wake the whole neighbourhood up..

My bro's alr outta the house.. I've gotta wake nat up in abt 1/2 hr's time.. I'm going to meet dar to study later.. hmm..

Ok.. u know what? I didn't go for kickboxing.. nope I didn't.. I was out.. I met up with him... Ill-treated him... sorry... I was stressed... I dunno what was happening.. I guess all I needed was someone there.. n he was there for me to.. um.. well.. sorry if I left holes.. it was really painful.. I saw it.. ouch.. sorry...

Today felt totally different.. he was different... I was different... we all were different.. the wonders of change.. smhow... I did nt feel the way I used to feel... is tt gd? or bad? What does it stand to show?

GD went to NP today.. to look for me.. or so he claims.. I think I believe him.. bt.. well.. he reached there only to find out tt we're having term break.. tt's.. sad.. bt.. it's nt my fault..

Can u juz tell me what's wrong? I... u feel weird this past 2 days... pls... if I've done anything wrong, juz tell me... if I haven't given u what u wanted.. juz say... dun treat me like this.. dun block me out.. don't think tt I can't feel it.. my feelings are still v acute.. dun treat me like this... pls... u say tt it's still the same.. tt u didn't change in the way u're treating me.. so is it the way I feel tt has changed? What's happening? Can't u juz say it?

Don't leave me like this...

I thought u were a fren.. ok.. u r.. bt u "bother" abt me only cos u see tt I'm a poor soul tt needs help? And u leave... until I'm willing to change..

My dear.. u've been thru this b4.. what makes u think tt I didn't.. cos I still am holding on to the feelings? If I do nt hold on to this.. if I dun hold on to the feelings.. I can say tt there'll be nth left in me.. I'm tired.. drained by everything tt's happening.. everything tt's ard.. this is the only most pure n precious thing tt I can hold on to...

I do NT wanna close myself up AGAIN.. cos tt was what happened when I let go of the feelings.. I was SOOOO Empty.. Void.. no one could reach me.. nt even them.. until I slowly, gradually start to open gaps.. it's nt ez for me to get to where n how I am now.. it took me lotsa time.. courage.. effort by me n dar.. n lotsa strength.. God's help.. Constant prayer.. tons of encouragement.. all this u do nt know.. n much more...

Everybody's past is different.. thus, we'll have varying perspective on what's happening.. on how to handle things..

If u dun wanna bother abt me anymore.. I wun blame u.. juz.. tc of urself.. dun isolate urself so..

He's hiding lotsa things.. I know.. I can feel.. I can see it frm.. I dunno.. frm the way he replies my SMSes.. frm.. the way he replies my MSN messages.. there're lotsa stuff on his mind.. stuff tt he'll only tell me when he's ready to..

What can I do???

I guess I can only...

Wait...

I've been looking for this song for a LOOONNNGGG time.. it's a v nice song frm Anna & the King.. I gt the lyrics by hearing.. so they might nt be accurate.. I think they're quite accurate though.. :P

How can I not love you - Joy Enriquez

Cannot touch, cannot hold
Cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss
Cannot have each other

Must be strong
and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know

Chorus
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my heart
How does 1 walk away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone

Cannot dream, cannot share
Sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel, how we feel
Must pretend it's over

Must be brave
and we must go on
Must not say what we've known all along

Chorus

How can I not love you...

Must be brave
and we must be strong
Cannot say what we've know all along

Chorus

How can I not love you...
When you are gone...

I went down to look for dar n lloyd at woodlands library with nat n clement.. then we did our stuff.. nat had to leave early.. then dar met andrew.. we(clement, lloyd n I) coincidentally met the both of them at Yoshinoya.. had dinner there.. I went to MOS to buy strawberries.. then we went to play arcade.. dar spent a fortune there.. went hm aft tt..

Ok... so it's me.. I'm the one.. I dunno what's happening bt this is so NOT like me.. it's nt me.. I dunno.. I do nt wanna lose u.. I dun wanna lose anyone of u..

If u think tt I'm nt serious.. u can dig out my heart n check.. it's true.. the both of u.. besides my family tt is..

I've lost u b4.. I do nt wanna try it again.. I've lost the both of u b4.. pls.. do nt let me try it again.. it's torturous.. v painful..

Sorry if I was an a** today.. I really am sorry.. I dunno what I was thinking of.. really sorry..

Sigh.. the world's changing.. ppl's changing.. he's changing.. she's changing.. I dunno.. prob I'm changing so I think tt they're changing.. I dunno.. Difference in perspective.. different in EVERYTHING.. I dunno.. I so do NT wanna think abt it..

Juz leave me this way..

Hi.. I'm at cp's mac now.. yah.. I'm SUPPOSED to be studying.. bt with my lap top here.. I dun seem to be doing anything!!! Die... MUZ study.. I MUZ STUDY!!! :'( I cannot afford to fail...

Lloyd.. thx a lot.. :)

Lloyd helped me to make my webpage.. well.. it's still nt finished yet.. bt at least smtg's done.. I used the remote assistance thingy n gt him to help me.. wow.. cool.. :P

yoz.. at the mac oppo dar's plc now.. yah.. went to sch today.. went to settle my sch fees payment.. dun ask.. I'm nt in the mood to talk abt it..

I spent abt $20 juz to get to sch.. dun ask y..

Played pool aft tt.. was quite moody.. didn't really talk to anyone..

I dunno.. I feel like I'm getting more and more frustrated nowadays.. It's like I cannot control my emotions.. I need help.. I need to balance out..

GREAT! I haven't started studying yet.. ok.. I'll start tmr.. I HAVE TO START TMR!!!

I agree tt some.. ok.. maybe most of my worries with regards to rlsps r non-existant.. bt u wun know.. smtimes it's nt cos I dun want to.. it's cos they're aren't really all tt gd.. n.. well.. prob I'm juz still attached to him.. I guess tt's the main reason..

Nt attached as in attached.. bt attached as in the feelings r more or less still there.. I mean.. who can forget their first love? If u say tt u can, I admire u.. cos I can't.. esp when tt has left gd memories with u.. ok.. it'll def be harder to forget if tt has left bad memories..

To forget is to face it, accept it, then let go.. the more u try.. the harder it is to forget.. u think I dun know tt? I know.. I know v well..

I dunno abt u.. bt I'm getting tired of it.. I do nt want to be sm THING tt u can order ard.. if u think tt I'm like other gals.. u're DEAD WRONG.. cos I'm nt like other gals.. I've been pampered b4 n I know how it's like.. I will NOT compromise much.. dun think tt I'm ez to push ard cos I'm younger.. If u dun like me.. bug off.. if u like me bt u can't commit.. go away.. if u say tt u can do both, u're def nt doing it.. u said tt u dun like to drag.. sorry.. I think tt all I'm trying to do is to make sure what in the world I'm doing.. where in the world we're heading b4 doing anything abt it.. so.. can u do me a favour n DEFINE what's happening?!?

When I say "fine".. do u think I expect u to reply "fine"? Pls.. so WHAT if u're in a bad mood? Does tt give u the right to vent ur frustrations on me?!? I was being nice in talking to u.. do u have to do tt to me???

I hope tt this doesn't spoil our frenship or anything.. bt if it does.. it shows how weak our rlsp is.. n then I really dun see any pt in continuing in this kinda fragile rlsp..

Home.. actually have been home for a while alr..

I didn't do much today.. doing smtg bad now.. bt.. shhhh..

Mike's nice.. really nice.. he is even thinking of footing the 25% of the extra tt the loan doesn't cover.. so nice.. he doesn't have much bt he's trying.. well.. tt's how sm ppl are.. considerate.. caring for others..

Sm.. I dunno.. sm can pick up a quarrel with me cos he isn't feeling gd.. well.. there're differences in everyone.. u can't expect everyone to be the same can u..

I'm at Andrew's plc now.. went to do my loan thing today.. then came here.. I dun know what in the world I'm doing here cos he's going to leave at 5.. sigh.. I've gotta do my CIP.. hafta complete it by today..

I talked a lot to Lloyd this early morning.. gt to see his new wallpaper creation.. v nice.. :)

I've gotta study.. will be going down to sch to meet Ms V for econs tmr @ 10.. then will hafta do LMS proj @ 12.. in sch.. well.. I guess I better concentrate on doing my CIP.. gt a stupid webpage tt I've gotta complete..

I've gotta pay my sch fees by TMR! Well done.. well done..

NWK.. what in the world do u think u're doing? No.. u've no chance.. No.. so what if u say tt u're nt going to hurt me again? So what? What do u think? All u need to do is to stretch ur hand out and wait for me to take it? What makes u think tt I'll take it? When u say.. u keep referring to "last time".. what makes u think tt "last time" was a gd time??? It's nt the 1st time.. everytime aft u break up with ur gf, this crap will happen.. What do u think I am? A spare tyre? A rubbish collector? For ur kind information.. I'm NT!

Do u know tt all u've said juz works against u? Do u have any idea tt all u've said juz let me rmb him? Do u know tt I'm stressed.. nt cos u posted tt qns.. cos I know v well what the ans will be.. bt cos u reminded me of him? If u think tt u're impt to me.. I'm sorry for bursting tt bubble of urs.. bt u're nt.. he is..

The wall.. yah.. I know.. the wall is no longer there.. I cannot lean on it any longer cos tt wall has shifted.. for u WK.. I, myself demolised tt wall.. n I've no intention of building it up again..

I know.. I know.. I'm still.. in one way or another, emotionally attached to him.. sorry.. he's still a gd, close fren.. maybe it'll only remain this way.. I dunno.. it's nt up to me.. I'll leave it to God..

I'm back.. yah.. went out.. I went to pass dar her stuff.. then I went to meet LY n benny.. there was this other gal with them.. LY's fren.. Yi Hui.. frm PLMGS.. she's nt bad.. quite cute.. relatively close to LY...

Went to PS with them.. Ly n Benny bought prezzie for their fren.. then we went to Starbucks to sit for a while.. then LY left with Yi Hui.. he had to go to Marina Bay for his classmate's b'day celebration..

Dar went to watch Catwoman with Andrew.. yes.. only the both of them.. so I was left alone with Benny.. well.. at least there's someone to accompany me..

Tired.. feel like slping.. bt cannot.. gt CIP.. crap..

She went to his plc to stay.. well done.. asked her to come hm with me bt she said tt she had to go down.. fine..

Whatever.. I dunno what's happening to me.. dunno what's wrong with me.. no.. I think I should say.. I dunno what's right with me.. cos everything's wrong..

I haven't been contented with my life.. I keep wanting more.. keep worrying.. keep thinking abt stuff tt I shouldn't be thinking abt.. tt's nt gd.. NT GD at all..

Drunk.. dead drunk.. shouldn't drink when sick.. shouldn't drink when tired.. juz DUN DRINK!!!

She's in the taxi now.. coming here.. I dunno how's she.. she sounds dead drunk.. bt she says she's nt.. I dunno.. argh.. will be going down to fetch her..

Juz reached hm.. tired.. v tired..

Went for the band concert.. it's a combined sch band concert.. Commonwealth sec, ACJC, St Andrews, St Patrick, Siglap Sec, Temasek Sec.. there were 4 conductors.. 1 frm overseas, Mr Meryl Wamhoff.. the other 3 were, Mr David Glosz, Brando Tan n Ms Tan Yiang Hoon.. Brando n Ms Tan! Wow.. was shocked.. like I didn't expect to see them there.. the songs they played were nice.. although there were lotsa screeches by the clarinets n oboes.. I guess it's quite common.. The song, Fairest of the Fair was v nice.. The Saint and the City, Legends and Heroes.. everything's nice! Haha.. Saw Aaron n Zhi jian there (yumin pri).. haha.. Aaron like actually didn't recognise me at 1st.. like kenneth who didn't recognise me tt day at monstercue..

Aft tt, we went to Orchard Plaza.. Dar n I drank Sydney Cider.. nt much.. juz 1 bottle each..

Sorry.. sorry for being so cold to u.. I know tt u might feel hurt this way.. bt in doing so, I'll be able to prevent u frm getting more hurt in future than if I treat u well now bt suddenly withdraw in future.. u're nice.. I dun see the need.. n the pt of u liking me.. juz.. dun.. change ur liking.. then u'll dun hafta experience the pain.. in this way, u wun have tt bad a memory, n will be able to move on easier.. I hope..

Daddy juz came back nt so long ago.. n the 1st thing tt I gt frm him is nt a hug.. bt a whole series of ranting.. he blamed me for nt taking the financial aid forms before hand.. he asked me why I didn't do so.. He asked me to think for myself... tt's so nt possible.. he said tt if I succeeded in passing my exams, it would be a burden on him.. n if nt, it will also be a burden.. what in the world does he want me to do? I'm tired enough the way I am.. I've alr gt lotsa things to handle.. I dun think I needa handle what he thinks as well..

Sigh.. bt I guess I cannot juz ignore it.. I dunno.. I really dunno..

I'm sick n tired of thinking.. bt the bigger prob is when u find out tt ur probs aren't those tt u can choose whether or nt to think abt bt when u understand tt u cannot nt think abt them..

Have u felt tt smtimes ppl seem to know what u're going thru n send sms or msges of encouragement to u?

I have...

"Even the youths shall faint and be weary and the young men shall utterly fall: but they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:30,31 (KJV)

Thx a lot mike.. needed it a lot.. u msged me when I needed it the most.. when I'm faint.. when I'm weary.. to remind me of God's wondrous love... and inexhaustible strength.. thx..

I'm at hm.. using my lap top.. sitting on the chair.. legs crossed.. lap top on my legs.. legs numb.. bt I can't shift cos the wires aren't exactly long enough.. n my bro's on the com.. wonderful...

Dar n I wanted to go for kick-boxing today.. thing's tt we couldn't get thru the security.. so.. we didn't go.. ended up going to Hougang Plaza's K Pool.. man.. the pool table n balls suck.. so in total.. it sux.. haha..

I feel like slping! No.. I'm serious.. I really do feel like slping.. so tired.. eyes closing.. zZzZzZzZ

Having sm ACJC concert tmr.. the tix costs $13.. n they're in horrible quality.. seriously.. they're even worst than XMS' tix! Man.. cmi...

Ok.. I guess I better get concentrating on LMS.. gt lots to cover..

I'm in sch.. juz finished OCOM tutorial.. TTS.. wow.. I think I didn't do v well in it.. sigh..

I'm so freaking tired.. I almost fell aslp while waiting for my turn to speak..

Stuff's settling in now.. We've a personal topic to speak on.. OCOM grp presentation.. which is supposed to last for 20mins.. no more no less.. for the personal topic, I've chosen "family crisis".. guess I've got lots to talk about..

I've gt kick-boxing later.. sigh.. so tired..

LMS.. the script isn't totally completed.. it has to be handed in tmr.. I've only done Part 2's version 1.. there're still many others.. great.. I dun hafta think of slping tonight.. again..

School Updates...

Tests.. tests.. n more tests.. all start at 4pm.. time range varies frm subj to subj..
I've upcoming CIP 2 proj to do.. will be given aft common test wk
I've gt OB proj on stress.. real stress.. presentation: wk 14
OCOM.. personal n grp presentation.. have 3 wks to complete
LMS.. Script, report, role play.. presentation: wk 14

If u think it's nt enough.. there'll be more..

This is life here.. this is life in Ngee Ann Poly.. This... is my life.. like it or nt.. I've gotta cope with it...

Hi.. it's coming to 1 am in the morning n yes.. I'm still online.. I've no idea what in the world I'm doing..

I didn't work yest n today.. juz cos Cat was there.. whatever.. I'm going to quit ANYWAY..

I'm v tired.. yes.. I know tt I've been saying this many times.. I'm v clear tt I've repeated this fact umpteen times in my blog.. bt I really am VERY tired.. I'm exhausted.. I'm stressed.. the 3 stages of stressed.. Alarm, Resistance, Exhaustion.. I'm EXTREMELY exhausted.. I know v well tt I might be heading for burnout.. bt.. I'll do smtg b4 it reaches tt state..

Nxt wk's study break.. the wk aft's common test wk.. so fast.. in 7.. no.. 6 days, I've gotta settle my sch fees.. I dunno where in the world I'm going to DIG out the cash.. I still haven't found it yet..

I'm now on my lap top.. I've gt the modem attached.. the printer.. the mouse.. sigh.. I feel like the lap top.. having so many things attached to me..

I think I'm having a serious case of stress.. so much tt I would rather attribute it to PMS than to think abt it being as stress.. tt's bad.. v bad..

In a way.. I feel as though I'm reverting back to the lifestyle b4 this.. the time when he broke with me.. tt period of abt.. 4+ mths when I was unable to slp.. well.. for me now.. I'm unable to slp well.. unable to slp.. unable to get myself to slp..

I'm getting rather short-tempered.. today.. yest rather.. dar, andrew n I went to the mac tt's opposite dar's plc.. she used the power socket there.. aft a LONG time, an auntie saw it.. she complained to one of the other customers.. during the whole time.. she was staring at me.. I dunno what in the world she's looking at.. bt she was staring.. I.. gt v agitated.. I almost blew my top.. sigh.. this is NOT gd.. well.. prob it's cos of my shirt.. it has the words "We're the 1% who don't fit & don't care".. bt I doubt she can read it..

Gd morning.. it's 1.33 on my lap top.. I'm still awake.. I still have OCOM tutorial to complete.. I've gotta wake up at ard 530 later.. cos I gt someone to give me morning call.. Nvm.. I managed to slp for.. 10 mins b4 I came online.. so it's ok.. at least I wun feel so tired.. oh.. freak.. I'll be having kick-boxing later.. die..

Haha.. welcome to my life..

Probs, probs n more probs... sigh...

I admit.. I'm cold.. I'm v cold to u.. I'm sorry.. tt's how I do things..

When ur heart is dead, u'll have no will to live.. is tt how u think? So do u mean tt u're going to give up? To give up on everything? U said tt I'm heartless.. tt u want so much to leave.. do u think tt I'm willing to? I'm sure tt I'm nt the only one who doesn't want u to go.. n I'm def nt the only one who is holding on.. y can't u juz hold on? Y? I know u're tired.. I know tt u've been fighting for a long time.. I know tt u juz wanna let go.. bt y can't u juz.. I know tt I've no right.. I know tt I cannot comment.. I agree.. I dunno what u've been going thru.. I dunno how it feels to have a 10 cm long needle piercing thru ur neck.. I dunno how it feels to have 10 over needles poking u.. I dunno how it feels to have ppl pinning u down to inject med down ur spine.. I dunno how it feels to go into a dark rm n emerge being unable to talk, move or even breathe.. I dunno how it feels to have to breathe with 2 tubes stuck down ur nose.. Yes.. I really dunno.. bt I know it hurts..

u said tt u 2 r nt communicating enough.. bt the other party says tt he's trying.. he says tt u're nt free.. he says tt u juz cannot find time for him.. u say otherwise.. u're bz.. I know.. I can see.. I cant be a mediator.. I cannot.. things are juz btwn u n him.. there're smtgs tt has to be settled btwn the both of u.. no one should.. n could..

I'm oso tired.. I've gt lotsa stuff to handle.. myself.. my parents.. siblings.. sch.. financial issues.. work.. spiritual life.. friendships.. rlsps.. lots.. n lots.. n lots more..

God.. I know tt I haven't been relying on U.. I know tt I've been trying to do things my way.. I know tt I'm the one who WANTS.. n it's nt necessary UR will.. Father.. show me ur will.. show me what U've planned.. what U've done.. the reason for y it has to be done.. Pls.. grant me strength..

I'm in class now.. yah..

Yest was a relatively gd day.. Went to do proj @ Wisma in the morning.. then went down to Cine to catch the village with dar, andrew n zhiwei.. aft tt, we went to Marina Bay.. Oh man.. I LOVE the guy! He's so gd! He chose a gd spot for us so tt we can catch a gd view of the fireworks.. n he even gave us 6 ILT on the house! Wow! haha.. nat n edward (nat's fren) came.. they were supposed to eat bt they didn't.. so.. haha..

The fireworks was beautiful.. I love it.. last yr's was better.. longer.. on my b'day.. now I know y..

Smtg happened aft tt.. cos of tt, I reached hm quite late.. n I ended up quarrelling with my dad.. I suddenly found out how unfeeling he is.. He can tell me abt his past n all.. Y CAN'T HE PUT HIMSELF IN MY SHOES?!?

I was being too pessimistic to rmb.. Happy National Day..

This day might juz be any other public holiday for many of u.. bt it signifies much.. it symbolises 39 yrs of freedom.. of independence.. God has been faithful.. has sustained the country for 39 whole yrs.. it's nt a lot.. bt it's neither little.. Imagine what could have happened within this span of 39 yrs..

Although many ppl will attribute the peace n prosperity to our wonderful senior minister, it would have been impossible if nt for God..

N I might juz be an external.. or an internal with external views.. whichever..

Hi.. aft a long break frm writing.. cos I was tired.. well.. the past few days were abt the same.. work..

Today.. met him for lunch with nat.. went to the coffee shop under his blk.. went to the plc where he works.. went to the playgrd where di, me n him went a yr back.. sigh.. memories..

YH came with her family to have dinner @ Renn Thai.. she took her orders on her own.. n she forgot to circle which soup she wanted.. so I told her.. n aft tt.. I accidentally overheard her back-stabbing me in front of Poh Wan who joined in.. wow.. thx a lot.. serves me right for informing u tt u didn't circle ur order correctly..

Sorry.. everything's my fault.. sorry for being unable to get the scholarship n bursary.. sorry for nt getting study loans.. sorry for adding to ur burden.. it's all MY fault..

Sorry.. sorry for being so weak when I should be strong.. sorry for liking u the way I do.. sorry for still needing u to be here.. so sorry..

Sorry.. sorry for making u worry.. sorry for.. for everthing wrong tt I've done.. it's me.. I shouldn't have done it.

Sorry.. sorry for being the idiot n let my sister read this entry.. my irritating sister.. yes.. she has no idea what it means by a "sense of privacy".. well done..

Sorry for nt praying.. for backsliding more n more each day.. sorry for crying.. didn't mean to..

Sorry.. for everything.. I'm sorry..

Hello.. yah.. I'm nt aslp yet.. nt v surprising..

For the last sentence of the previous post.. I wish to further elaborate since greg asked for it..

What I meant by tt was.. IF I really had to open up to someone.. IF it's a must.. then I would rather let Greg be tt person.. frm my class tt is.. I dunno abt ppl frm other classes.. dun think I'll find anyone frm other classes..

Lionel asked me to join him for prata.. thx a lot.. bt I'm fat.. n growing fatter..

For dinner, dar n I had kfc.. 2 piece chicken.. then, we went to swensens for a regular earthquake.. I can say tt we were amazed cos we were actually able to finish the whole earthquake.. tt's.. incredible.. haha..

I'm tired.. zzzZZZzzzZZ.. I know nuts abt doing the html up.. I'm going bonkers at the rate I'm pushing myself.. I dunno where in the world am I going to find $975 to pay for my sch fees b4 the 16th of Aug.. I.. sigh.. God.. help me.. help me to trust in YOU.. tt U'll provide.. so tt I'll nt contemplate Begging, stealing or borrowing.. ok.. maybe borrowing.. sigh.. I dunno.. dun like to worry over money issues.. esp when it touches studies.. whoever's studies alike.. n.. argh.. I'm only left with $40++ in POSB.. the OCBC cannot be touched cos it's for me to pay sch fees.. bt I only have $500++ inside.. cos the amt in OCBC cannot be lesser than 500 else there'll be a "storage surcharge".. sigh..

I'm at mac now.. yes.. nt at hm.. today was.. hmm.. quite a day..

Both dar n I woke up late.. n both of us took individual taxis down to sch cos when I gt a cab, I called her bt she didn't pick up the hp.. then she gt a cab.. so.. we met in sch..

OCOM tutorial for today was juz the Table Topic Session.. I think tt both dar n I are the 'best' critics in class cos everyone told us to be more lenient.. well.. 1 pg was for 3, at most 4 ppl.. what do u think? the both of us used ard 2 1/2, 3 pgs.. aft tt, we were dismissed cos Ms Thea wasn't feeling all tt well so she didn't go thru the tutorial assignment with us..

Went to mac for breakfast.. then went for pool.. andrew went to cut his hair.. today's pool 'gang'.. Greg, andrew, zhi wei, lloyd, wanni, dar n I.. we saw iskandar there.. aft pool, andrew, dar n I went to PS to catch I.Robot.. it's quite a cool show.. esp the wonderful phrase of, *ah choo* "Excuse me, I'm allergic to bullshit." V funny..

Sitting here is a BIG stress.. the smoke's coming frm the right.. dying frm breathing difficulties.. ARGH..

I'm sorry for being how I was.. dar said tt it was my fault.. for tt particular 5 mins, it was.. bt only for tt particular 5 mins.. I dunno which 5 mins it was.. bt.. sorry.. it's juz me.. I know tt u want me to open up.. open up to u.. I'm sorry.. bt I can't do tt as well.. u juz dun know me.. u dun know me at all.. I've tried.. bt u still can't see.. smtimes.. smtgs r nt as ez as they seem.. smtimes it's consequences n circumstances.. the surrounding and underlying factors tt push me towards this direction.. n it's nt my fault.. it's nt me.. it's nt tt I dun wanna open up.. it's juz tt I wun open up to u.. maybe to him.. maybe to smone like greg.. yes.. greg.. dun ask y.. I wun say.. bt nt u.. sorry..

Hi.. gt back @ ard 11+.. almost missed every bus stop today.. when I went to sch, I woke up @ the NP bus stop cos I felt smtg tugging at my hair..n it's a gd thing tt I did.. else I would have been unable to wake up.. attended tutorial.. then lecture.. was VERY cold to everyone today.. Zhi Wei msged me n asked me y I was running away frm him.. well.. I'm nt.. n even if I am.. I can't help it.. sorry..

Took a bus to rush down to work.. almost missed the stop(again).. woke up @ Far East Plaza.. n the nxt stop's the stop which I was supposed to alight.. haha.. tonight, Poh Leng was there.. then Amir, Poh Wan, Poh Leng n Kai Lin were conversing in Malay in front of Jason n me.. Jason can understand.. cos, he's aft all a msian.. bt I couldn't.. was quite left out today..

Went hm.. n woke up @ ard grace haven.. tt's like half a stop b4 my stop.. haha.. 3rd time tt I almost missed my stop..

I'm so tired.. I'm v sure tt my dark eye ring r very obvious.. my eye bags r bulging.. n tt I'm fat! sigh..

Abt tt matter.. I'm sorry.. I guess I'm still nt ready to walk out of tt.. I like this.. yah.. I'm comfortable.. n I feel safe like this.. I might consider closing again.. today felt great.. nice.. yes.. dar didn't go to sch for almost the whole day.. I was cold to everyone cos of tt.. n I felt ok.. it didn't feel like there's a big diff.. no diff whatsoever.. n it was wonderful..

I'm a horrible masochist.. I gt my pay today.. a pathetic sum of $252.50.. dar gt $37.50.. irritating small sum of money.. I've gt at most 67++ in my POSB.. cos of sm wonderful person.. idiot.. n.. I'll die if I quit.. sigh.. bt working's stress.. v stress..

Yes.. I've nt done my OCOM tutorial.. n I'll have no time to do it tmr.. yes.. I've nt started my research for my 72hr OB assignment.. which.. has less than 48 hrs left.. sigh..

Hey.. juz back.. skipped OB lecture (again).. went to orchard.. Borders' Sakae.. dar, zhi wei n I.. andrew met up with us aft tt then we went down to Meridien to play pool at monstercue.. man.. it was SOOOO ex.. total of 32.80.. like.. what in the world.. bt we were there for abt 3 hrs.. so.. cannot comment much.. oh.. I wonderfully injured myself.. yah.. my left hand.. haha.. my pinkie was injured cos my hand was on the table n I accidentally dropped the ball on my hand while I was taking them out.. my forefinger was injured cos I banged my hand against the table while attempting to shoot the ball.. pro.. haha.. n I actually said tt it's nt pain when smone rubbed it.. wow.. have sm gd tolerating skills..

Didn't really do much.. dar signed up a new plan.. so she's going to change her no.. yah.. if u wanna know then call or msg me.. I'll tell u.. :) (nat.. rmb hor)

I dunno what else to write.. juz found out tt I've gt a proj tt's due in 72 hrs.. n I dun have the paper.. WELL DONE! Serves me rite for nt attending lecture.. die.. I'm going to make it a pt to attend my lectures! Sigh.. how?!? I think I've to slp early tonight.. cos I cant slp tmr.. gd thing lessons end @ 11 on thurs.. bt I've gt a freaking dreamweaver CIP lecture in the morning.. then TTS.. no OCOM lecture..

This wk, I'll be working a lot.. was supposed to work today bt I didn't know so.. I didn't go down.. I'm supposed to work tmr, fri, sat n sun.. tt's a lot.. Wei Xiang wun be working.. so I understand y.. haha.. okok.. I've gotta do my OB.. else I can't hand it in tmr.. sigh.. jia you..

Had our CIP ppt presentation today.. wow.. at LONG last, we've FINALLY managed to finish PBL1... 1 down, 2 more to go.. At least our effort paid off.. the tchr was relatively impressed with us..

I had BS today.. it was gd.. it was on Christian worldview.. what's ur view of the world? what's the def of worldview? lotsa stuff..

I was quite moody today.. n I dunno y.. I juz suddenly felt moody.. suddenly felt upset.. felt a sense of foreboding.. I called him, my dad, my mum.. n all said tt nth's wrong.. I dunno.. it couldn't be me.. then I called LY.. well.. for sm reason, he wasn't in a gd mood either..

Man.. I'm dead tired.. so DEAD TIRED.. our proj's done.. we can rest a while. *I hope*.. @ least I can have a more peaceful slp tonight.. :P

I'm at hm using the internet on my laptop.. at last I can get connection on my lap top.. aft such a LONG time.. smtg's wrong with blogger.. or so I think.. cos I cannot blog my last entry which I tried to yest.. or was it the day b4.. sat..

Sat, went to sch in the morning for badminton.. reached sch early.. had breakfast then it started pouring so dar n I had to make a big loop outta the sch gate, in the other gate, to the atrium, thru np orchard b4 we reached the sports hall.. aft badminton attachment, we went to KAP to wait for andrew.. we did v little there cos the noise lvl was intolerable n on the constant increase.. hence we went back to sch.. I went to work aft tt..

Sun.. went to church.. learnt abt sm issues on abortion.. informative.. then met up with the grp.. we "finished" the proj.. then I cut my hair.. looks much better now.. feels much lighter.. :P.. went down to Marina Bay aft tt.. we managed to catch the fireworks frm the NDP rehearsal.. sooo nice.. the last time I saw fireworks was last yr.. on my b'day.. met Lionel downstairs my plc to collect my BSTATS tb.. then.. my grp found out tt there's much tt we've nt done.. lotsa stuff tt's nt exactly rite.. so.. tt's y we're online now.. sigh.. stress..

I fell down.. gt sm scratches on my right leg.. tore a skin on my left toe.. no big deal.. juz sm minor abrasions.. they'll heal.. sigh.. my application for scholarship isn't approved.. I dunno what to do now.. God.. help me..

Jia You ppl.. we can do it..

I'm at funan's mac now.. man.. SOOOO tired.. I almost dozed off.. zZzzZZzz

Yah.. I'm presently alone.. dar, andrew n greg r upstairs in challenger.. leaving me to keep an eye on the lap tops n everything else.. I'm so tired.. I'm afraid I'll fall aslp "on the job".. can't they come down a little faster??? I'm dying! The air con there's powerful n I'm wearing a tank top.. argh.. cold..

Oh.. he came down frm SP to meet us today.. haha.. nt bad.. :) he was wearing this new jersey which he bought.. I personally didn't really like the colour.. bt.. well.. he thinks it's nice.. so.. whatever.. :P

Sigh.. ok.. so u wun choose.. nt tt I would want u to.. juz tt I dun want u to stress urself or to feel pressurised cos of this matter.. whatever u do, dun worry.. I'll always support u.. I'll stand by ur decisions.. I promise..

This is quite interesting.. here I am typing away n I've gt 2 cute kids staring @ what I'm typing.. haha.. yah.. they're sitting beside me.. staring over frm the corner now..

When r they coming back???

Hi.. I'm in sch.. haha.. hafta do proj later.. n now hafta do this !dea form to hand in first.. dar will be going for her interview soon.. sigh.. SIGH.. Yang Hong will be leaving on the 31st.. so.. there'll be 2 ppl less.. she told me smtg yest.. which was.. um.. rather disturbing.. I wish tt it's nt true.. bt a portion of it is..

I dun wanna be the 3rd party.. I dun wanna cause any conflicts btwn anyone.. I know tt he dun like me.. I know tt u can't choose.. I know ur difficulties.. I'm nt asking u to choose me either.. All I'm trying to say is tt I hope tt if u really have to.. to choose the one who u'll be happy with.. who u can share all ur probs with.. spend more time with him.. dun needa worry abt me.. I'll be fine on my own.. I'll be able to cope.. :) Love ya.. *muackz*

I'm at KAP mac now..  sigh.. Will be going back for OCOM lecture later.. had OCOM tutorial juz now.. the TTS.. crap.. v crap.. I think I failed.. sigh.. although the comments were quite positive, I think tt my content is practically non-existant.. dreaded..

The guys r eating.. Greg, Andrew, Zhi Wei n Benny r eating.. dar n I r nt.. quite usual.. might eat later.. haha..

Will be working tonight.. dunno how I'm going to survive.. I had like little slp.. then I have lectures n all.. n work tonight.. tmr have badminton.. n proj aft tt.. die..

God.. grant me strength to go thru the day.. n the rest of the week..

Oh.. n.. Leng Yeow is here with a gal.. nt bad.. they look quite close.. potential gf I suppose.. haha.. jia you.. wo zhi chi ni!

Gd morning ppl.. Guess where I am now? Haha.. u'd nv be able to.. I'm in sch.. today's the earliest time I'm in sch.. haha.. record time.. 7 am.. cos I was staying over at dar's plc.. Sigh.. could have skipped CIP lecture loh.. then can slp longer... zZzzzzZZZZ.. haha

The sun's rising.. it's nice.. I've nt enjoyed the sunrise for a LONG time.. muz catch the sunrise sm time again..

I'm holding on? To what? him? haha.. what's the pt.. it's nt as though he'll ever come back.. so.. what's the pt..

Fatigue sweeps over every inch of me.. bt I'm still trying to move on.. maybe I'm nt moving enough.. yah.. I'm still clammed up.. have been.. feels gd this way.. yes.. I know tt it's nt gd.. bt it feels VERY comfortable.. it feels safe.. it's smtg which I can identify to.. smtg close to me.. it's nt tt I like being like this.. bt neither do I hate it.. it's gd.. in a way.. haha..

I dun even know what I want now.. I need someone who I'm able to identify with.. I need someone who'll stay by me no matter what happens.. who understands me w/o me showing it.. who'll see me for who I am.. who'll love, care n concern for me.. who'll...

Lotsa criterias huh.. no wonder I'm still like tt.. haha..

I'm at Dar's house now.. yah.. nt going back tonight.. haha.. cos we're doing proj.. madness.. VERY tired.. VERY stressed.. we're now trying to rush thru our ppt presentation slides.. n.. the gd thing is tt it's half done.. the bad thing is tt we're only half done.. the other half is lotsa other stuff.. crap.. crappy..

What is.. ur def of love? Is it juz giving or receiving.. Is it being selfless or selfish.. Is it wanting or lusting.. Is it hope or is it pain? Y tell me to open up? Y tell me to get used to her nt being here? Y ask me to give others a chance? What's the pt of telling me tt it's nt gd to be what I am now? Do u think I dun know? Y muz I give u a chance? Dun u know tt there're many others? What makes u think tt u'll stand a better chance as compared to others? Juz cos u get to spend more time with me? How much do u know me exactly.. u ask me to open up.. u asked me y I only relied on him  n dar.. Do u think u'll be able to understand me the way they do??? Sorry.. it's nt tt I underestimate u.. bt I seriously think u can't..

I bought a dress n a shirt today.. quite nice.. the dress is v sweet.. the shirt is what I like.. it has the words "We're the 1% who don't fit n dun care.." Cool shirt rite??? Haha.. :P

I'll stop now.. gotta go back to my proj.. cya..

Ok.. I've juz cooked spaghetti with dar.. yah.. for them.. Zhi Wei, Andrew, dar n me.. Greg isn't here yet.. sigh..

Saw their nick.. his is..  <> it's the hardest thing I ever had to do.. to look u in the eye n tell u I dun love u.. hers is.. ~I nv dared to look at the sky cos the moon only reminds me of u~.. sigh.. whatever.. so he still likes her.. n she still likes him.. bt they broke up.. mutual silent break.. wonderful.. sigh.. smtimes.. it's like tt.. sigh..

I'm at Andrew's plc now.. n I'm supposed to be doing my CIP proj.. haha.. okok.. I'll start.. I'll start..

Was actually supposed to meet him.. bt he was tired.. so I decided tt he should go back n take a rest.. bt he couldn't slp.. n.. he apparently still likes her.. whatever.. haha.. I know v well tt it isn't ez to forget..

Yest.. aft CIP.. we had a mini b'day celebration.. my class.. ok.. most of my classmates were there celebrating my b'day for me.. n the cake? New York Cheesecake.. I've got a fair amt of it turning into face mask n hair tonic.. :P.. n I was supposed to finish 2 slices of it.. thankfully I've gt Greg n Zhi Wei to help me.. thx guys.. aft tt we went to PS to catch Ella Enchanted.. it's a great show.. u ppl should catch it.. :) Then, we went down to Cine's K Box.. there, we met Gen Xiang n Clement.. Andrew's frenz.. oh.. all this time I've been saying 'we' rite.. haha.. yeah.. 'we' includes dar, greg, zhi wei, andrew, darren, yi xiong n me.. 7 of us..

Smtg happened yest.. I.. cannot explain how I felt.. I know tt no one's at fault bt I can't seem to convince the person involved! It's nt ur fault! He was healthy n fine.. no one expected tt he would..

I wanna thank Chin Pei for rmbing to msg me.. yah.. u managed to msg me on time..
Thank u leng yeow.. haha.. so true.. he said tt since he couldn't be the 1st to wish me.. let him be the last.. well.. u're the last for the day.. he called @ ard 11.57pm..

Today was another hectic day.. went swimming in the morning.. did econs grp work.. rushed for BSTATS lecture.. then went for my 2nd rd of ambassadorial interview.. skipped OB lecture.. went to work.. sounds bz huh..

During work today.. there was this table of 3 guys.. n 1 of them has a beard.. yah.. he talked to me.. n gave me a cross.. he's frm Jerusalem.. n the cross he gave is made of olive wood with the word 'Jerusalem' printed on it.. he 1st asked me if anyone told me I was beautiful.. haha.. well.. the last time I rmbed.. it was a young gal who told me tt.. then he gave me the cross.. he said tt he doesn't give it away freely n he really liked me to have it.. aft they left, one of his companions told me tt tt man's a famous pastor who goes rd the world evangelising.. n tt I've been blessed by him.. wow.. haha.. I thank God for letting me meet him..

I received a present frm Kai Lin.. this guy.. is the smartest guy of the yr.. His prezzie was v well wrapped.. hand wrapped mind u.. he didn't use wrapping paper.. he used a netting.. wrapped it round the box n tied a ribbon.. it looked v nice.. in the box was a plush toy.. n.. being the clever me as I am.. I removed the frails n saw tt there was a false base.. so I took out the base n to my shock (or horror, whichever way u put it..) I saw a small blue box with the words Taka Jewellery printed on top of it.. he bought me a necklace.. the most clever person of all..

Oh.. if u ppl r wondering y.. it's cos I've been hanging this particular necklace round my neck for the past 1 yr n a day.. n it's given to me by him.. who's he? He's my ex.. tt's who.. Dar had wanted to buy one for me.. Zhaoz wanted to.. n I can think of many others who would rather tt I throw the present one away.. I dunno what I should do with Kai Lin.. or tt necklace for tt matter.. sigh.. I dunno.. all I know now is tt.. I've gt my OB n BSTATS tutorials UNDONE! Well done..

Yoz ppl! I didn't manage to blog yest cos my com was down.. yah.. I was working yest.. I found out tt besides Raymond, PW n I, Wei Xiang, n jaslyn will oso be leaving.. crap my com is having prob again..

Today is my bday.. I wanna thank all who rmb..

Edward for the swensens treat n the first call for the day ..

Lehana for the first prezzie..
I love the earrings.. :) 

Huilin Minli Jingrui my yuminian frenz for rmbing aft like.. 10 yrs.. love u gals..
Robin Yizhao Dar frm XMS.. *hugs* 
Andrew for calling..
Andrew frm CE.. 
The gals in my class for wishing me a happy bday.. thx a lot..
Brenda for rmbing.. didn't think u'll know.. 
Dennis for trying to get what I want..  
Edwin (Darren's fren) for sending me a sms..  
Chris for trying to get a day to go out with me..
Guang De for msging me n for trying to call although I didnt pick up the hp.. ;)
Alicia frm work for the cute sms..  
N to all others who I have forgotten to write in..
I will include u guys if I rmb..
n aft I get my lap top to work properly.. :) 

Love u guys..
*muacks*

I'm presently at Benny's house making use of his lap top n wireless internet.. :P.. there r 4 guys in therm.. Matthew, Leng Yeow, Wee Kian.. n of cos.. Benny.. haha..

Ok.. y didn't I blog? Cos I didn't go hm last nite..

Last nite I went to Xinfony V.. the band has changed their conductor to a Mr Brando Tan.. cool, jumpy guy.. haha.. he's nt bad..

Aft the concert, dar, nat n I went to somerset to meet up with Andrew n his 2 frenz.. aft tt, nat had to leave.. dar n I went to meet Darren n his 2 frenz.. went to Sparks.. the music there's v loud.. techno type.. stayed there till abt 2+, 3.. then we went to the stalls oppo Orchard Pt to eat.. had chicken satay, oyster omelette, chicken wings n stingray.. Personally, I still prefer the one at Clementi.. the stingray I mean..

Darren n his fren, Yi Xiong was relatively drunk.. dar n I reached my house @ abt 3.50, 4am.. took a bath n went downstairs.. on our arrival, we found tt the both of them were alr half dead.. ok.. so they slept 1st.. when they woke up, dar n I slept.. which was ard 5.. we then slept till 7.. it was raining cats n dogs aft tt.. n the rain lasted till abt 11+, 12.. HEAVY rain.. 

Ooo.. Thx lots for sending breakfast to us.. it's v nice.. :) liked it.. breakfast for today was bee hoon.. with either luncheon meat or egg.. I happened to get the bee hoon with kway teow n luncheon meat.. haha.. he stayed for a while then rushed off.. was supposed to go to sch bt I think they cancelled the event cos of the rain.. gd thing.. I was so worried tt he'll fall sick or smtg..

Left them to go hm @ abt 12.. n here I am! haha.. had pizza for lunch.. 1 piece.. :P

Brought Zhi Wei to de Hair Exchange to cut his hair.. he really does look better now.. n will look even better w/o his specs.. I oso washed my hair for the concert.. made it straighter as well.. juz for the nite.. found out lots abt Thomas.. he's a v sweet guy! v nice.. n considerate too.. he said tt he'll nt stay in S'pore for long.. as in pr.. tt's y he didn't wanna look for a gf.. cos if he were to go back, n the gal stays.. she'll be hurt.. this shows tt he's looking for long-term rlsp.. sigh.. y isn't he s'porean.. :P

I dun get what's so nice abt Sparks.. I dun understand how ppl can spend hrs.. n on consecutive days in there.. the music deafening.. u can't even hear what the person beside u is saying.. the lights r extremely glaring.. ok.. the ppl there r quite high aft 2.. tt's abt it..

Sigh.. I only gt to slp 2 hrs.. SOOO tired.. bt.. who cares? I'll slp earlier tonite..

Hey.. I'm hm.. yah.. today was v tiring.. really.. I went to sch for the 1st table topic session.. it was on Camera phones.. the topic I gt was "Is camera phone a necessity?".. nt bad.. at least I managed to talk on it.. n I received positive feedback.. pray tt I can do well in this nxt wk.. this wk's ungraded.. it'll start frm nxt wk..

Aft tt, our class had an outing to KAP.. saw Ben there.. then most of us skipped Mark Zee's OCOM lecture.. me included.. dun start.. it's a total waste of time k.. then a few of us went to play pool.. I saw David.. n we talked quite a bit.. heard frm him tt an interview muz be passed in order to get into HI club.. crap.. Speaking of which.. Greg, Dar n I have successfully gotten into the 2nd rd of interview for ambassadors.. like quite crap.. dar n I weren't exactly v keen n in our 1st interview, we actually gave such an attitude tt I seriously thot tt we would be disqualified! Bt dar gt abt 35.8/45 for her interview score n I think I gt abt 38.6.. I dunno.. couldn't really see the result.. Greg's interview will be on mon 1130.. mine on tue 245.. dar's on fri..

Was considering on catching a movie on mon.. Ella Enchanted.. bt.. Greg's having an interview!!! Crappy.. v crappy.. the timeslot is in the middle of NOWHERE.. sch starts at 1 this coming mon..

Work was bad.. Ham's sacked for whatever reasons I dunno.. his last day will be on the 12th Aug.. Raymond's leaving.. last day is 31st of this mth.. Poh Wan's going for an interview @ ham's fren's plc.. Catherine will be coming in plc of Alan.. I'll be leaving with Alan.. yah.. made up my mind.. what's the pt of staying? Ham's the only reason y I'm still there.. u think I'll miss the plc? Huh! Fat chance.. Catherine will only think of "cut cost".. dun put too many part-timers.. n all this kinda crap.. I'll save her the trouble.. my dad has mentioned of this restaurant @ Boat Quay.. Hot stones n Al Dante.. was telling ham abt it n he advised me against joining the crew.. cos of the working hrs.. n the manager there.. apparently.. ham was frm there.. so he knows..

She's been rather ok today.. Thank God.. thank U for 1 day.. for this day tt I managed to spend with her..

Dar.. I love u.. *muacks*

I didn't blog yest.. n it's nt on purpose.. I reached hm @ abt 12.. the com was defragmenting so I didn't blog..

Have u ever felt so empty? Like as though u've lost smtg.. or smone for tt matter.. Have u wanted smone to stay real badly bt he/she has to leave or wants to? Have u experienced ur love one in ur arms gasping for air.. longing for smone.. wanting to leave u n all u can do is to call the person back.. to hold on to tt person? If it were u.. could u have handled it? Would u have cried n juz stoned there? Or would u have done smtg?

I cried yest.. yah.. cos of her.. I cried.. abt 3 to 4 hrs.. I cried so hard tt my eyes were red, puffy n swollen.. I was almost unable to put my lens in..

When the guys tried to make me laugh today, I almost ended up crying.. sigh.. emotional imbalance again.. nt gd.. hafta find the balance again.. God.. help me.. Help me trust in U.. Help me to plc all my cares n worries on U.. nt to take them upon myself.. Help me to lean upon UR understanding n nt to think tt I can do it on my own.. God.. help me to know when to let go.. help me know what to do..

Juz gt hm nt so long ago.. went to BTP.. met nat.. she managed to hit a few balls b4 she had to rush hm.. ok.. I didn't really get to play today.. bt.. whatever.. aft the pool session, I went to LY's plc.. then rotted there.. :P.. his house is quite nice.. ok.. it's much neater than mine for a fact.. haha..

I'm trying hard to do my BSTATS hw.. n it's nt working.. think muz concentrate harder.. sigh.. still have OCOM n OB nt done yet.. n BSTATS of cos..

Oh.. Nat agrees tt Greg's cute.. see.. I'm nt the only one who says tt.. haha.. yeah.. she gt to meet Greg, Andrew, Zhi Wei, Lloyd n Iskanda..

I'm so tired.. feel like nt doing hw.. sigh.. lazy lazy.. I can't be like tt..

CIP is like so tiring.. Jason juz called me.. asked if I could work tonight.. who cares man.. My shoes r at hm.. I'm nt free later.. I'm NT going down.. at all.. hmph!

I shouldn't be doing this bt.. who cares.. I'm actually in class now.. the lecturer's talking.. she's explaining sm mailmerging thingy.. n I'm blogging away.. :P okok.. I'll concentrate..

Nat should be coming down later.. so.. I think we'll be going to BTP for pool.. my com is wonderfully infected by a virus.. n mind u.. it's my lap top..

We've gotta do proj. first.. so.. I guess I'll be v bz.. yah.. will blog more when I've the time..

Hey.. I'm in sch.. haha.. wonder how it is tt every sun nite I dun get to blog at hm n I come to sch n blog on mon? Haha.. cos I've gt com lessons on mon.. n I've gotta bring my lap top to sch.. so I get to use it..

I'll be going for Xinfony V.. SOOOO cool.. :) The alumni band will be playing.. sigh.. juz found out tt XMS is 20th for last yr's ranking.. bt still in the top 10 value added schs..

Kai Lin's freaking me out.. he's gt a gf.. n whatever's happening isn't exactly supposed to happen.. I dunno.. sigh..

Andrew's cute.. he seems to have smtg onto dar.. hmm.. n I'm supposed to nt know.. bt it's SOOO obvious.. so so obvious..

I like Greg.. this guy is REAL cute.. too bad I dun have his pic.. else can post it.. haha.. n.. there's no where to host my pics anyway.. sigh.. yah.. like.. as in FREN only..

I'm always the last to know.. he always let me be the last to know.. dar knew of it a long time ago.. n he only told me 3 mths later.. tt idiot.. sigh.. bt I can't stay angry with him.. Hope tt he'll remain happy.. Ai Ni! :)

Semester 1  


Teaching Weeks 
28 Jun 2004 - 15 Aug 2004 
7 Weeks 


Break 
16 Aug 2004 - 22 Aug 2004 
1 Week  


Teaching Weeks 
23 Aug 2004 - 10 Oct 2004 
7 Weeks 


Study & Examination Weeks 
11 Oct 2004 - 24 Oct 2004 
2 Weeks 


Vacation 
25 Oct 2004 - 05 Dec 2004 
6 Weeks 
 
--------------------------------------------------
 
My timetable.. sigh.. so different frm last time.. nvm.. it juz gets worst down the yrs.. end of yr hols juz get earlier n earlier.. sigh.. so sad.. 

link

my schedule.. see urself..
--------------------------------------------------
 
u're telling me tt u cannot commit.. where have I heard tt b4.. I think I said tt many times.. haha.. now it's time for smone else to tell me.. thx lots.. for having a crush on me.. me finding out.. n now telling me tt it's useless to like u cos u can't commit.. thx.. nt tt I blame u cos.. I'm doing tt too.. cmi.. sigh.. forget it.. y pull others down when I know tt I find it hard too? u're nt bothering abt me.. maybe it's my fault.. sorry..

Went for KS today.. Ptr Cheah gave a workshop on Charismatism, which, I find is interesting n informative.. :) Will write more on it when I've the time..

They've broken up abt 3 mths ago.. n I didn't know it.. I'm so sorry.. didn't mean to rake up the unhappiness.. sorry..

I.. think I'll be mtg him tmr morning..

Daddy.. I know tt u've the rite.. bt pls daddy.. do nt label my frenz.. u've labelled him.. now u label her.. saying tt she'll be a stumbling block to me.. I know tt she isn't all tt simple.. Daddy.. I know more abt her than u do.. she's my best fren.. she's been there for a long time.. I know tt u dun wish for me to get cheated or betrayed.. I trust tt she wun.. n I know tt if she does, I'll be hurt more.. I'll cry harder cos u told me.. I know.. bt I'm willing to take the risk..

U said tt u're sly.. maybe tt's ur perception.. u like her.. y dun wanna find out if it's reciprocated? It'll be gd if it is.. :) u're nice.. dun think tt u aren't.. u're a cute boy! :P

I saw Mr Sharma on the bus.. man do I miss XMS.. sigh.. wanna go back.. our hols dun coincide with the tchrs' day celebrations!!! :'( cannot go back.. having tutorials the whole day.. irritating.. if it's thurs, I'll skip lectures to go.. bt.. it's on mon.. whole day tutorial n CIP.. :'(

Today was certainly a tiring day.. gt to wake up at 5+, Dar didn't go to sch for IS today cos she was having a headache.. she managed to make it for LMS..
 
Went to do my CIP @ KAP with the usual ppl.. Dar, Andrew n Greg.. Greg had to leave early.. the 3 of us had lunch @ KFC at BTP.. had durian aft tt.. :P We then went for 3 rds of pool.. where dar n I almost won Andrew.. sigh..
 
Work today was bad.. there was this table who reserved a table for 10 @ 8.30.. then they changed the reservation to 9pm.. when we called back.. the person said tt he couldn't make it @ 830 cos sm ppl were still at the airport.. they came in @ 9++ dragged the order taking time to 9.30.. didn't allow us to serve the food although majority of the ppl were here.. n in the end.. we left work @ 11.. irritating.. there was this other table who Jason brought in @ 9.20.. so early.. thx A LOT..
 
Greg likes.. haha.. nt me.. def nt.. I know tt he likes this gal.. bt.. dunno what he's thinking abt.. :P
 
Zzzz.. feel like slping.. bt dun feel like slping.. as yet.. I know.. it's better to slp b4 11.. bt tt's nt v possible.. yes.. my eyes r arguing with me.. bt my mind juz isn't tired.. sigh..
 
I've nt done my microecons tutorial tt I've gotta go through on mon.. the research on the CIP project is oso left hanging there.. argh.. it's nt gd.. nt gd at all..

I came back at abt 12 n only gt to the com now.. sigh..

Yest was quite a bad day.. I woke up @ 745.. missed the bus @ dar's plc.. we only gt on the bus @ 835.. gt down @ 845 @ bishan to try to catch a cab.. we tried calling bt were engaged for a long time.. stood under the rain for 1/2 hr to get tt cab.. while waiting for cab, there was this car with 2 guys who slowed down, winded down their window n said smtg b4 winding it up n driving off.. dar n I were like "what in the world".. shortly aft, we saw a funeral van.. sigh.. when we gt onto the taxi n on our journey, there was this guy in the car nxt to the cab tt was "flirting" with us.. manz.. I felt like throwing smtg at him.. when we reached sch, we didn't dare to walk in.. stood outside for a while.. then went in.. thankfully Ms Thea's nice.. she didn't mark us as absent or anything..

Mark Zee's lecture was extremely short as usual.. went to Clementi to eat stingray with dar, andrew n greg.. then proceeded to orchard to meet up with nat.. bought Ocean Ou De Yang's CD n her bro's prezzie with her.. ooo.. speaking of CD.. I bought Oman's Free Like A Bird n Kevin Kern's More Than Words.. V nice.. n my perfume.. I spent a total of $100++ on the stuff n food.. like so ex.. sigh.. anybody mind combining with others n give me $60? Haha.. tt's the price of the perfume.. :P

Went to work.. am SOOO tired.. there were 2 large grps today.. 1 consisting of 27 ppl, the other 14.. quite tiring to run abt.. zzz

Juz received Dorcas' email on a BS grp in NP.. soooo cool.. :) We should start in Aug.. alt mon.. 515.. tentatively.. haha.. n we can invite frenz along! Well.. will see abt tt..

Hi.. I'm nt hm yet.. haha.. ok.. today the 4 of us, Zhi Wei n Lloyd went to BTP.. they went to play pool.. dar n I went there to slp.. smtg happened which I dun wanna talk abt.. so dun ask..

Aft tt, we went back for econs lecture.. there were this 2 gals in front of us who r VERY noisy.. IRRITATINGLY NOISY.. we were having lecture.. if they dun wanna listen, they could jolly well keep quiet so tt we can concentrate on what the lecturer was saying.. they were making a lot of noise.. ARGH..

Dar went to meet EH.. so I went back with Leng Yeow, Sheng Da n Benny..

Juz finished my OCOM tutorial for tmr.. m considering on skipping CIP tmr morning.. :P
Oh.. I made a HUGE mistake today.. Greg was holding on to my file for me.. I wanted to ask "Where's my file".. n I was thinking of "Where's Greg".. guess what came out.. haha.. yah.. "Where's my Greg.." ARGH.. gt teased A LOT for tt.. I'm sorry.. didn't mean to do tt.. :'(

Okok.. I'll blog to here.. will update later if I've gt anything else to write..

Reached hm a while ago.. went out to watch windstruck at PS this morning with Dar n Andrew.. nice show.. v sad too.. sigh.. "When I die, I wanna become the wind..."

Had lunch.. kimchi omelette.. then went back to sch.. in a cab with the 2 of them n Greg.. had 2 hrs of OB lecture on personality.. aft tt went to play pool with a bunch of them.. the usual 4 of us n Zhi Wei..

They left early.. dar n I stayed back for another round of pool..

Think tt dar n I really r a bit different.. no.. we're v different frm the bunch of gals in my class.. we hang out with the guys.. the 2 guys n Benny in particular.. the other gals hang out within themselves..

Ooo.. haha.. heard frm Iskanda (my LMS partner) tt I'm fierce.. he told me to smile more.. now.. what's wrong with tt.. I'm always like tt.. apparently ppl have been talking abt me..

u know what? I think I'm sinking into oblivion again.. wow.. hello to the plc which I'm familiar to.. prob this is the best for me.. at least I wun be tt insecure to the "outside world"..

God.. help me.. I dunno what to do.. dunno who to trust.. dunno anything.. I.. guess tt juz plain saying tt I'm tired doesn't really matter.. cos.. well.. I keep saying tt I'm tired.. n I know tt everyone is.. it's juz the extent to which I'm tired.. well.. think it might reach saturation pt soon.. haha.. n maybe it'll be gd if it does.. it might..

This song.. is a nice song.. v nice.. if anyone has or can find the eng version sung by Charlotte Church n Josh Groban.. pls send it to me.. thx..

The Prayer - Celine Dion, Andrea Bocelli

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be safe

La luce che to dai (The light that u give us)
I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore resterò (Will stay in our hearts)
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarchi che (Reminding us)
When stars go out each night
L'eterna stella sei (That in my prayer
)
Nella mia preghiera (You are an everlasting star
)
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c'è (There's so much faith)
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe.

Sognamo un mondo senza più violenza (We dream of a world with no more violence)
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza (A world of justice and hope)
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino (Grasp your neighbors hand)
Simbolo di pace e di fraternità (As a symbol of peace and brotherhood.)

La forza che ci dai (The strength that you give us)
We ask that life be kind
E'il desiderio che (Is the wish)
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amore (That everyone may find love)
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a sé (In and around himself)
Another soul to love


Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
E la fede che (And the faith that)
Hai acceso in noi (You've lit inside us)
Sento che ci salverà (I feel will save us )

I've tried my best to look for translations.. so the ones in the brackets r the eng translations for the italian words.. v nice n meaningful..

Yoz! U wun believe where I am now.. I'm actually outside mac! At Hougang Mall! No.. Serious! Haha.. cool.. I LOVE MAC!!! I'm Lovin it! :)

Dar n I went for dinner at HANS.. then decided to try out Darren's wonderful introduction of sitting outside Mac to use our lap top.. n.. TADA! Here we are! :) Nxt time I can access internet at HP's mac! Cool.. the only bad thing is tt the smoke here's terrible..

So I guess I'll be sitting here for a while.. haha.. sigh.. today's games wasn't what I expected them to be.. 1 was the standing in line nt suppose to talk bt hafta rearrange urself game.. then 2nd was this situation in which the plane crashed n u can only save 4 outta the 9 ppl.. then the 3rd was a talking session.. will be having an interview on thurs 11.20am.. sigh.. cannot go KAP for breakfast.. no pool.. :P die.. getting a little addicted to pool.. haha.. muz improve on my skills..

My lens r drying up.. I'm tired.. bt I dun think I'll be leaving so early.. see abt tt.. haha..

Juz finished CIP.. waiting to go for Ambassodor games.. think I pissed Dar off juz now.. ok.. correction.. I did..

When she asked me to help her with her stuff.. I tried n I wasn't able to do it.. she wasn't v happy abt it.. n neither am i.. sigh.. fine.. whatever.. I'll blog more when I get back.. aft the games tt is..

Ok.. I'm in sch using the lap top.. haha.. ok.. what happened yest.. hmm.. I went to CE for service.. then went to Bras Basah to get sm art fren card with nat.. went down to PS to meet Leng Yeow then I went to have lunch @ Swensens.. aft tt we went down to taka.. where I worked for the nite.. there weren't many ppl yest.. aft work, alan n I went over to Sanur to celebrate jasmine's 18th b'day with her.. quite fun.. Kai Lin came oso.. then I went back.. oh.. I had a little to drink.. nt much.. juz 2 bottles of venom.. 1 red, 1 blue.. nt tt much.. haha.. Dun scold me or anything.. I wasn't exactly feeling v gd.. pissed in fact..

Know what.. I dunno what's happening.. everything seems to be in a whirl.. half of me wants to try.. the other half says no.. n what's more.. he told me the same thing he did.. I dun wanna hurt u.. thx.. I needed sm kinda stimulation to tell me what to do.. think I know what to do now..

If the 1st person u meet aft u walked out of ur isolation is someone who u think u can trust.. n tt person says tt he cannot commit.. tt his original plan was to play with whoever he meets.. tt he's happy with the way he is now n tt he dun wanna change back to who he was.. how would u feel? n now he says.. I dun wanna hurt u.. ok.. thx.. enough of it..

I shouldn't be doing what I know I shouldn't.. I guess tt I was wanting too much.. now I can safely withdraw frm everything n everyone else.. Kai Lin asked my yest y I was so cold.. I told him tt nth's wrong.. well.. nth's wrong.. it's no one's fault..

I should juz concentrate on my studies n nt on other stuff I should juz be the me I am now n walk on like this Im tired smtg is wrong with my lap top I think I juz activated my toggle keys n now I cant do anything to disable it crap

Hey! Wondering y I didn't blog yest? tt's cos I was too tired..

I didn't slp on fri.. so I wasn't up to it.. n I didn't go to work.. tt caused lotsa probs.. Jason called me up n scolded me over the phone.. well.. I guess he would rather have me go to work then to have to call ppl over to fill up the extra spaces.. n.. he could oso make use of the chance to criticise my work.. fine.. I went out for dinner @ Breeks n went to watch a late nite movie with Leng Yeow.. watched Mean Girls.. it's.. ok.. still prefer Spiderman 2.. :P

Went for KSFF combined mtg today.. quite cool.. I managed to meet up with Zhichun aft.. 3 yrs! Wow.. she's presently in NUS taking Arts n Social Science.. nice.. :) Aft tt mtg, I sent Amanda back, went to CP to buy stuff b4 dropping by nat's plc to wrap the stuff n collect sm bks.. headed hm aft tt.. am SOOOO tired now..

I dunno what's happening to me.. I dun wanna be like this.. sighz.. it seems to me tt I only like guys who I can't like.. like him.. n.. sigh.. y? What I need.. is a guy.. who's strong in the faith as well.. who can encourage me when I need someone to.. who can support me.. I want smtg tt can last.. I want what everyone craves for.. attention.. love.. concern.. bt.. smhow I've been getting them frm sm unwanted sources.. n I like ppl who I'm nt supposed to!!! This sucks..

I'm late! All cos of my bro.. irritating.. nvm.. So the day's over.. today's the 9th of July.. Another new yr.. I hope..

In this yr, I hope to be able to trust God fully.. I want to give my best in everything I do.. I want to get out of the boat tt I'm in.. wanna trust others more.. esp guys.. I hope to be able to do it..

Today's tutorial was only 1 hr.. Mark Zee's OCOM lecture is set at a record time of 38mins.. oh.. wait.. he was late.. so it's abt.. 30mins to 35mins.. :P..

I played pool!!! Woo!!! Haha.. yeah.. for the 1st time in my life I played pool.. Gregory taught me.. Greg, Andrew, Dar n I went to KAP (King Albert Park) for brunch then went down to BTP (Bukit Timah Plaza) to play.. Dar says tt unlike her, I've gt a flair for playing pool.. well.. at least I managed to hit the white ball.. n get 1 or 2 balls into the hole.. haha..

Gt the FOC camp shirt today.. it's SOOO COOL!!! VERY NICE!!!

Aft sch, I took bus down to orchard with greg.. found out tt there're 3 buses tt go down to orchard frm the KAP bus stop.. 77, 171 n 174.. ok.. so I'll take bus down nxt time.. faster.. n save lotsa transactions in the middle.. :P

Tired!!! Have to wake up @ 5.30 to reach sch by 7.45.. Dar was late today.. yeah.. v late.. I reached tt bus stop @ abt 6.40.. I called her many times b4 I reached.. n she only picked up her house phone when I reached the bus stop n called her thrice.. n tt was when she juz woke up.. sigh.. CIP lecture was a drag.. Benny was slping.. Sheng Da was half aslp.. almost half the class was aslp.. I was literally dying.. my mind was half switched off.. :P

Okok.. I think tt's all I'll write for today.. oh.. Alan's gt wasps.. the skin problem tt's smtg like rashes bt worst than tt.. he planned me to work tmr.. prob's tt.. I dun want.. n I've gotta chair Sat's FFKS combined mtg n I only knew it yest.. cool rite? haha.. I signed up for ambassador.. Dar n Greg too.. hope we can get in..

7th July.. tmr's a day in which many ppl would hope tt I'll nt rmb.. Today I managed to watch the sun rays fade into the horizon.. guess who was beside me.. def nt him.. I told Guang De tt the sun has set.. he reminded me tt it'll rise again tmr..

Amazing how a simple sentence frm smone least expected can cause a difference.. it actually puts sm stuff into perspective..

Can u imagine getting engaged at the age of 18 to sm guy who u do nt like? Ok.. face it.. he's nice.. he's.. known u for a v long time.. n he's been liking u for ages.. tell me.. if it were u.. will u accept it?

Sun rays fading.. tt's how I see it.. it depicts how I feel.. to a certain extent.. perception based on past experience.. smone walking out n taking the light along.. the rising sun shows hope.. n tt's what he saw.. haha.. personal perspective.. prob tt's nt how u'll view it bt tt's how I do..

I'm thankful n grateful beyond words tt God has always been there for me no matter what happened.. when everything seems dark, gloomy n bleak.. when nth seems to be going the way u want it to.. when everything seems to be totally WRONG.. when everyone close seem to walk out of ur life.. He's there.. He's always been there.. Still is.. n always will.. thank you God..

Tmr.. 1 yr.. it can mean lotsa stuff.. a new beginning.. or the end.. either wonderful memories of the times we had n the yr of friendship or another period of painful longing for tt someone who I know cannot n will nt be there for me.. a step forward or a stationary figure..

I cannot deny tt many things have happened in the last yr.. tt I've been stagnant.. advancing.. retreating.. running.. hiding.. doing lotsa stupid and silly stuff.. many "try n error" sessions.. intense pain involved.. possibility of hurt in both parties..

Everyday in the past yr, I've been rushing ard.. either to avoid things frm happening or to avoid.. I haven't been taking time to relax.. to take a look at the wonderful creation.. Gregory says tt he sees God everyday.. tt God likes to decorate the sky in the morning for him.. meaningful.. very.. I'm still rushing ard.. bt I pray tt I'll be able to slow down juz a little.. to appreciate what's happening ard me..

I can't deny tt at sm pts I still do think of him.. bt it's juz cos I rmb the times tt we had n nt so much of a longing to be with him..

God will provide.. He knows what u need.. when u need.. n will give u as n when He knows is appropriate.. Trust in Him..

The time now is 1227.. 8th July.. Happy 1 yr anniversary..

Today's BSTATS' tutorial was rather short.. yah.. Mr Ong managed to finish it within an hr.. He kinda paid a lot of attn to me.. dunno y.. sigh..

Aft tt, I had my Econs lecture.. today was on Demand.. ARGH.. really quite bad.. it's like.. demand n quantity of demand.. what.. determinants of demand.. whatever.. I cannot rmb.. die..

I've gotta do this OCOM tutorial.. tt I've gotta go thru tmr.. n tmr's lesson start @ 8.. sigh.. I've gt OB tutorial.. Econs tutorial.. ARGH!!! :'(

Guang De came down to sch to look for me today.. had dinner with him b4 I came hm.. in a way.. it's a gd thing tt I did else I would have skipped dinner.. again..

I've gotta work tmr.. dunno if I'd be working on Fri.. nt scheduled for sat as yet.. hafta work on sun.. sooo tired..

Dorcas called n asked how I was doing.. she was telling me tt Ptr Cheah asked her to organise a campus BS grp.. SO COOL! :P At least we can get closer to each other.. hmm.. haven't seen her ard anywhere.. I saw David n Gaius yest though.. they were having lunch together.. I was juz sitting there n participating in the conversation.. haha.. ooo.. I'll def be looking forward to having BS with them.. :) Spiritual edification.. tentative day is on mon.. 515.. tim ends his class @ 3, me at 4, dorcas, gaius n david @ 5.. so tt's the earliest time.. hope tt we could make this work.. muz pray abt it..

Back! Today's OB was.. um.. well.. for me, I found it nice.. bt for others, they think tt it's downright BORING.. Sheng Da was dozing off.. Benny was slping.. haha..

Today's going home "excursion" was quite cool.. a huge bunch of us Xinminians went back together.. Sheng Da, Benny, Leng Yeow, Matthew, Wee Kian, Wei An n me! Sooo fun.. haha.. we seldom meet up in such a big grp..

Leng Yeow says tt my hair colour's nice.. the texture's gd.. it smells great.. I've gt a gd built.. wonderful tan.. ... so he doesn't like it.. (-_-" lame..

I dunno how in the world to get my lap top's internet connection up when I'm at home.. sigh.. nvm.. will try to get smtg done.. TRY.. haha..

Yoz! I'm in sch again.. yah.. didn't blog yest cos I was too tired.. aft working I was quite dead.. I'm now in canteen 3 using Sheng Da's lap top to blog.. haha..

Today's lecture is quite crap.. at least for BSTATS.. we're doing descriptive stats.. tt includes things like histogram, cummulative frequency n all.. like what we've done in sec sch.. the lecturer lost his top n shouted at the class.. sigh.. n tt guy's my tutor! Dreaded..

I was deprived of slp yest.. yah.. I know tt u purposely put down the phone so tt I can slp early.. bt.. sorry.. my classmate called me.. n we talked till coming to 2 in the morning b4 I slept.. zZZZzz.. at least I gt to wake up later today..

Will be having another lecture in a while's time.. Dar's left to go to NPCC HQ to settle her stuff.. so tt means tt I'll be on my own later.. sigh.. nvm.. ooo.. juz now, Wanni asked Dar n I y we didn't join the class.. guess what's my excuse? No space.. lame.. bt.. it's the only thing tt I could think of at tt time.. :P I think it's cos we can't exactly fit.. no.. it's cos we dun think tt we'll fit in.. the ppl r SOOO noisy n all.. n.. sorry for them, we dun study well with noise.. music's fine bt NOT noise..

Today's the 6th.. hmmm.. one more day to... well.. I shall leave it as tt..

I'm in sch now.. haha.. quiite cool.. blogging for the 1st time in sch.. found out tt some of my classmates oso own a blog.. like gregory for example.. the only thing's tt he doesn't update his blog regularly.. unlike me.. :P

ok.. so I juz finished my microecons tutorial.. having my 2 hr break now.. am at canteen 1.. dar's wireless connection has sm probs so she's presently heading down to MEL centre so I'm alone.. I'll be having CIP tutorial n workshop later.. n I suppose they'll be teaching us how to use microsoft word, excel n all those relavent stuff.. like as though we dunno how to use bt.. well.. it helps if we're proficient in it doesn't it? I've gotta work tonight.. Alan's off.. think Raymond's going to take an MC cos he claimed tt he would yest.. if he does, then there'll be only 4 of us working tonight.. Poh Wan, Jason, Kai Lin n me.. crap.. pls.. do nt let it be too bz.. else I'll die!

Will update more tonight.. if there's anything to update..

Check this out.. true?

How to make a Deborah

Ingredients: 3 parts success 1 part arrogance 1 part ego

Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Serve with a slice of wisdom and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

I think the arrogance part fits in quite well...

Am I cool or uncool? [CLICK] You are Super-Cool! Woah! Step back - the future's so bright for you it's blinding me! You are the coolest of the cool. Everyone looks up to you as the benchmark for being coooool. The fonze was your grandfather. Any cooler and you'd freeze! WOO it's chilly in here. Cool quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

This.. is cool.. haha.. I'm super cool! Tt explains.. I'm arrogant.. have an ego.. n am super cool.. brrrr... :P

Hey! Haha.. okok.. I didn't blog yest.. ok.. I went to PS where nat cut her hair.. Alice jie oso.. ooo.. saw Alex.. um.. sm guy tt worked in CNP aft I quitted.. he's.. cute! Too bad he's attached.. :P.. went to work yest.. v tiring.. cos there were lotsa ppl.. same as today.. sigh..

Today, zhaoz went to church! :) then he accompanied me to city hall to meet huilin to collect my tb.. then we had lunch at delifrance.. tried the potato gelatin.. SOOO nice.. :) walked down to taka frm city hall.. slept in Renn thai for a while..

I'm v tired.. really.. I still have my econs tt I've nt done.. n lotsa other stuff.. I've gotta work tmr.. I've gt to start sch at 9am.. end sch at 4pm.. rush down to work.. ARGH.. zzzzz

Back! Had IS n LMS today.. Took a cab to sch cos.. well.. it was raining n all.. n we didn't wanna be late like yest.. the taxi driver cleverly took the long way n it costs $14.20 for the journey.. like.. SOOO EX! Sigh.. the module I chosen for IS is badminton.. cos I've gt nth else to choose.. n I'm considering on carry on my NYAA.. going for GOLD.. hmm..

LMS.. Life management skills.. thot tt the module was extra.. tt I wun be needing it.. tt it's JUZ ANOTHER MODULE.. bt I was wrong.. it's gd.. yah.. really.. cos my lecturer is a qualified one.. n.. she speaks nt to ppl as ppl bt to who there are.. what they r.. n she's able to touch ppl's emotions.. tt.. can be gd.. n bad.. cos emotions.. fragile, r ez to manipulate..

Went to meet nurul aft lessons.. headed down to PS where we met zhaoz.. had pizza for lunch.. the lady was SOOO NICE! Cos we wanted the student's discount.. we had to wait till 1.30.. it was only 12+ when we asked so we had to wait.. tt lady serving us saw n helped us to take our order @ 1.15 n clocked it in at 1.30.. so nice rite? :) It's ppl like this who make the world go round.. aft tt, nurul went to meet her fren n zhaoz n I went to Hereen.. I gt him a wallet cos he's is in a HORRIBLE condition (dun argue zhaoz.. u have to agree) I was v tired n kinda fell aslp there..

Met Yang Hong @ 6 @ orchard mrt station.. went down to marina bay to where we waited for dar n EH.. then we ate n celebrated dar's b'day.. quite nice.. :) when dar saw me.. she was shocked.. her 1st rxn was.. y r u here? aren't u supposed to be working?!? haha..

Dar.. although I didn't give u anything big.. at least.. I was able to celebrate ur b'day with u.. wish u all the best in everything.. tt u 2 might last.. tt u'll be happy.. n hopefully nt leave me.. even if u do.. I know tt u have to.. Happy 18th b'day.. Love u.. *muacks*

Went to sch.. was late.. :P okok.. I think it's partially my fault cos I missed the 645 bus 88.. so I reached the 74 bus stop @ 710.. took a bus.. gt down half way.. met Lionel.. n.. well was late for the lecture.. CIP.. yeah.. 15 mins late.. tt's nt exactly the main pt.. the main pt was tt.. the lecturer was oso late.. she came in at 830 n the reason she gave was tt she was caught in the rain n traffic.. like as though I wasn't.. so tt lecture only lasted for 15mins.. fine..

Dar n I went back to amk aft tt with Sheng Da n Benny.. went there to see doc Tan abt my throat.. it's been hurting SOOO badly for the past wk.. n it's cos of an inflammation.. crap.. I've gt 3 med.. 1 antibiotic, 1 for my inflammation n 1 for my voice.. paid $27 in all.. then I went to purchase my bus concession stamp.. man.. used $58.. argh.. I drew $100.. now I'm nt even left with $10.. crap.. crap.. total crap.. my bank acct only has $18.11 left.. yes.. I'm broke.. literally.. u know what would be a gd b'day present? Someone transferring a sum of cash to my acct.. haha..

Went back to sch for OCOM lecture.. Mark Zee wonderfully finished a supposedly 2 hr lecture in 45 mins.. dar, zhi wei n I then went down to hougang mall to have dinner.. had it at Hans.. I had sirloin steak which dar had roasted ham n chicken.. zhi wei only had 2 sandwiches.. bt had to help dar to finish her chicken.. did lotsa shopping.. bought presents for nurul, zhaoz, marcus.. n zhi wei.. lots huh.. haha I'm broke.. literally..

Had to work today.. met Alicia n Wei Xiang.. ok.. quite ok ppl.. bt.. well who knows.. I'm kinda tired.. no.. in fact.. I'm v tired.. zzzz.. I've gotta wake up by 5.30 to catch the 630 bus to reach tt 74 bus stop by 645 to catch the bus to reach sch on time.. man.. tiring..

I'll be mtg zhaoz n nurul later today.. hmmm.. miss them lots!